Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I feel like most men expect deference.

(13 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Thu 06-Feb-14 19:25:33

The last few men I have been with can't cope with any disagreement. It seems that they feel that a difference of opinion, however small is a major threat to the relationship. I on the other hand feel that disagreements are normal, healthy and inevitable.

I have also found that most of my exes have left me when I need them most: my mum dying of cancer for example, starting a new job, becoming pregnant, being upset about something. It's not as though I lie around flailing or wailing either in hard times and just get on with it. Even when dds dad left me pregnant I got on with my tough teaching job.

All I want is a bit of blinking love and support and someone who doesn't see my opinions as threats. Someone who gets it.

AnyFucker Thu 06-Feb-14 19:28:58

They are out there. Promise. Stop picking the bad boys, pick a steady one. A grower if you will smile

pictish Thu 06-Feb-14 19:31:00

Yep...steer away from alpha male types for a start. I can assure you that there are plenty of men who aren't arrogant, feckless cavemen.

CailinDana Thu 06-Feb-14 19:32:48

Unfortunately there are a lot of men like that. But there are also men like my dh who hung in there, twice, through my bouts of depression, who has never said a cross word to me, who talks and listens when there's a problem and admits when he's wrong.

They're out there!

Suelford Thu 06-Feb-14 19:37:05

Depends what the "small differences of opinion" are, really. If it's whether the toilet paper should hang down from the back or the front, who cares. If you're a BNP supporter, bit more of a deal-breaker.

Logg1e Thu 06-Feb-14 19:56:07

Really? Of the men I know - family, in-laws, friends, neighbours and colleagues I'd guess about only 2 would match your description.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 06-Feb-14 20:15:33

Depends. For example I got really upset when ex told me that he couldn't afford to come and see me for the whole of January as he looked at his spreadsheets. I felt it was tight, up romantic and controlling especially as he earns £28,000 a year.
He only lives half an hour away. Was I overreacting to get upset? He told me that I probably earned more than him what with my benefits!

FabULouse Thu 06-Feb-14 20:21:10

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ModreB Thu 06-Feb-14 20:30:09

I knew that DH was the one, when I felt comfortable having an argument with him that wouldn't result in an instant "I want to break up if you don't agree with me" conversation on his part.

Because we were equals and have equal opinions and the right to be heard. Despite our different situations.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 06-Feb-14 20:30:58

Well yes... I gave him a lot of emotional support when he moaned about the failure of his marriage, lots of love and sex, his son lots of attention and presents, I cooked him lovely veggie meals even tho I eat meat, I even gave him a ticket for a luxury spa. The plan was we go together as a couple.
Then he broke up with me but said he still wanted to take me to the spa even though he couldn't commit. Knob end.
I consider myself to be a very supportive gf.

emsyj Thu 06-Feb-14 20:35:55

Maybe you need to give a bit less and expect a little bit more... In my experience, 'giving' to men isn't what makes them fall in love with you. You are coming up with users and losers by all your 'giving'. Stop it! Love only those who love you.

There are plenty of men out there who will be happy for you to have an opinion and to give you support when you need it. They do exist, I promise!

rainbowsmiles Thu 06-Feb-14 21:57:32

Not my experience at all. Men I know love love love a good argument. Most of the women too. Nah. Don't agree at all. Sounds like your "no a very good picker" as my mother would say. Maybe need to figure out why your picking arsey men.

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:53:05

I have never, ever had a boyfriend, male friend or relative ever expect deference from me.
Which is good because they would be very, very disappointed.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: