Recently my birthday and I was upset to see dp scurrying out of the house to get a last minute card and gift on the morning. Meanwhile our dd 3.5 was opening my cards with me and said "mummy I havn't got a card for you" and was a bit upset. So we sat and made one together. Dp comes back like bedraggled rat from the rain. Takes dd upstairs proceeds to wrap gift and write cards. We have had a tough end of year and l expected a little more thought....I'd have loved him to take dd to buy or make a little gift and card....not rush around on the day. Last year on my 40th he did the same....naff bad taste card. He does work away quite a bit, but certainly has time to organise. This is someone who use to spend hours choosing cards/gifts. He did book last minute theatre tickets but I just didn't want to go....it really upset me. Yes he is great in so many ways....childcare, housework etc. He has apologised....but he did the same last year, so it just doesn't wash with me. I know I'm being overly sensitive aren't I?
Nope, you're not, he never learned last year either or this wouldn't have happened again, it's little things like this that grow resentment and anger towards your OH, a half hearted attempt just doesn't wash, it makes you feel like he really couldn't be bothered so you're entitled to feel sensitive.
I was going to say maybe he's just bad at stuff like that and look at all the stuff he is good at but you say he never used to be this way, hopefully your reaction might help it not happen again.
I'd move on from it now though, sure he knows your were disappointed.
I said a gracious 'thank you' for my damp freshly licked 'smutty' card Though. But I was a bit pissed off yes. More that the 2nd year running he hasn't just taken dd like I do when it's his birthday/Christmas to get a little card/gift. She enjoys stuff like that.
Gossipy yes....I feel that sometimes... The beautiful cards I've had over the years....the thought going into stuff. I know life changes when dc come along but I do feel 0 effort on his part. Yes he bought theatre tickets but sat on his ipad booking them on my actual birthday. Saying "sorry not much choice left".
I wouldn't have cared if he had of wrapped up half a Mars bar and let her make a card out of a weetabix box. If she had been involved. If he had always been thoughtless then I guess it wouldn't bother me as much.
It's a horrible feeling to feel like an afterthought and despite people on this thread who obviously may be quite happy being thrown a few scraps on their birthday, I don't blame you for feeling a bit hurt if it's been 2 years in a row. Especially if effort was made in the years before that.
It's Easy to get a bit too comfy in a relationship if you've been together for a while but it doesn't mean that it should be the way it is from now on.
I would be having a feeling took for granted conversation heart to heart at some point.
Oh well then, yes, do, leave him - how dare he get your b-day present at the last minute, he clearly has zero respect for you, can't be arsed - next year you'll get a bunch of flowers from the garage and he'll be shagging other women left right and centre. Yes, its a very very bad sign - i'd get a lawyer quick sharp. What a bastard.
alternatively, accept that he was a bit crap about it, go and enjoy the fecking theature and get over yourself?? When was yoru birthday?
My DP has form for this - vanishing to Tesco on the morning of my birthday in a panic.
Read him the riot act last year, pointed out that my birthday is on the same day every year, it doesn't sneak up on him and that all I ask is a little thought, same as I do for his and his family's birthday.
Must have sunk in as he started planning my birthday this year in January!
Jan45 yes I'm moving on....shouldn't still be picking the scab. It's his birthday in April....I will take dd to get him a little gift and we will make him a card. She will like that. I won't be pushing the boat out though no
It sounds like he's not getting why it's upset you. I think you're entitled to be upset and yes while it's nice that he got you something at all, it wasn't that you wanted him to get you something, you just wanted him to think about it. And I think that is fair, especially as he's done it in the past and seems to have stopped.
Maybe it's worth having a conversation, not so much about the birthday in general but just saying that it would be nice if, sometimes, he put the same effort into the relationship now that he did when you were dating. I'm sure he is busier now you have DC and I think it's important for you to acknowledge that but just remind him that it was one of the things that made you fall for him perhaps?
If he is genuinely forgetful don't worry, am sure in a year or two DD will start reminding him for you
"Yes he is great in so many ways....childcare, housework etc"
Please don't make an issue of this - just tell him, come on buster - bit more effort next time, ok?
One year my DP didn't buy me a present - i was really upset, but he just coudlnt think what to get me and thought we could go out at a later date and buy something, didn't really have the money to shove in a card. I stropped and sulked and ruined the day we had at the zoo planned with DD - i look back and can see quite clearly who was being the arsehole on that day.
Saying that - he has always been better about the birthdays since, but that i think is because DD is 8 now and insists on going and chosing the presents with him. I have her well primed!