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Am I in the right in being pissed off with DP over engagement announcement?

(6 Posts)
DisgruntledBryde Wed 05-Feb-14 18:00:23

DP and I have just become engaged. I asked him today if we could tell his mum before he goes away for the week and I'll tell mine. I also suggested we tell our kids (his two and my two, all over the age of 13). Anyway he said he's nervous about telling people - this got my back up straight away but then he goes on to say he's nervous about people's reactions, his family thinking he's making 'another' mistake, his kids being upset that he's not getting back with their mother (they've been separated 3 years, divorced for 2! I wasn't OW) and he's worried about work colleagues taking the piss and gossiping.

I'm really quite angry at him, why does he care so much about what people think and why is he turning our engagement into a heap of complicated stress? Why can't we just announce it and be happy? It's making me paranoid that if certain people are not happy about it he won't take much persuading to change his mind!

Another thing he said was that it's a big deal to announce to the world that you're settling down - well we've been together two years, living together etc - surely that's a given by now?!

Or am I just being touche?

kotinka Wed 05-Feb-14 18:02:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys Wed 05-Feb-14 18:14:19

I would be pretty upset. DP and I told people straight away and he had to field loads of questions at work the following day, as did I! But that was part of the fun.

He also has DC and an ex and he still didn't feel the need to keep it some dirty little secret hmm

newbieman1978 Wed 05-Feb-14 19:32:15

Maths isn't my strong point but if you've been together 2 years and he'd been divorced 2 years then you got together as his divorce was being finalised or there about, right?

To lots of people a divorce is the finality of a relationship so it is possibly thought that he's jumped from one relationship to the next. That's what I get from how you describe possible reactions from parents and friends ect.

The only way to "show" people your relationship is strong is to continue to be happy and content and last.

How did the engagement come about? was it a romantic one knee out of the blue thing or more of a discussion "we should take things to the next level" sort of thing?

Perhaps your partner is genuinly not ready for marriage again.

Fairenuff Wed 05-Feb-14 20:23:56

No point in being engaged if you have to keep it a secret. He does not own you, tell him that you are going to tell your children, your family and your friends. He can do as he wishes.

If that causes a massive problem then don't marry him.

WhoNickedMyName Wed 05-Feb-14 20:27:52

Depends really.

If you have a date planned, and it's imminent, then yeah I understand why you're pissed off.

If this is one of those engagements where it's a vague - oh we'll get married at some point, in 2/3/4 years or so - then there's really not much to tell is there?

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