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Just worried

(3 Posts)
justit Wed 05-Feb-14 22:34:45

My son while ago decided to stay with his dad and his new gf

I suppose I'm the one to blame for my son decision however he was young kid when it happened
I was upset because my ExH from many reasons should not agree to it
He should consider son's education

After a few years my son come back
or should I say I told him to stay

Ex left him (went to work in different country) with his gf

My son come back in such terrible stage
His well I should call her stepmother
Looks like she got bored with playing mum role
Unfortunately she abused my son so badly before she kick him out

When he finally got the currage to tell us what she did to him I was shocked

Ive manage to contact police in his dad country but I don't think they would take my complain in any way

My son while staying there he never told us about any problems never complained
First real bell for me was when he contacted us to ask for money because his stepmother was closing home and his dad was away
I Supported him anyway but when he finally admitted to his sister (he was to ashamed to tell me)

I'm just worried for him right now
He had been told so many lies about me
When we managed to sit and talk I was shocked

There was a time that his stepmother was denying him even telephone contact with me
Im feeling guilty
I was very ill while ago when I've ask my ExH to take kids for holidays
It was my the biggest mistake

My boy now is not the same person
years of rejection left such permanent mark on him
he always knew he can come back to me earlier I was worried about his school but we could have manage like we always did before
he was to proud and ashamed to do it

I'm so disappointed in ExH and his stepmother well I really think she should be charged with abuse but well it won't change anything

My son he is so upset he is trying to put brave face but I can see how huge impact it has on him

He is upset with me I was trying to explain him that I was ill and he was big enough to make his own decisions to stay with dad at that point
he had so many chances to come back to us anyway but he was to proud to tell me the true whats going on in his dad home

I was trying to reassure him that he doesn't have to worry all life on the front of him
He will have to put so much more work in school but I believe he can do it

I do feel like I faild him

I know you can't really turn back time
But I shoud've put more pressure on him to tell me true earlier on

I would never forgive that women for treating my son this way and I'm so angry with my ExH for letting it happened

Anniegetyourgun Thu 06-Feb-14 08:10:34

Look, you thought it was right at the time, or you wouldn't have let it ride. You thought your son would be safe with his own father. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it? If only foresight was as clear. You cannot go back and undo the mess, sadly, but you can love your boy now and provide as stable a home for him as possible and help him to heal.

Nobody can save their children from all the ills of the world, we can just try to give them the equipment to deal with it and back them up and mop up the tears. This is your role now. You clearly love your boy very very much and he needs to know that.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 06-Feb-14 08:56:33

Ex's partner sounds a piece of work but he bears responsibility for failing to protect DS.

If DS was told lies about you, then as well as any physical neglect or inadequate provision of schooling, he was denied a proper relationship with you and his sister.

Are you looking for counselling for DS? He must have felt so let down by his father and he will have trust issues.

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