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Okay, I know I shouldn't rant about my MIL, but...

(9 Posts)
frogs Wed 02-Aug-06 19:22:15

...I'm going to.

Children are all at MIL's this week, which is great, even though I know she only does it to be able to see the children on her terms without my influence.


We've just successfully potty-trained dd2 (2.8) who is not the most (ahem) naturally co-operative child. As long as she's put on the potty every couple of hours she's pretty reliable, and can hold on eg. for the duration of a 2-hour car journey. But one little accident at MIL's, and she's put her back into nappies (okay, trainer pants, but the same thing). Grrrr.

And I'd just rather laboriously rearranged her sleep patterns to get her used to doing without a daytime sleep so we can get her evenings back and, guess what! MIL has been letting her have a 2-hour kip at lunchtime. Dd1 informs me she did try to tell MIL to keep to our routines, but MIL announced it was her house and she was going to do it her way.

Plus she's apparently (dd1 is my loyal mole!) taken them all to Asda and spent a fortune on clothes that will live at MIL's house and thus be worn for one week per year. I'm probably being paranoid, but I do find the fact that she keeps a whole parallel wardrobe for them at her house a bit weird -- as if she needs to make them over in her own image, somehow. It particularly p*sses me off when we've just had to shell out a fortune for dd1's new secondary school uniform, and I'm wondering where the money for the next round of school shoes is going to come from.

I know, I know, it's her money and she can do what she likes with it. I just hate the slightly freaky controllingness of it, and the waste, when there are so many things we do actually need.

Silly witch.

Steppy1 Wed 02-Aug-06 19:26:19

be thankful that you have a MIL who wants to see the children...mine has not seen hers since Christmas and shows no inclination of wanting too....DH and I have recently had a few sessions at Relate and the councellor has told him that he should confront his mother on this subject........They can still be so bl*y irritating though can't they...and so selfish too , makes my blood BOIL!!

Cappucino Wed 02-Aug-06 19:29:38

oh well

let her have her evenings ruined

at least you won't have to wash the clothes

Miaou Wed 02-Aug-06 19:30:25

frogs, that would p*ss me off mightily too. Yes it might be "nice" that she wants to see them, but not if you spend several weeks following the visit undoing all the bad habits she has started!

Particularly [wangry] on your behalf

Miaou Wed 02-Aug-06 19:31:20

That's [ angry] with some wine involved

frogs Wed 02-Aug-06 19:31:28

I am wangry on your behalf too, Miaou -- have just posted on your other thread.

nicnack2 Wed 02-Aug-06 19:35:49

hey my MIL is visiting for two week at the end of this month. she has yet to acknowledge DS2 who is 5 months. She is only staying as i have gone back to work fulltime and dh id now SAHD. At least ds1 will still be at childminder and ds2 is too young i am dreading it. at least my work allows me to have 'emergencies'!

Olihan Wed 02-Aug-06 19:36:04

I have the same problem with the routines issue with my mother. (my mil will do exactly as i ask - she's a star!) She looked after my ds when I was in hospital having dd last summer, I left her a list of exactly what he did when, etc, and she took NO notice. So i come home with a newborn and ds is a screaming nightmare because he's missed his sleep for 2 days running - this is a child who has 2-3 hours nap a day!! Her response was 'well, they need to be a bit flexible, they shouldn't be in too strict a routine'...........Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh

She hasn't had them since then without me there, but she's having them for a couple of days this summer while we go to a wedding. I'm going to tell her that unless she sticks to their routines and does EXACTLY what I ask with them then she won't be having them on her own again. It drives me bloody insane that they think they know what's good for our children better than we do .

Why do they feel it necessary to undermine everything we've done just to suit their own agenda? I would be absolutely steaming about what your mil has done re potty training and sleeping. It's not her who'll have to deal with the consequences next week, is it?

Grrrrrr, bloody interfering grandparents.

Sorry, rant over, I haven't got anything helpful to add, but I feel better for getting it off my chest!!

Wigglesworth Thu 09-Oct-08 13:16:17

My parents are driving me insane too. My Mum thinks she is supernanny and knows it all about babies when in reality she brought me and my bro up 30 years ago and hasn't had any real contact with babies since. She always asks if baby is warm enough and how they used to wrap them up. I have told her countless times that being too hot is dangerous but still thinks he is going to get ill if he is dressed in less than a snow suit! She also keeps asking me when am I going to wean him cos back in the day they started weaning at 3 months and put rusk and rice in bottles! I tell her that is not right anymore and she just scoffs at what I say. I know my Dad eggs her on cos he says stuff to me like "your Mum is good with him" and is always going on about them looking after him for us cos we will want a night out.
It really pisses my DH off so much that he has stopped coming to their house with me to avoid the situation as it causes tension between us and I am starting to feel the same, which is really sad cos I do love my parents. However, I truly believe they think that I am a 16 year old Gymslip mum who cannot possibly know how to do it. I really don't want or need her advice especially when it's bollocks!! I am a 28 year old married woman with a home a good job and I think they have real problems with the fact that I do not rely on them.
It has got to the point were I don't want to leave him with them for any length of time i.e. over night or have them feed him etc. I feel that if I tell her how we do it she will try it her way so that she can gloat about it if it works! I am also worried that she will do it the old school way and it is potentially dangerous i.e. over heating etc.
Am I over reacting? Should I just be blunt and tell them to butt out or should I bite my tongue?

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