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Does anyone else finds people staying over at their house extremely draining?

(99 Posts)
nerofiend Fri 07-Feb-14 20:06:52

We got a new house in 2012 and since then we've had a string of visitors nearly non stop.

In theory, I like the idea of inviting people over and opening my house to family and friends. But I have to say that I'm finding the reality of it extremely infuriating and draining, to the point, that I'm nearly left with the feeling that I don't want this people in my house anymore.

It all starts really well but after a couple of days, I've had enough. The last friend I had over stayed for two weeks, and said so many irritating things every day, I don't want to hear from her again.

The same happens with DH's family. I have to add that we haven't stayed in these people's houses once so far.

I'm so upset, but also disappointed in myself for not being more easy going about it. I don't want to become a hermit.

nerofiend Fri 07-Feb-14 20:08:38

Sorry, meant to say "does anyone else find" not finds grin

georgedawes Fri 07-Feb-14 20:10:07

God yes!

NoIamAngelaHernandez Fri 07-Feb-14 20:11:12

We're the same. One side of our family come often and stay for a long time. It's expensive, exhausting and never reciprocated.

We live in a lovely holiday area - and we often feel like we are used as a free holiday destination.

FolkGirl Fri 07-Feb-14 20:11:13

I probably would.

But I don't even have people over for coffee, so I'm never going to find out!

Well except for my brother and his family, but I like them. They never stay more than 3 or 4 hours.

Chottie Fri 07-Feb-14 20:11:35

Yes, i can only have my DC to stay (they are adults). When my DC stay it is relaxing and we have fun. I would hate to have other people staying all the time. It's all the cleaning, cooking and having to make small conversation all the time I don't like.

AnyFucker Fri 07-Feb-14 20:12:41

Yes, I hate it

I also hate staying at other people's houses

MooncupGoddess Fri 07-Feb-14 20:12:50

I like it every so often but it is v. tiring ensuring they're fed/warm/happy/entertained etc.

Two weeks is far too long. Start limiting guests to three days maximum!

BabyMummy29 Fri 07-Feb-14 20:14:01

I don't ever have people staying over in my house, nor do I ever go and stay at people's houses.

My OH can't understand why I'd rather pay to stay in a B&B or hotel than stay with friends or relatives.

NaffOrf Fri 07-Feb-14 20:14:42

Christ yes. The worst thing about having house guests is not being able to slob around in the evenings with my bra off.

JeanSeberg Fri 07-Feb-14 20:14:51

Thankfully I have no family other than my sons.

carlywurly Fri 07-Feb-14 20:15:57

Nolam - exactly the same here! Some people have even had the nerve to openly say they want to use us as a base for a cheap holiday.
I've stopped inviting people other than the ones who've proven to be good guests - ie those who contribute and not just financially.

ScentedScandal Fri 07-Feb-14 20:17:00

Blimey over two weeksshock no wonder you felt drained. I'dve bashed someone by day 3.

I'm not good at it either. I do kids sleepovers but I don't like them. We did have family to stay at Christmas, but it took me days to recover from it. Last year we had a student staying for a month but I def don't want to do it ever again.

I think I would probably like to be a hermit actuallyblush It's probably a combination of already having a largish family which is more than enough for me to manage, and just feeling very un-relaxed and tense in my own home when people stay over. I like them visiting just not stayingconfused I like to wave them off after a bit.

Sorry, not much helpgrin

Alwayscheerful Fri 07-Feb-14 20:17:46

Visitors are like fish, they go off after three days.

ratqueen Fri 07-Feb-14 20:18:16

Yes! Exhausting. I have the same problem since we got our house. Two weeks is excessive and quite rude imo, esp if not family!

enriquetheringbearinglizard Fri 07-Feb-14 20:18:27

We moved away from friends and family to a different part of the country and we have room for people to come and stay.

Some people come and don't lift a finger, or bring a thing with them. It's like running a hotel with no tariff and no tips. The amount of shopping, cleaning, cooking, clearing up and laundry is exhausting and the bills fairly spectacular.
I'm sure they have a lovely time, but they don't seem to realize we're not staff hmm
Worse still was the divorced friend who mentally exhausted both of us to the extent we both lay down on the floor when he'd gone and just wailed in relief blush
Oh and the other friend, divorced dad of two, who didn't watch them at all for four days and they nearly drove us to early graves. When I say us, I mean me, DH and two DCs.

Other friends though are lovely and come with all kinds of bits and pieces, food and wine, flowers and books or games and pitch in, help prepare food, clear and load the dishwasher etc. They're good fun, good company and easy to be around.
When they go home at the end of a weekend, we actually feel like we've had fun too and look forward to seeing them next time.

moondog Fri 07-Feb-14 20:18:52

I have lots of people I love enough to want them to stay but even for them, three days is the limit.

bdaonion Fri 07-Feb-14 20:23:29

Adult DCs yes, everyone else no.

I like my own space too much.

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 07-Feb-14 20:24:21

Couldn't care less if the house is full of teens, which is good because it always is (except tonight as some weird planetary action has ensured that they are both out for the evening at the same time).
Grown up guests that require more entertaining than pointing out where the foodstuff lives and the location of the sleeping bag cupboard are a PITA above all.
I never stay over at another persons house. I'd rather book a hotel. I'd happily pay rather than inconvenience anyone.

MrsHappyBee Fri 07-Feb-14 20:25:49

Living at a tourist destination is a nightmare. We've had people turn up unannounced and expect us to put them up, feed and entertain them for a week. They forget you have to get on with your day to day life because you're not on annual leave. I've banned house guests now, if they want to visit the area I recommended some nice hotels and say we'd love to join them for a meal one evening. Funnily enough a visit isn't as appealing when it's not subsidised by us.

ChaffinchOfDoom Fri 07-Feb-14 20:31:05

it's a skill being a good host...and a skill being a good guest. You have to be very thoughtful - cannot be arsed with it. Am horrified at my parents' despicable ''friends'' that came and stayed with them for 9 days - treating my knackered mother like a slave - they won't be invited back

agree a B&B far more amenable allowing everyone space and privacy

2 week is totally outrageous. yuck. glad we don't have a spare room

enriquetheringbearinglizard Fri 07-Feb-14 20:31:12

Reading again, I haven't had anyone but blood family for more than a week and yes, I do get miffed when it's all one way traffic.

Friends would only stay more than 3 or 4 days if they were coming from overseas.

helzapoppin2 Fri 07-Feb-14 20:31:48

Absolutely! I used to be ok, but now am not.
A lot depends on how easygoing guests are, and the good ones only stay a few days anyway.
I can't understand people who think it's ok to monopolise my time for a week or two, expect meals from scratch every night, and look down their noses if things aren't "good enough".
I've decided I don't much like guests any more!

Olddear Fri 07-Feb-14 20:41:27

Hate people staying in my house!! I never stay with other people either. Would rather stay in a hotel when visiting friends.

newbiefrugalgal Fri 07-Feb-14 20:45:59

Have you moved to a new area/destination OP?

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