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Can I salvage tonight?

(10 Posts)
MoleyMick Tue 04-Feb-14 12:21:00

It's 10pm here. It's our wedding anniversary tomorrow so my parents have got the two dc and we got a movie, pizza, drinks etc. DH has been abut grumpy all day, said he was tired etc.
He got the dinner and we watched the film and he was pretty quiet, after it finished he said he wanted an early night (not in a good way!). This is a man who tends to sit up til 2am on his nights off- he works nights so it's his body clock I suppose. I said jokingly "oh, the night I'm up with you and don't have to get up early with the kids you're off to bed are you?" He got all grumpy and said he wouldn't go to bed but tbh by then I was over trying to be cheerful and so we sat watching tv in silence. He's just gone to bed saying "I'm off then if you're going to sit there being angry."
I said I was pretty disappointed with night, he said I was picking for a fight, I said why on earth would I be picking a fight when I wanted a rare romantic night alone, blah blah, off he's gone.
Can tonight be salvaged? Am I being unreasonable? I'm just sitting here now feeling fed up, a bit annoyed and quite sad.

ChippingInWadesIn Tue 04-Feb-14 12:25:09


You could probably salvage it a little bit by going to bed and snuggling up with him...

...even though it's not your fault it was ruined.

Any idea why he was being such a grumpy arse? How have things been lately? It might just be work, but if things haven't been good (for him at least) Anniversaries can be hard if you aren't feeling like it's a good thing to be together sad

KnockMeDown Tue 04-Feb-14 12:27:09

I would say it can't, and it's not your fault. He has been grumpy all day in preparation for tonight. He knew you were hoping for a romantic evening - anniversary tomorrow, dc away, takeaway etc etc, and if he had been up for it, he would have made an effort.

I would suggest a bit if straight talking tomorrow, find out why he is so grumpy?

MoleyMick Tue 04-Feb-14 12:30:09

I probably could but I'm not feeling very snuggly!
Things are ok. We had a big argument a couple of weeks ago, about getting a car fixed of all the stupid things but you know how a little argument can roll into a bigger one, but I thought it was sorted. He works nights and I work from home in my own business so we are busy and don't see a lot of each other - which is why I thought tonight would be lovely!
Thanks for the unmumsnetty hugs!

MoleyMick Tue 04-Feb-14 12:31:02

Yes straight talking tomorrow I think. So bloody disappointed though.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys Tue 04-Feb-14 13:12:09

Even if he was tired, he could have made an effort. Nights without the DC are rare and should be treasured.

But, I will say that I'd be annoyed if DP asked me to stay up, and then he sat there in a sulk because I'd wanted to go to bed. I think you could either have gone up with him for a cuddle and a kiss, or, after asking him to stay up, you could have snuggled up on the sofa and maybe made an effort instead of sitting there in silence.

If my options were an early night or awkward silence infront of the TV, I' pick the former. Maybe he just wasn't in the mood and when he finally decided to make an effort by staying up (albeit reluctantly) he was met with silence.

I think you need to talk to him. It's not on for him to ruin a good evening. An early night would have been fine if he'd been chatty and happy up until that point, I'm sure!

MoleyMick Tue 04-Feb-14 13:19:47

I agree that that could have been annoying (though technically I didn't ask him to stay up, I know that's not picking though!) but I had been trying to be cheery up to then and just had enough. He's asleep now, I'm in bed on mn.
I just feel like, yeah he was tired but we've got a whole morning to sleep in tomorrow. I even asked at about 430 if he wanted to go for a sleep so he wouldn't be tired to watch the movie.
The whole night seems just symbolic of something. Differing expectations maybe sad

MoleyMick Tue 04-Feb-14 13:20:26

*nit picking

ChippingInWadesIn Tue 04-Feb-14 13:50:03

Sadly I do think there is a problem, whether it's major or minor who knows, but you do need to talk. Maybe something was said in your arguement the other week that he is still simmering over or maybe he's unhappy about something else.

It is very much time to put your cards on the line and say 'This isn't right - we need to have a proper talk about how our relationship is going for both of us' and don't be fobbed off. Hopefully then you can prevent any major hurdles.

I am sure there will be plenty of people saying 'FGS he was just tired' but I don't buy that. It doesn't take much effort to chat & cuddle and not be a grumpy fucker on your anniversary if you are happy with your partner and love them.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys Tue 04-Feb-14 16:00:52

Honestly OP, I would be upset too. If DP and I have a night planned, I do expect him to put some effort in, regardless of how tired he might be. You can be tired and still put in some effort for a couple of hours for the sake of your marriage.

I agree with chipping that it's probably symbolic of something else. You need to talk about it after a night's sleep and when neither of you are rushing off to work. I'm sure your parents would be happy to babysit again if it means you can have a second night in with DH smile

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