Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What are the rules?

(67 Posts)
muchtooshy Thu 30-Jan-14 18:33:49

About how long it is between meeting someone and it getting physical?

I am kinda inexperienced so I have no clue and I don't know what men expect!

neiljames77 Sat 01-Feb-14 11:42:13

Fair enough. I didn't know he was just using his place as a meeting point before going out. You're probably best meeting him somewhere nearby instead though.
How did you finally get together btw? Was it done through your friend?

muchtooshy Sat 01-Feb-14 11:43:25

It was a bit complicated but my friend dropped hints to his brother!!

Logg1e Sat 01-Feb-14 11:47:38

Are you still just "seeing each other" as in, not yet boyfriend and girlfriend? Are you just getting to know each other? I don't see why this stage should include sex.

neiljames77 Sat 01-Feb-14 11:53:24

I think it's nice. It takes me back to, "my mate wants to go out with your mate". smile

muchtooshy Sat 01-Feb-14 11:55:13

Apparently he was v surprised!

I don't know what we are or if there should be an actual conversation about it.

neiljames77 Sat 01-Feb-14 12:08:30

I said that didn't I? What you read as disinterest from him was really him thinking you wouldn't want to know him, being a fair bit older.

muchtooshy Sat 01-Feb-14 12:18:30

He didn't notice the flirting at all just thought I was nice to everyone. Seems more complicated now than before cos when it was just a crush it was all one way.

Pan Sat 01-Feb-14 12:32:25

Jeez. "Don't like the sound of him.." he's obv being too polite? "He's thinking lazy and cheap date for a shag." Really?
but yes 12th the 'keep it public' comments.

iamonthepursuitofhappiness Sat 01-Feb-14 12:34:44

I have skim read this so could have got a few wires crossed but my thoughts are, don't play a dating game, don't worry about 'the rules', all this nonsense is what over complicates things.

If you are getting to know him then you want to see him in lots of situations so you can see the sort of person he is. Arrange dates doing fun things whether it be a walk out somewhere nice, ice skating, cinema, pub with live music, gallery, whatever you like to do. You want him to do things with you that are every day things you like to do.

Once you have established a more intimate friendship between you two, when to kiss him or have sex will be irrelevant as it will just happen.

The thing is, we can only do what we feel is right based on what information we have. If the other person is playing the dating game and takes things further with you before you are ready really then if it doesn't work out you might regret it. If it is something you, however, want to do then no regrets eh? You have been true to yourself and they have jsut proved the type of person that they are.

They only thing to remember is to practice safe sex when the time is right for you!

StupidMistakes Sat 01-Feb-14 12:53:25

The rules are when it feels right for you.

If you want to cuddle, cuddle, if you want to kiss, kiss, but don't do anything because you feel you should because you could later regret it.

It could be 5 dates or 5 months before you feel ready but that's the key ITS WHEN YOU ARE READY.

muchtooshy Sat 01-Feb-14 15:01:10

Dating seems v complicated!! I mean how to you get from seeing someone to being in a relationship?

Really don't think he would pressure me.

Logg1e Sat 01-Feb-14 15:01:53

Don't make being in a relationship your aim?

neiljames77 Sat 01-Feb-14 15:22:29

As others have said, there's no exact rules, no agenda, no timetable. Everybody's different. What suits others might not suit you. You might want to wait before doing things with this man but with another, you might not want to wait. If you're both happy, one thing will follow another naturally. Don't force anything and don't let him force anything either.
Just relax and enjoy eachother's company. You'll be fine.

iamonthepursuitofhappiness Sat 01-Feb-14 22:49:15

You are in a relationship already because all relationships are, are two people communicating and interacting with one another. Having a committed relationship to one another is something which just happens as the relationship evolves.

Just take one day at a time and enjoy what time you spend together. You will soon know if it is more than friendship but always keep in mind that you need to be true to yourself and not compromise too much to be appealing to him, you are you and he should like you for that.

handfulofcottonbuds Mon 03-Feb-14 00:16:23

How did the 2nd date go OP?

muchtooshy Mon 03-Feb-14 16:51:02

It was nice - just went for a drink at the pub. V loud and busy in the pub but we sat in a corner and managed to talk for a few hours. And he kissed me!!!

handfulofcottonbuds Mon 03-Feb-14 17:50:09


So you didn't meet at his place then?

Are you seeing him again?

How's your confidence?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now