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MIL in contact after 6 months.

(23 Posts)
MommyBird Wed 05-Feb-14 22:37:44

Eurgh. I'm here again.

DH has been ignoring texts/phone calls etc. off her and FIL for 6 months. We have been NC since then. MIL is toxic. Classic textbook.

Yesterday was dd1s birthday. this is where it gets so petty
I thanked people on a social networking site for presents/cards etc.
MIL saw this and starting ranting about how mean we are and cruel etc. I was calm and assertive. She kept mentioning how she will sort it one on one. We don't want this. She ended it 'see you soon'..then i gave up.

We dont want to see her soon.
I am so anxious now, i keep thinking she will turn up randomly sad

I have had that nervous stomach ache since then and a headache. 6 months ive been fine and now i feel back to this little girl.

MommyBird Wed 05-Feb-14 22:39:24

Posted to soon!

She has decided to hack at me because DH is ignoring her.

What do i do? Get DH to message her? Ignore her?

Im so worried about her turning up while DH is at work.

Monetbyhimself Wed 05-Feb-14 22:42:53

Block her on FB. Do not engage.

Hissy Wed 05-Feb-14 22:46:35

Block her. Seriously! Bugger the online abuse for a game of soldiers!

Hissy Wed 05-Feb-14 22:47:17

If she turns up, call the police.

Nothing less.

MommyBird Wed 05-Feb-14 22:50:18

DH is doing that now.

I'm also worried she will try and take us to court to see our dds. Although i do think it's doubtful as she hasn't been bothered to see them (4 and 6 months) but she's the type to do it. just because.

DD1 hasnt even mentioned her and DD2 doesnt know her at all. She has made out like she loves them so much but it's all words.

MommyBird Wed 05-Feb-14 22:52:30

I suffer with Anxiety so i allways worry about things that arn't likely to happen!

DH has just said she is dysfunctional which is why the rest of his family doesn't talk to her.

She has had chance after chance after chance with us. we can't do it anymore.

Aussiebean Thu 06-Feb-14 01:07:56

You are doing the right thing. Don't worry about that aspect. You don't have to answer the phone or open the door. If she keeps knocking call the police. Your mil has brought this all on herself.

Block her phone number, her email and it's great she is off Facebook.

Try not to give her any more head space.

MommyBird Thu 06-Feb-14 07:15:33

Thank you, i'll try not too.

I'm abit gutted that i sank to her level and kept answering back, she still didn't listen and she actually fully believes she is the one being treated badly.

Has anyone been taken to court by toxic family members for access? Its worrying me so much.

I was feeling sorry for her untill this. She could of texted a 'happy birthday' but instead made it all about her.

whiteblossom Thu 06-Feb-14 07:59:19

block, do not engage. ignore everything. If she turns up don't answer the door if she persists ring the police.

If she wants to spend money on lawyers, let her try!

whiteblossom Thu 06-Feb-14 08:00:20

oh and print off all evidence of nastiness, fb, texts etc everything that shows her up for who she really is. keep them, a rainy day might come by.

MommyBird Thu 06-Feb-14 08:04:17

We have texts, diary enteries, my counselling notes aswell as HV and Midwife notes explaining why my PND was bad and that i suffer from anxiety.

Can we get texts from phone companies? Its been going on 5 years now.

How do we print off texts? DH is getting a new phone friday so we need the texts off that phone.

petalsandstars Thu 06-Feb-14 08:10:39

Grandparents have to prove a relationship that is valuable to continue to courts. Don't worry about it. She doesn't have this.

MommyBird Thu 06-Feb-14 08:43:37

How will she try and prove that?

My dd hasn't askef about her 6 months. when she did come down she didn't play with her and would ask her when she is going home. to her dace. blush

MommyBird Thu 06-Feb-14 08:46:14

*face

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 06-Feb-14 08:48:45

Do not engage her at all; no contact is precisely that. Any response from you is seen by her as a reward so she will then bother you even more.

Grandparents also have no automatic rights to see their grandchildren; some grandparents really should not be allowed any access to their grandchildren.

MommyBird Thu 06-Feb-14 08:58:18

That's what i'm worried about. She has told people i have an eating disorder aswell as treated us all like rubbish.

My babies are only tiny and we really don't want to allow access. There was a time when we would plead with her to see them more but not now, not now the penny has dropped and we know she is toxic. She doesn't deserve them.

I think she did it to get a reaction out of DH. He knows what she is like so has just left her to it.

I don't understand her at all. How can someone create so much drama and then play the victim?!

KippyVonKipperson Thu 06-Feb-14 09:04:14

I think in order to win a court battle shed have to prove she had a substantial relationship with your girls and it would be detrimental to them for that not to continue. I guess for instance if she'd been looking after them for you while you were at work or something, or seeing them very regularly - the courts would only hear in favour of her if they thought it was in the child's best interests, and you have an awful lot of evidence it wouldn't be. For starters it doesn't sound like she had a substantial relationship with them in the first place, and secondly you have all sorts of evidence and can get statements from independant people to say how her behaviour is affecting you/your family. Think about it, health visitors, midwife, GP? Other members of the family that have gone NC. I doubt it would even get to that but if it did look how much outside support you'd have.

Block on facebook, I'm sure half the reason she was being so nasty was because its public and other people can see it, and she knows that. If she continues to harrass you speak to the police for advice, or make a complaint, and make sure the police record it just in case you ever want to use that in court.

MommyBird Thu 06-Feb-14 09:32:48

She has never had a realtionship with them. DD is 4 and used to moan if she saw her. In all fairness, Step FIL would play with her/colour etc occasionaly but MIL would sit, moan, talk about money and drink tea. I have no idea why she bothered coming down.
When DD would ask her to play she said she couldnt cause she was drinking her tea. confused

The reason she would come down was because DH would pick her up and take her home once a week, during the week. At a time that was best for her, not us, days that was best for her, not us.
If she could do a certain day, and we had plans, we was expexted to change our plans to suit her, if we didnt she would moan we was stopping her seeing DD1 and guilt trip us.
She would often cancel. Even if we had changed our plans for her. This went on for 3 years.

She would cancel due to tierdness, period pain and. nce because she was hungover. She would then moan she didnt see dd enough. She lives 20ish mins away and is early 40s. When DH couldnt pick her up anymore she StepFIL would bring her down on a weekend.

Dh had a change of hours, i was heavily pregnant/due dd2, dd1 started pre school and we couldnt do weekends anymore. So we gave her a few weeks notice to arrange transport and she ignored this and just contined to text/guilt trip..then got stepFIL involved...we told her we didnt need this with a newborn and i had PND and was told to stay away from stress....she contined and honestly didnt care.

She couldnt be bothered to arrange transport so gave us abuse. It was horrible. It was like we had to drop everything and continue planning our life around her. It got too much and we just decided NC.

Ive had no panic attacks, anxiety attacks. Its.been fab. and now this again, i feel so anxious.
Sorry about the essay.

ddubsgirl Thu 06-Feb-14 10:33:57

if she could afford to go to court I doubt it would even get that far as shes hasnt had any kind of relationship with the kids so stop worring xxxx block on fb and dont reply to any letters etc change mobile numbers and landline

Hissy Thu 06-Feb-14 14:22:03

Taking DC to court for access to GC is not the same as a man taking his partner to court for access.

the court process (i believe) is only to ascertain if the GP has ANY right to even begin the court process. Nothing will happen until that is categorically proved.

From the little you have said here, she has ZERO chance of getting permission to bring this to court. It will be tossed out at the very first opportunity.

Granville72 Thu 06-Feb-14 14:44:06

block her on FB, don't answer text messages etc. If she turns up at your door, don't answer it to her.

MommyBird Thu 06-Feb-14 16:33:46

Thank you. You have made me feel so much happier.
She left it as 'i will see you soon' when i told her i didn't want to see her.

DH has said thats a threat. If she acts upon it, he will call the police.

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