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No experience of sex - how do I do this??

(11 Posts)
ISaidNoNoNever Mon 03-Feb-14 23:07:40

Name change for this but regular poster.

Due to long term health problems I was quite isolated for most of my teens and 20s and am a virgin because of this. No mental issues with sex at all, just a lack of opportunity. Have been online dating for a bit and have met a nice man, and will hopefully be meeting up in the next week or so. But if this gets to the stage of dtd, how do I do this?? Are there any guides for adults who are new to sex? The only ones I can find are for people who are virgins until marriage which doesn't really apply to me! He is not a virgin so that will presumably help. Relatedly, how do I tell him? Should I?

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Mon 03-Feb-14 23:18:33

Don't tell him until you are totally comfortable with him. Tell him face to face so that you can see how he reacts. Go at your pace and don't be rushed into anything :-)

ISaidNoNoNever Mon 03-Feb-14 23:23:49

I meant more of a literal guide on what to do blush

I know the basics from school as to what goes where, but other than the basic mechanics I don't know how to have sex.

ashtrayheart Mon 03-Feb-14 23:26:09

Teenagers work it out, I'm sure you'll be fine. Go with the flow.

Smartiepants79 Mon 03-Feb-14 23:31:08

I would tell him, presuming you get to a point where you trust him.
Sex is a funny thing. Every experience is different and every persons experience is different. First times can be terribly awkward. Don't build it p in your head too much! Mine was but it was with someone who loved me very much so it was also lovely at the same time!
I was a late starter (23) and he's still my one and only!
Hopefully if you take things at a pace that suits you the mechanics of it will slowly build up till its just sort of happens. You will have gone through the preliminary stages a few times before you actually DTD.
Make sure you've sorted some contraception before you get to that point to.

Paintyfingers Mon 03-Feb-14 23:32:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ISaidNoNoNever Tue 04-Feb-14 00:19:36

Thanks everyone. And thank you for the reminder about contraception!

Lweji Tue 04-Feb-14 00:47:23

In addition to the advice given, if you haven't yet, explore your own body.
Find out what turns you on.
And you don't have to go all the way the first time. You can start by exploring each other's bodies until you feel ready.

HandsOffMyGazBaz Tue 04-Feb-14 01:21:24

You can find literal guides on the Internet.

sykadelic15 Tue 04-Feb-14 03:59:00

PLEASE use condoms (the pill as well would be good back-up). As unromantic as it sounds (though you can make it sexy) check out his penis for sores or anything like that. Condoms don't protect from everything.

Don't fall for the "I'm safe" or "I'm allergic to latex" or anything about not using condoms until you've seen a medical report stating he's clean. Friend of mine ended up with chlamydia and another with worse.

As for the "how to do it". I remember thinking the exact same thing my first time and worried I'd look like a novice... trust me that he knows where to go and what to do with it :P Really all there is to it is for him to be hard and for him to put it in... SLOWLY the first time. I suggest either you on top so you can control the speed at first, or missionary. There is nothing wrong with changing positions during if you want, but lubrication is key! It will probably hurt just a little (it didn't really hurt me at all as my hymen had already broken) and you may bleed a little. Depends on a few factors.

As for what YOU do... that varies and honestly the first time isn't probably going to be all that special (you'll have much better sex down the line) so try not to stress too much about getting it right this first time. A good guy will enjoy teaching you BUT be wary that he doesn't make you do anything that makes you uncomfortable (lest he use "inexperienced" to mean that you'll fall for his line of "all girls love this"). Some women are very vocal, some like to be quiet, some like to talk dirty... Some like a lot of foreplay, some like it hard and fast, some like it slow... You'll find what you like over time (and you'll probably find you'll want sex a LOT in the beginning!).

nickymanchester Tue 04-Feb-14 17:04:41

In addition to the advice given, if you haven't yet, explore your own body. Find out what turns you on

This is really really good advice - seriously

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