Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Rekindling affair

(27 Posts)
Barbados01 Thu 06-Feb-14 17:59:20

Hi I posted on here in November , quick recap I had finished a 2 month emotional affair with someone I knew when I was younger, iv been married 22 years he's divorced twice, anyway fast forward to now iv seen him out and about and I still have strong feelings for him there so strong I actually think I love him. He's sent me a few texts but only friendly chat nothing dirty , what should I do I can't stop thinking about him , I have a good marraige but I'm torn x

TeenyW123 Thu 06-Feb-14 18:03:58

No, no, no! You certainly don't love him!

You love the idea of what might be. And it might be shit.

If your marriage is good, focus on that.

Does he know you're married?

Joysmum Thu 06-Feb-14 18:05:06

If you have any respect for your husband, end it with him first before you do anything.

Barbados01 Thu 06-Feb-14 18:06:39

Yes hes knows but iv ashamingly told him im not that happy i dont no whats wrong with me but i just feel so much love for him

Sleepyfergus Thu 06-Feb-14 18:07:14

I would query why he's divorced twice. Might give you an insight to your future.

Rightallalong Thu 06-Feb-14 18:09:53

Please. Cut off now.

If there was anything in this, you'd be together already.

Think about how you would feel if your DH did this to you. Save your marriage. I wish I could save my relationship from a horrible emotional betrayal.

Don't do it to your husband and don't do it to yourself.

urmydarlings Thu 06-Feb-14 18:10:33

its just the thrill of the forbidden that you are probably in love with .
Haven't read previous thread so gotta ask are you happy in your marriage?

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Thu 06-Feb-14 18:11:49

You have a good marriage?

So why do you want to shit all over your husband?

What's he done to deserve that?

How would you feel if your husband claimed to be happy with you and at the same time was claiming love for someone else and telling them he wasn't happy?

If you think you love someone else, have the decency to call time on your current relationship. Or at least let your husband know you think you love someone else so that he can make an informed choice.

Barbados01 Thu 06-Feb-14 18:24:20

I appreciate all your advice I no it's wrong what I'm feeling, he's been divorced twice I know his ex wife's and they are very difficult women, we probs would have developed things more in November but I think he was nervous and now I find out he hasn't had a proper relationship since his last divorce 10years ago and hasn't much confidence x

Barbados01 Thu 06-Feb-14 18:25:12

He's just thrown himself into his job and seeing his kids x

EirikurNoromaour Thu 06-Feb-14 18:30:13

Don't be a knob eh! Tell your poor husband if you've had enough of him and want someone else. And please stop putting x after every post, when you are posting about having an affair it's very jarring.

PatriciaHolm Thu 06-Feb-14 18:32:50


Either delete his phone number and change yours.

Or leave your husband now before thinking about having a relationship with this man.

What do you think mumsnet is going to tell you other than those things?

Leavenheath Thu 06-Feb-14 18:33:36

Arf at you saying both his ex-wives were very difficult women

Your DH might say the same about you.

What do you want from this thread?

You'll have an affair if this bloke agrees to it and nothing anyone here says will stop that.

KingRollo Thu 06-Feb-14 18:35:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdithWeston Thu 06-Feb-14 18:37:03

You went back to your DH, but you still don't want your marriage (either because it is wrong/outgrown,or because you just didn't care enough to do the work to fix it; impossible to tell which from your post).

I think it is time to end your marriage, irrespective of whether it is likely to work out with the current OM.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Thu 06-Feb-14 18:39:58

it's not so much that your feelings are wrong. Nobody can help their feelings. It is your choices that you have to concern yourself with.

Whatever your feelings on any matter, you always have a range of choices. What choices will you make? you are not helpless because of feelings. you make decisions. And you are in control of your decisions.

Cabrinha Thu 06-Feb-14 18:49:53

His ex wives were both difficult?
Ha ha ha ha ha...
Still, he doesn't pick 'em... Two difficult women and one prepared to shit on her husband from a great height.

It might be love though. Go on - chuck your husband on the off chance it is, then see if he's still interested when you come crawling back.

Either sort your marriage out, or end it. Don't have an affair.

Barbados01 Thu 06-Feb-14 18:50:32

I suppose I just wondered if anyone else has been in my situation and what the outcome was, I know I'm getting really slated on here but I really wanted to know if anyone else has had same experience

cupcake78 Thu 06-Feb-14 18:56:40

Just stop it! Stop it grow up.

Not having contact with someone for 2 months is just enough to make you want him even more.

A lot of 'nice' men have had mad ex wives! A lot of the wives have been driven that way by the seemingly nice husband.

Delete his number and concentrate on your marriage! If your marriage doesn't work then so be it.

OwlCapone Thu 06-Feb-14 19:00:05

I have a good marraige but I'm torn

No, you don't have a good marriage, you have a deceitful one.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Thu 06-Feb-14 19:01:09

had the same experience as in been in a relationship and found that they are seriously attracted to another person?

Yeah. That happens to a lot of people. How people choose to deal with feelings of attraction varies.

or do you mean has anyone actually here acted on it and betrayed their partner and what happened as a result of that?

Monetbyhimself Thu 06-Feb-14 19:01:47

I prefer a good old dirty text to be honest. If he sends you some of those then it means he's well into you.

cupcake78 Thu 06-Feb-14 19:10:00

Ok yes I have. I didn't act on it but we were frighteningly near to it. It made me ill, extremely ill. I nearly lost everything that is now my world for a bit of escapism.

I was stupid, immature and selfish.

It's not your reality, you are about to destroy people's lives forever simply because walking away is hard and makes you face your reality.

Like I said earlier, grow up op your not a teenager you have responsibilities to your family.

Barbados01 Thu 06-Feb-14 19:23:09

Thank you everyone especially cupcake this whole situation is making me ill i willdelete his number its for the best

cupcake78 Thu 06-Feb-14 19:30:08

Do it! Delete it! Was the best move I ever ever made smile. Honestly, to say I never looked back would be a lie but at least now if things don't work out its not because of your actions it's because it just wasn't going to work. A much better situation all round.

Have a bath, cry for him, grieve for him but then shake yourself off. Look your husband in the eyes and work it out. I promise you'll be a significantly better, happier person in the long run. Find something new to do, a new hobbie or plan something exciting with your dh.

It will be long and hard but you can do it. smilesmilesmile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now