Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Avoiding Becoming Bitter/judgmental

(2 Posts)
Dirtybadger Fri 07-Feb-14 16:45:34

Hello again!

I won't many specifics because I don't know how relevant they are and it'd take an age; but how do you avoid becoming bitter and judgmental to your own detriment after a betrayal? If I wasn't suspicious and paranoid about people's motives before (which I probably was, to some degree) I definitely am now.
In some ways it's been good for me. I've always been someone who has avoided conflict and generally let things eat me up. I am now able to stand up for myself a little better. And I'm definitely better equipped now to identify red flags (although I have no intentions of any romantic relationships in the future whatsoever at the moment).
I think I may have gone too far the other way, though, and essentially become someone for whom no one can be trusted or is good enough. Except a few female family members.

I probably should add- the betrayal was by ex"d"p. I have nothing to do with him now so it's something 'in the past' not something I need help escaping or 'coming to terms with' within the relationship. We split about 8 weeks ago.

Thanks sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 07-Feb-14 17:19:51

If your natural tendency has been to avoid conflict, please people and keep the peace at your own expense then what you regard as going too far the other way - especially as it's only been 8 weeks - is totally normal. It's quite healthy to regard others with a certain cynicism and mistrust until you get to know them a lot better and learn to trust your own judgement more. Doesn't make you bitter necessarily but the alternative is naivety... and that gets you nowhere.

It's a learning process interpreting human behaviour. A life's work smile

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: