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Cut and dried or mixed messages?

(9 Posts)
bloomingbloom Thu 06-Feb-14 16:33:52

I was dating someone for a few weeks and it turned out he was still hung up on his ex, so i dumped him.

I liked him as a person, but he just wasnt ready for any kind of relationship.

We didnt talk for a few days and then he made contact, the texts flowed and we went for lunch. It was nice, we had a small chat and i left feeling it was nice closure and nothing to do with me.

Few days after that he starts texting again, an add on fb, lots of chat and we ended up spending most of monday together. we agreed then that there was clearly something between us, but given various issues, we would just hang out, not worry about labels and see what happens.

I get home, we swap a few texts and then he tells me that he doesnt think we will ever be right.

Fair enough. He wouldnt be good relationship material anyway, for many reasons, but a fling would have been nice.

Since then, he keeps 'liking' my stuff on fb, texting, chatting etc. Saying i can text him when hes out of internet signal, asking how i am as ive got a cold, offering to come over to help.

It seems that his actions are very different to what he is saying. Now, i always say, if a man tells you, listen.

And im not into playing any kind of game.

Im not sure if this is a cut and dried case and hes just messing me about, or if hes just confused.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Thu 06-Feb-14 16:37:44

I think he's confused, and that this is equivalent to messing you about.

Either he's willing to bite the bullet and risk a relationship, or he's not. His actions show that he is not.

All your interactions that fall short of entering, and being in, a stable relationship, are his comfort zone: he likes you, feels an attraction, a bond, but can't commit to anything real.

It is really, really confusing, I'm sorry you're in this situation. He may be a nice guy, you two share mutual attraction, but as you say, he is not relationship material.

akawisey Thu 06-Feb-14 16:40:03

Hills. That way >>>>> Take a gentle stroll because he sounds harmless enough but not relationship material right now. smile

HotDAMNlifeisgood Thu 06-Feb-14 16:44:59

I would recommend you stop the "hanging out", the "no labels, let's just see what happens" and all the texting. It will only mess with your head: this is all that he is able to give you. It will not blossom into anything more. If he wanted a real relationship with you, he had plenty of chances to make that happen.

He likes the coziness of having you around, invested in each other to a degree, but he won't enter into a relationship with you with both feet.

If what you want is a real relationship, drop contact with this man, and free yourself emotionally to invite another, more committed on in.

I know this one has done nothing "wrong" to deserve being dropped, but by occuppying your mind, your time, and your emotional energy this way, he is holding you back from a proper relationship.

Jan45 Thu 06-Feb-14 16:47:26

So what he says and what he does are two different things, do you really want to get involved with someone so unpredictable?

I wouldn't be surprised if he was still seeing his ex and is keeping you on the back burner.

bloomingbloom Thu 06-Feb-14 16:49:36

Of course i would like a relationship, to an extent. Im not ever after marriage and i dont want to live with anyone. So while an official ' boyfriend' would be nice, im also ok with a casual thing, so long as it is defined as such.

But casual to me, doesnt mean daily contact and things.

bloomingbloom Thu 06-Feb-14 16:51:01

He isnt seeing anyone else, i know that for a fact. And no, ive already said i wouldnt want a proper relationship with him, and this is one of the reasons.

Cabrinha Thu 06-Feb-14 17:16:28

He is indeed messing you about.
Tbh I'd take it with a big pinch of salt if he "just wanted to be friends" but the fact that he's bandying about stuff about avoiding labels and "seeing where it goes"... Means he's dropping not so subtle hints that it could be more.
Either that's deliberate - he's a player, run.
Or it's just him being a bit rubbish, unsure (I'm bring charitable here) but if so - walk away. You deserve someone who says "wow" and just wants to be with you. Simple as that. Lovely as that.

bloomingbloom Thu 06-Feb-14 17:22:00

i said the bit about not putting labels on things and just letting it be what it is.

noone has said anything about just being friends.

hes said hes not sure where his head is at

but then, his actions see like someone who wants something, but that differs to what hes said.

either way, im not going to be passive and wait, im up for a fling but dont want to be left feelign confused if that makes sense, so will just leave it if it continues

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