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Anyone decided to give up on relationships?

(107 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Sun 02-Feb-14 19:55:48

And feel better for it? I have just got rid of the latest of a long line of pricks. I do choose some right idiots.
I'm no angel. I do get quite insecure if I'm with a new partner and although I try not to show it, it must manifest. Tbh I am very sad as I feel very unsupported. I suffer from anxiety occasionally and my last bf dumped me because of my anxiety regarding a new job.
Men never seem to deliver the kind of support that I crave. I have been dumped for: starting a new job, getting pregnant, getting upset about drugs, etc etc etc.
I just feel like giving up and that I'm destined to be alone but at the same time I feel a bit jealous of everyone around me who seems it so easy to find someone to love and support them.

MadeMan Sun 02-Feb-14 20:05:20

There are plenty of threads on MN that suggest you're probably not the only person that feels unsupported in relationships.

superstarheartbreaker Sun 02-Feb-14 20:06:55

They are supposed to be a source of support aren't they but tbh I find them completely the opposite!

cafesociety Sun 02-Feb-14 20:16:51

I gave up years ago now. Just when I felt happy and secure with husband/partners, along would come a bombshell [usually an OW] and once again I'd be rejected. Time after time.

Then I took control as every time it made me unwell for months at a time and I couldn't afford to risk my physical and mental health.

I have no idea how others maintain happy and supported relationships, it's a mystery. But I'd rather be on my own than to try again. Most of the time it's fine, freedom, very liberating and I don't feel so vulnerable. A bit rough when unwell though.

NaffOrf Sun 02-Feb-14 20:19:02

Men never seem to deliver the kind of support that I crave

Frankly, I'd be reluctant to enter into a relationship with someone who saw me primarily as a source of support.

Perhaps a counsellor would be more up your street.

Diagonally Sun 02-Feb-14 20:22:28

Pretty much. I don't really have the time or the energy and I'm certainly not unhappy. I have so little time to myself and I need a bit of down time, which I'd be a bit reluctant to share now, tbh.

I'm planning to review things when DC is older.

MadeMan Sun 02-Feb-14 20:24:00

"A bit rough when unwell though."

Yes, I suppose it's always nice to have someone around to bring in Lucozade or a Beecham's hot lemon. smile

superstarheartbreaker Sun 02-Feb-14 20:36:09

I don't just want support... I'm looking for fun and friendship too but it would be nice to let's say....not go through pregnancy and childbirth alone etc.

DorothyGherkins Sun 02-Feb-14 20:37:39

Completely given up after three prats - all 'intelligent' men. They all seemed to suck all the life out of me, take the piss completely, and have no regard to my needs or feelings. Feel so much better off, two years down the line, since I made the decision to go it alone. Have all my spare time to myself now, no more wife work, and have done things these last two years that I ve wanted to do for ages - just very simple things that I never had time or the money before. I live in a nice clean quiet house (I shall never be able to afford mine own house though) devoid of mancrap car parts, endless hi fi and televisions. I live in an atmosphere free home now- I can really relax after work. I get a good night's sleep, no more being disturbed by his late night computer activity, then the rest of the night being a battle against snoring.

Farrowandbawl Sun 02-Feb-14 20:38:22

Not given up as such but I'm certainly not looking and nor will I be for as long as I can see.

I'm enjoying the time on my own too much now and like another poster said, I'm reluctant to share my life with anyone at the moment.

DorothyGherkins Sun 02-Feb-14 20:41:16

Sorry, hadnt quite finished - my dc are grown up now, so I dont need the support that a younger parent would -but I feel so so much happier by myself and would be reluctant to share my life again. Feel sad I might have to grow old alone, but better than living the rest of my life in misery.

Snugglesrock Sun 02-Feb-14 20:42:22

I think ive found my home here ladies wink

MadeMan Sun 02-Feb-14 20:50:35

"Feel sad I might have to grow old alone"

A lot of women these days live to be 90 years or so and the husband died in his 70's, so even in a long term relationship you could spend the last 20 years on your own. sad

DorothyGherkins Sun 02-Feb-14 20:56:03

MadeMan - yes, I realise I may have forty years of being responsible for putting the bins out !

superstarheartbreaker Sun 02-Feb-14 20:58:02

Thanks so much for your inspiring stories. I am heartbroken....again and cannot cope with another broken heart anytime soon. I am looking foward to healing and pleasing myself for a bit. I will miss the sex I suppose but will not miss being taken the piss out of at all! Onwards and upwards.

I do wonder if I have a certain type of personality that prefers living alone.

sus14 Sun 02-Feb-14 21:00:59

When i broke up with my last ex aged 30, I was terrified of growing old alone, getting ill alone. In the last ten years , I've been in an abusive relationship, and battled breast cancer. 3 weeks ago I made the decision to leave this relationship, and I absolutely intend to not have another. I have a lovely dd, and I am looking forward to regaining the peace in my mind! I'm 40 in a few weeks, and yes, I am done! Been ill - it wasn't that much fun having to worry about a partners feelings as well as my own, and as for loneliness - nothing can be more lonely than being yelled at night after night. It's got to be better being alone.
I will miss watching tv with him during the good times, and chatting- but that's definitely not enough to stay in a marriage.
oh poo better go and do the bins...

superstarheartbreaker Sun 02-Feb-14 21:03:51

What I've noticed about couples is that everything has to be negotiated from putting the bins out to changing nappies. At least alone I can just do it. I am lonely though.
My ex told me I am beautiful, intelligent and sexy but it wasn't enough to stop him from being a twat too.

sus14 Sun 02-Feb-14 21:05:44

this is really sad, but what i want, more than company, is an ordered house , and an ability to decide where to put things and not have to constantly clean up after a man. That's terrible isn't it. But I think my need for order makes it impossible for me to sustain relationships and I have to face that!

MadeMan Sun 02-Feb-14 21:14:20

It seems the only downside to being alone is putting the bins out...

cafesociety Sun 02-Feb-14 21:16:37

And having no one to bring us a lemsip or lucozade smile

MadeMan Sun 02-Feb-14 21:21:13

Oh yes, those as well. smile

MamaPingu Sun 02-Feb-14 21:21:55

I have also wondered if being along can be a positive thing. The night before last I finally forced DP to admit to cheating when I was pregnant.

So now I am a young mum alone with a 5 month old baby. Fortunately I realised I do EVERYTHING anyway and that a huge weight has been lifted.
This thread has made me feel more positive about my future smile

I don't think I ever want another relationship, I've been cheated on by ever partner I've had and to be cheated on when pregnant has tipped me over the edge.
No more men, just friends and family smile

DorothyGherkins Sun 02-Feb-14 21:24:52

How long have you been on your own, superstar? I think it gets much easier with time - you even start to enjoy the time alone. Do you have a job? Do you have children?

When the father of my children (8 and 4 when he left) decided he needed to go and sow some wild oats at the age of 40, I was devastated - I just didnt see it coming. The first year alone with the kids was a bit rough adjusting. Then it hit me -life was actually a lot easier without him, I didnt have to consult with him over everything - I just made a decision and went with it

DorothyGherkins Sun 02-Feb-14 21:26:20

Life was a constant compromise, usually on my part, so I rarely felt happy or fulfilled.So much easier on your own.

Scarletohello Sun 02-Feb-14 21:30:27

I've been single for the last year when I ended a relationship with a man whom I loved dearly but could never trust. Was utterly heartbroken for months and just don't feel I can go through that again. I know there are nice men out thre but there are so many arseholes and I seem to have terrible judgement so I just don't want to try any more.

I do miss having someone to go on trips with and cuddle and talk things over with etc but I don't want to he taken advantage of again

There is also a sense of shame re being a single woman , a sense of having failed as a woman but for me reading MN has helped a lot with overcoming that!

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