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I have a massive fear of being misunderstood

(10 Posts)
theeverydaydancer Fri 07-Feb-14 21:26:33

Its dawned on me quite recently that I have a huge fear of being misunderstood. I suffer from anxiety and worry a lot and have realised that a large amount of stuff that I worry about are scenarios where I will be hugely misunderstood by people. For example, that I will have my words misconstrued, twisted etc and that I will be incapable to explaining myself.

I know this stems from the frustration I felt/still feel from the my parents, who were always not listening to me. I was always so frustrated growing up because they would never "hear" what I was saying to them.

I am now massively over sensitive about the prospect of anyone not hearing precisely what I am saying. I think it all comes from a sense of fear of not being appreciated etc. I should learn not to care what other people think. If they think I think that, thats their problem etc but I just can't help it.

Does anyone else feel like this? Not sure if I even make any sense.

RandomMess Fri 07-Feb-14 21:28:25

Yes I feel like that often and for exactly the same reason!

wontletmesignin Fri 07-Feb-14 21:33:05

I feel like that, but i worry that people wont find what i say interesting enough. Even if its basic, i then worry about how im saying it and how they may pick it up. Anxiety is a bitch

IwasLate Fri 07-Feb-14 22:28:30

It does happen to me far to often
I just got use to it but I what I've actually learn the problem doesn't exist when you talking with people who are interested in your opinion

Joysmum Sat 08-Feb-14 09:40:30

The people who are most likely to misunderstand you are those who are orojecting themselves and their experiences into everyone else, that will have little to do with who you are and how you come across.

For example, DV is very serious, nobody disagrees with that. Somebody made a throwaway comment about wanting to punch their OH. She clearly wrote in a way that showed she loves him deeply, is just frustrated. There are those who saw the comment in that context and there are those who got upset and offended.

There will always be the 'professionally offended'. There will always be those who try to be more balanced and to see the person, rather than the comment.

Tbh, those who do get offended do the rest a great favour because they identify themselves pretty quickly as to who they are. This is very useful.

randomAXEofkindness Sat 08-Feb-14 10:59:14

I feel the same way dancer.

Joysmum, you make a really good point. I often see posters berating an op unfairly, only to later blame the op for their own lack of insight after being pulled up by other posters for not understanding the op's position - 'Why didn't you say that before then?', 'How can I be expected to know the full story if you're being so cryptic, I can't read minds!'. Funnily enough, all of the posters pulling you up about your lack of insight seem to have had no problem getting the gist love!

I think I get this a bit, I have a huge tendency to over-explain to a point where I will come across as patronising sometimes. And yet when I'm angry/stressed/frightened/under pressure I have a tendency to word things horribly and it comes across as something totally different to what I actually mean.

I do get really frustrated if someone doesn't understand what I'm saying to them or - even worse - if they don't believe me.

randomAXEofkindness Sat 08-Feb-14 11:12:10

I probably over explain things too. People tend to cut me off, and I don't get to finish what I'm saying. Then I worry about how that 'partial' explanation/opinion might be misconstrued, leading to more anxiety, more lengthy explanations, more being cut off, more of the same.


FunkyBoldRibena Sat 08-Feb-14 11:27:36

Sometimes, less is more. I used to ramble alot and now I am just pretty much saying what needs to be said if I can.

Dirtybadger Sat 08-Feb-14 11:39:20

A bit like you say, Axe, it can be a cycle. I am generally a bit anxious around people. Don't know why. Just am. I sometimes will say something and become worried (immediately) by reactions. Maybe they look bored, uninterested, confused, shocked. Whatever. I then start qualifying what I was saying. Explaining further. If the reaction remains all it does is make me feel worse. My head, very quickly, is screaming "why did I say that". Usually it's somewhere I can just quickly get away to make myself feel better but when it's not, it's very uncomfortable. I imagine all my over explaining does is confuse matters. And make me seem a bit scatty. But when you are feeling so embarrassed it's hard not to attempt to claw back what you think you just lost.
If I put myself in some other peoples shoes, though, I think of they're nice people (I like to think I am) they'll understand and see that I'm"just a bit like that" or if they're perceptive enough that it's clear it's just because I'm anxious. Some colleagues even find it funny. Not the intention but I don't mind amusing and laughing it off helps.

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