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How do you practice safe sex with oral?

(65 Posts)
mmonroe Fri 31-Jan-14 22:47:42

Genuine question.

My very long term relationship ended a little while ago. I am just thinking of the future and potentially meeting someone else.

Of course I want to practice safe sex and use condoms but I have no idea how oral sex is performed safely. Is it done over the condom?

Can anyone advise as apart from asking a new partner to produce a doctor's note of his sexual health, I don't know what else to do.

MadeMan Sat 01-Feb-14 21:41:26

"You could keep your results in a shagging passport."

Good idea. Could I use this shagging passport as ID to open up a new bank account? Normal passports don't seem to hold any official weight anymore when trying to prove who I am, even though it's obviously me in the picture there.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly Sun 02-Feb-14 07:21:29

It might depend what the picture was of. grin

happywithlife60 Sun 02-Feb-14 09:25:21

I'm glad I'm single! Whatever happened to romance? Its like Russian roulette whether you catch anything or not. If the few dates I've been on are typical for others men cant wait to whip it out and wave it in your face. How do you stay safe and not feel rubbish about it?

Joysmum Sun 02-Feb-14 09:33:03

The truth is, most people don't practice safe oral sex.

Condones or dental dams can be used to help protect against disease spread through fluids, but even then you aren't entirely safe as touch spreads disease too.

itsbetterthanabox Sun 02-Feb-14 09:39:03

Flavoured condoms are good! I like the blueberry ones. It's still good for the guy! Flavoured dental dams and using a toy on you would be safe and fun grin.
I really think mocking the op for being safe is pathetic and nasty you sound like teenagers or men who pretend they can't use condoms.

EirikurNoromaour Sun 02-Feb-14 09:43:08

I wouldn't use a condom for oral sex, it would probably make me vom. I've licked a flavoured one to see once, it tasted like cheap foul sweets mixed with rubber. Disgusting. But then I don't give oral often and it's not something I'd do on a one night stand. I'd be happy to save that until the point where we were both talking about being tested and what have you.

AbouttoCrack Sun 02-Feb-14 09:44:11

This thread is making me feel sick. I'm off.

mmonroe Sun 02-Feb-14 09:48:40

Thanks itsbetterthanabox

As I said, it's a genuine question after having come out of a very long term marriage and my health is very important to me.

I am talking about starting a new relationship and am not into one night stands.

This isn't the stuff you get taught in school and I just thought MN could give me some helpful advice.

EirikurNoromaour Sun 02-Feb-14 10:09:55

About it's not compulsory to read and comment on any thread if it offends you hmm

This stuff is actually fucking important. No offence meant to the OP but Middle Aged divorcees are the fastest growing group for contracting stis because they never learnt about safer sex/how to negotiate dating and safer sex before they got married. The OP is a case in point, wondering whether you need a 'good reason' to get an sti check. (Again, no offence). It's extremely useful to have these conversations and mumsnet is a very sensible place to have them.

gamerchick Sun 02-Feb-14 12:25:49

You don't need a reason to get a sexual health screen. They're not just about disease.. getting you bits checked out is as important as getting a dental check up imo.

I go every couple of years to make sure all is well.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly Sun 02-Feb-14 17:56:45

<applauds Eirikur> I had to ask a RL friend how to ask a bloke to put a condom on when I started shagging dating after my divorce. I wish I'd known about MN and asked here instead, there would have been a lot less blush blush going on!

bebopanddoowop Sun 02-Feb-14 18:21:20

Make to female oral you can't really protect from. It's how I got herpes. To be fair I can't be angry 'cos the guy didn't even have a coldsore in full force at the time, but they're contagious even before they're really noticeable to the eye.

beachside Sun 02-Feb-14 23:50:36

Joysmum said - the truth is, most people don't practice safe oral sex.

I think you'll find that, rightly or wrongly, most people don't practice safe sex - at all.

And, as we've discussed before, there are some areas showing some reasonably low increases in transmission. But taken in context with the amount of unsafe casual sex, ONS, affairs etc, then really, you do have to be pretty unlucky to get something that you only need a course of antibiotics for.

''Figures released today by the Health Protection Agency (HPA) show new sexually transmitted infection (STI) diagnoses rose by two per cent in England in 2011, with nearly 427,000 new cases, reversing the small decline observed the previous year. Young heterosexual adults (15-24 years) and men who have sex with men (MSM) remain the groups at highest risk.''

mmonroe Mon 03-Feb-14 00:03:53

Well said Eirikur - although I'm not middle aged but I agree with your point and understand it was made in general terms.

beachside - for me, they are reassuring statistics. I just don't want to be one of the unlucky ones.

Grumpasaurus Mon 03-Feb-14 01:08:10

Op I work in sexual health. You absolutely need I practice safe oral sex; you can catch both sexually transmitted infections (like gonorrhoea or chlamydia) and sexually transmitted diseases (like herpes and HIV) through giving and receiving oral sex. Infections can be cured whilst diseases are lifelong conditions.

When you start a new relationship, just make it clear that until you are both tested and given the all clear, condoms will be used for penetrative sex and oral sex on him, and dental dams will be used for oral sex on you.

Guarantee he will high-tail it to the clinic in that case! If he refuses, he isn't worth it. I see people who are unlucky every day, and it really isn't worth the risk! You are absolutely doing the right thing here by asking. You can go to your local sexual health / GUM clinic for a check up anytime, you don't need a reason. People even go for advice and support before they have ever even had sex!

EirikurNoromaour Mon 03-Feb-14 06:57:02

Monroe, I was speaking generally, not making assumptions smile

mmonroe Mon 03-Feb-14 07:03:27

I know Eirikur wink

Grumpasaurus - thanks for your post, I feel much better about it all now and I agree, any man who is worth spending time with would get checked if it looking like turning into a serious relationship smile if not, he's not worth it.

beachside Mon 03-Feb-14 22:26:50

mmonroe - surely you meant to say,

''any person who is worth spending time with would get checked out,''

Or is it impossible for women to contract infections?

mmonroe Mon 03-Feb-14 22:32:56

Yes beachside, that's probably a better way of putting it. As I was talking about myself though, I meant any man that I was to be with as I had a full STI check when my exH had his affair so I know I'm healthy.

ISaidNoNoNever Mon 03-Feb-14 23:12:45

Oral dams are commonly used by women who have sex with other women fyi.

Everyone needs to practice safe sex, and sex is not limited to penis-in-vagina. Anal, oral and manual sex needs to be safe too.

beachside Sun 09-Feb-14 23:35:51

I'll remember to put my marigolds on before the next hand job then...

LittleBabyPigsus Mon 10-Feb-14 01:29:06

Gloves (latex or non-latex) are not very sexy but they do help prevent infection, particularly if the giver has sharper nails than they should have. People don't realise that there are infection risks with all kinds of sex, not just PIV.

livingzuid Mon 10-Feb-14 07:26:47

Op I don't think you're interested in casual see and when you do make it to that stage with a guy you'll feel comfortable enough to ask the questions around whether he has been tested or not. (normal, sensible) guys are just as concerned over protecting themselves and it's a perfectly normal question to ask. I did with now dh and neither of us would have touched the other if we thought that testing hadn't happened.

I guess it's also whether you trust the response as well? This is where I'm a bit confused do you have to show proof before you get down to it? I trusted dh by then but some men or women may not be so genuine.

If in doubt then always use a condom....

cricketnut77 Mon 10-Feb-14 07:59:53

Seriously if a woman insisted I wear a condom for oral I would be offended and would definitely make me wonder how many cocks she been sucking. I understand for penetration but oral - blimey.

EirikurNoromaour Tue 11-Feb-14 07:30:09

Do you know that you can carry herpes or the warts virus and not know it, and that you can pass it on to a partner orally? Or that you can contract chlamydia in your mouth through oral sex? Being 'offended' is pathetic and it's nothing to do with how many cocks she has sucked (you sexist twat) it's because you could give her an sti you had no idea you had.

I've never used a condom for oral and the thought of using gloves to have sex makes me cringe. But if I asked a partner to use any of the above and they got offended then they would go right off my 'people I want to have sex with' list.

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