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He has left. what are my rights?

(12 Posts)
elsabel Thu 06-Feb-14 22:54:38

Hi, not sure really if im posting in the right place but could really do with some advice.

My boyfriend left me and our 8month old dd one month ago, he said he wasnt happy and wanted to leave. Although we had agreed we may try and work through things i then found out he was having an affair with someone he worked with and that was a dealbreaker. He showed no remorse and said he wanted to leave anyway, and did so.

So hes been visiting our dd once weekly (this is all he can get off work, i have encouraged him to visit more often, but he cannot/will not take anymore days off work. However he thinks he can walk in and out when it suits him, and threatens to not give us any money if i dont let him as sees it as 'his house' even though he left us. We are trying to work things out in a civil manner and avoid CSA etc but i have told him if he threatens to stop paying bills etc i will have no choice. I am still on maternity leave so have very little money coming in. We rent our property privately and both our names are on the tenancy agreement, although i am working on getting his name taken off and it all transferred over to me (he agreed to this the other day but keeps changing his mind).

So my question is, what rights does he have? And aibu? Sorry this is long winded and if i have made anything clear please ask questions, dont want to dripfeed

BuzzardBird Fri 07-Feb-14 16:31:44

Could you report your post and ask HQ to move it into 'relationships' topic?
There are some brilliant posters on there that will answer your question as it appears to be a little quiet on here.

Good luck thanks

elsabel Fri 07-Feb-14 18:30:52

Thankyou. I will

43percentburnt Fri 07-Feb-14 20:28:41

He is using money to control you still. Speak to the landlord and ask if they will transfer into just your name. Speak to tax credits and transfer into just your name. Speak to Csa and put in a claim - it won't make things worse - it will stop him telling you he won't pay if you don't do what he says. Then change the locks on your house. He can see your dc every other weekend and once each week assuming you are not breastfeeding.

43percentburnt Fri 07-Feb-14 20:29:56

Also watch out for 'the script' if it doesn't work out with his new girlfriend.

enriquetheringbearinglizard Fri 07-Feb-14 20:37:02

Does he still have a key? I don't think it's at all reasonable to expect to walk in and out completely unannounced regardless of 'rights' it's just rude.

LilyBlossom14 Fri 07-Feb-14 20:40:31

he should not be coming into your house at all - he doesn't live there any more. And I second CSA. If he wants to see his child he does it elsewhere. Change the locks if you need to.

Offred Fri 07-Feb-14 20:51:06

If he's still on the tenancy agreement then technically it is still his home but I think out of respect for you he should not just be wandering in and out if he has said he would leave. I think you need to get his name off the tenancy ASAP so he can't do this.

As you aren't married you don't have an automatic right to financial support from him but you do have an automatic entitlement to child support for your baby. You can assert entitlements to other types of financial support based on you having a child together but if he is being an arsehole it might be difficult and expensive for you to actually get those sorted in court I believe but do call rights of women for legal advice.

I think you need to make yourself self sufficient as soon as possible. Definitely get child support arranged through CSA as they can only collect from the day you contact them and if he's dragging his feet you need to get this locked down as soon as you can. If you don't hear from the CSA for a while keep pestering them as they can be a bit shit and need constant motivation to sort it out IME.

You could do an online benefits entitlement on entitled to or you could get a hypothetical benefits assessment at CAB.

elsabel Fri 07-Feb-14 22:47:24

Thankyou everyone for your advice. I have applied for all the benefits i may be entitled to, just waiting to hear back. I am in the process of getting his name off the tenancy agreement but i keeps changing his mind as to whether he is willing to come off ot or not. Do they need his permission?

After a difficult day with him visiting i have decided i will not be alone with him when he visits anymore as he has been very intimidating. He has even began denying having an affair at all, even though he admitted to this before.

He no longer has a key, he gave it back today when i asked him to, so thats a relief.

olathelawyer05 Fri 07-Feb-14 22:59:05

If the fixed term of the tenancy hasn't run out as yet, then yes he will need to consent to his name being removed as it is a binding contract. Otherwise you could make people homeless at the drop of a hat by 'removing' them from tenancies unilaterally.

elsabel Sat 08-Feb-14 08:16:27

Yes thankyou, thats what i thought. Our tenancy runs out beginning of april so my landlady has suggested waiting but she doesnt know how bad it has got, i may have to push it.

Anybody have any experience with emotional abusers? Hes making me feel like im going crazy

Offred Sat 08-Feb-14 08:51:57

All you can do is restrict their access to you IMO. If he is abusive you could give the ncdv a ring to see if you can get any court orders keeping him away.

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