Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Unexpected spanking. [blush]

(57 Posts)
SilenceWillFall Wed 05-Feb-14 14:20:38

So, NC'd, before anyone accuses me of being a troll or a journo.

yesterday, DP and I were having sex and everything was going as normal - not boring or anything, but quite vanilla. And suddenly, he leans forward and smacked my arse with some enthusiasm. He's never done it before and it took me quite by surprise. It wasn't unpleasant - I didn't object, and erm, quite enjoyed it.

But today I'm feeling a bit weird about it. Am I odd for enjoying it? Was it odd for him to do it? Argh, so many questions. Any advice from the wise women of MN would be welcome.

gamerchick Wed 05-Feb-14 14:22:13

There is nothing odd about what you've said. See it as a pleasant surprise ;)

moanymandy Wed 05-Feb-14 14:24:51

You're not odd to enjoy it at all. But its odd to not speak about it. This is something that needs to be mutually agreed imho.
Have a talk about it, you never know it may open the door to a whole new sex life! smile

HotCrossPun Wed 05-Feb-14 14:27:49

I don't think it's odd that you enjoyed it.

But it's a bit odd for him to do it without some kind of vocalisation from you beforehand.

I'd have a wee chat with him about it.

Dahlen Wed 05-Feb-14 14:33:55

I think you need to talk about him.

Chances are that he wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject and gave in to a sudden urge. Have you been reading 50 Shades of Grey or commented on it? wink

It's fine in the sense that it turns out you liked it. But you might not have done. And then it would be creepy and borderline abusive. You didn't and it isn't, but you want to make sure you avoid a situation where that could happen - because once you feel it's all 'wrong' it's very difficult to go back.

Seeing as he instigated it, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, but you need to talk in order to establish clear boundaries. Personally, in a LTR you could view it as a whole new chapter in your sex life.

SilenceWillFall Wed 05-Feb-14 14:40:17

grin @ 50 shades of grey, good lord, no.

It was a bit out of the blue. I agree I need to talk to him about it, I normally would have done, but I guess I needed to gather my thoughts and gain a little perspective.

babynugget Wed 05-Feb-14 14:42:16

I agree with Dahlen and also wondered about the 50 Shades effect! I wouldn't make a big deal of it on this occasion and just pass comment in a light hearted way that it was a surprising change and you quite liked it but you might need a bit of a heads up in future when he wants to try new stuff. I guess stopping in the middle of dtd to have a discussion might be a bit of a passion killer!

Dahlen Wed 05-Feb-14 14:44:33

You should come downstairs after DC are in bed saying "Darling, we need to talk" and then produce a whip. grin

<sorry>

SilenceWillFall Wed 05-Feb-14 14:52:43

grin

But actually, yes, you kind of raise something I was a bit confused about - will this mean he suddenly wants to raise the game a bit? I know, I know, I have to speak to him about it...

HMG83 Wed 05-Feb-14 15:06:44

Dunno about him wanting to raise the game now.......my DP did this once last year and never again since which has left me a little disappointed as it was quite a pleasant surprise!

Joysmum Wed 05-Feb-14 15:11:22

Just because people enjoy an occasional spanking, doesn't mean they are going to keep 'raising the game'. People like what they like, try what they think they might like and either repeat or decline to do it again. If you want to repeat, do it. If you don't, don't do it.

However, you both need to work on communication. Spanking is great for lusty fucking, not appropriate for a lovely session of lovemaking. You need to be able to express what's good and when.

Andy1964 Wed 05-Feb-14 15:33:26

I'm thinking a little 'special' pillow talk is the way to go tonight.
Tell him how you felt about it, give him some feed back.

GinSoakedBitchyPony Wed 05-Feb-14 15:37:26

He's probably picked it up from porn.
It's something I hate when a man does it without prior discussion. I'm not sure when it became ok to smack a woman during sex.
Oh yes, I am. It's when porn became 'normal'.

GinSoakedBitchyPony Wed 05-Feb-14 15:38:08

I should have written 'not sure when it became ok to smack a woman without checking it's ok first'.

SilenceWillFall Wed 05-Feb-14 16:01:46

GinSoakedBitchyPony, I don't think he's picked it up from porn, afaik, he doesn't watch it. But yes, I think that was one of my concerns - the consent thing. I can't help feeling he over stepped the mark a tad. But I will be speaking to him about it this evening.

squeakytoy Wed 05-Feb-14 16:04:06

Did you tell him to stop? You say you enjoyed it, so I really dont see why it is now an issue.

bestsonever Wed 05-Feb-14 16:07:37

I have come across this a few times. Can't say it's my personal thing. "What am I? A horse?" is the first thing that crosses my mind at such times, I make it quite clear that it does nothing for me shortly after, problem solved :-).

MadeMan Wed 05-Feb-14 16:14:59

It works for Turk - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irEnZqT2siU

redundantandbitter Wed 05-Feb-14 16:23:23

Hmm not experienced it but other stuff, and pretty much been happy with it. Except the time he put his hand a little too close to my neck for my liking, so I just moved it out of the way and carried on. Never did it again, didn't feel the need to discuss.

I have seen slapping whilst having sex on porn sites and wondered what is THAT all about? But it's horses for courses.

Leavenheath Wed 05-Feb-14 17:44:16

Central to this is the issue of consent.

He spanked you with no discussion beforehand about whether this was something you'd agree to, or might enjoy.

He just did it.

It doesn't matter a fig whether you enjoyed it. One person's enjoyable sexual practice is another's assault. The only way a person can scope how a partner feels about it, is by asking.

He didn't.

I'd also be surprised if he wasn't a porn user.

Andy1964 Wed 05-Feb-14 17:47:30

It wasn't unpleasant - I didn't object, and erm, quite enjoyed it.

Do you really need to make this a big issue? Surly a little sexy pillow talk about it would suffice

LovesPeace Wed 05-Feb-14 18:57:54

It's a gentle aspect of kinky sex - and kinky people are very careful to;
1. Discuss their likes and dislikes, the latter being off limits.
2. Have a safe word which, when said stops everything dead.

You need to talk.

saggytummy Wed 05-Feb-14 19:45:29

There is nothing wrong with trying a little spanking. If he hits the right spot can be enjoyable and I think releases endorphines. Men can enjoy it too ime. It doesn't mean he's an avid porn user either.

pinkflaming0 Wed 05-Feb-14 19:48:41

I had a lover smack my bottom once during sex. We hadn't talked about it immediately beforehand (I think that would've taken the edge off the moment so to speak) but we'd discussed 'what if' and I'd said I wouldn't mind, I might like it. So, it was fine and I did quite like it. It was playful rather than aggressive.

I agree with the 'lusty fuck' comment - that was us!

It's not something any of my other partners have done and I know he had been a porn user in the past - but whether that had anything to do with it I don't know. I'd have been happy for him to do it again but that was our last time together sad

WashingWashingWashing Wed 05-Feb-14 19:59:02

Someone did it to me 20yrs ago (before the advent of internet porn really) & I was stunned! Proper put me off it did!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now