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My dh is being a bastard

(13 Posts)
Doubtfuldaphne Thu 06-Feb-14 11:12:30

Due to fly out for the weekend somewhere two hours away to celebrate a momentous birthday with his entire family and our two young dc's

Dd has been unwell and doctor yesterday said she's unsure if dd should go
Dh knew I wasn't keen on going (although obviously I would for him) and the reasons for not wanting to go is because I have anxiety an bad ibs which makes going away stressful. As his family booked it I've had no information on the area or accommodation which would've helped a bit

So now he thinks I've used dd's illness as a way to get out of going and told his family this. They've phoned me and were very cross with me. I've said the doctor can decide today and it's not up to me to decide

Dh thinks I will influence the dr's decision, that I always ruin plans like this, that I'm trying to boycot the weekend. A very dim view of me

I unfortunately lost it this morning after worrying all night and after the call from his family this morning. I really yelled at him when he kept blaming me for trying to ruin plans we make and being selfish. Poor dd was very upset and I feel terrible. But I feel like im always the one who gets made to look bad in front of his family and I wonder what he must really think of me.
I just don't know what to do apart from wait and see what he dr decides later

Phalenopsis Thu 06-Feb-14 11:53:37

You know what I'm thinking? That if you weren't married to your husband, you wouldn't have anxiety and IBS at least not at the level you have now.

I find it rather worrying that your husband believes that you would use your daughter as a means of not going and I find it more worrying that he has run like a little boy to his mummy and family telling tales on his bad wife. I suspect he has form for this kind of thing. - 'I always ruin plans like this'.

In your situation, I'd be letting the doctor deal with it and send your husband go on his own. I'd then be seriously questioning my marriage because from what you've posted it doesn't sound healthy.

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 06-Feb-14 12:01:29

You're completely right. His immature behaviour makes me very on edge when problems come up - problems which are usually cases by him acting immature and telling tales to his family. I feel they've all secretly got their own feelings about me but to my face they're different. It feels very lonely.

I am questioning my marriage after this. It will always be him and his family against me which is obviously very wrong!

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 06-Feb-14 12:01:50

Cases = caused!

CailinDana Thu 06-Feb-14 17:37:02

His family booked a holiday away for you and your children without giving you any information about it? And told you off for not wanting to drag an ill child along? They are aware you're an adult, right?

AliceinWinterWonderland Thu 06-Feb-14 18:50:56

I'd be staying home regardless at that point.

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 06-Feb-14 18:53:06

I personally wouldn't be going somewhere without knowing where I am going. And that's because I am an adult and not a hostage.

glasgowsteven Thu 06-Feb-14 18:53:51

He can go, am sure he will have fun, while his wife and family are struggling.

Would he expect you to leave him if you had a family event and your daughter was ill....(how ill, sniffles, or more serious)

LEMmingaround Thu 06-Feb-14 18:56:44

Wow - you are right, he is a bastard

baytree Thu 06-Feb-14 19:03:55

Dear Doubt

I am sorry that you are pressured by not only your DH but his family. They should be supporting you and your child. Full stop.
Please do not feel lonely. Recognise this as a start to building confidence and self worth. When you have done that you will have a clearer picture of how these people relate to you and realise they have little value.

wyrdyBird Thu 06-Feb-14 19:05:47

Your daughter's ill, the doctor is concerned, and your husband thinks you're using her as an excuse to get out of a celebration? And tells the family so?

This is wrong on so many levels.

I don't blame you for losing it this morning. It sounds as if you've had enough.

Fairylea Thu 06-Feb-14 19:10:29

Poor you and your poor dd sad

He is being an absolute arsehole.

Surely his first point of concern should be that your dd is unwell? Not having a go at you or assuming that your conspiring to get out of the trip.

How utterly awful.

I think you should stay home regardless and I also agree with the previous poster who said your anxiety and ibs would be tremendously improved without him in your life.

And frankly his family sound weird! Too confrontational, too rude and who the fuck books a holiday for their sons family without giving any sodding details?!

PortofinoRevisited Thu 06-Feb-14 19:13:58

I wouldn't be going ANYWHERE if I didn't know the details. And it sounds like he is putting his family ahead of his daughter - which is totally unacceptable. On the other hand, I can see slightly where is he is coming from, that he knows you don't really want to go, and suspects you are maybe bigging this up so you don't have to. Obviously we can't see the normal family dynamics from one post, but the problem is obviously much bigger than this one trip - how he prioritises things.

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