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Let's talk about sex baby

(63 Posts)
HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 10:02:57

Apologies but i can't find anywhere else to mention this.

Have been with new man 3 months now, we have sex about ooh 4-5 times a week if we can and it's great.

He's VWE which is great too but the other week I wanted to try spooning which I found amazing but then he wanted the normal deep penetration hard and fast sex. I get the feeling he likes the hard, fast deep sex more...

Our relationship outside the bedroom is great too, we're quite well matched there and both of us say sex between us is the best ever at 42 years old each.

Also we use things to spice it up, the odd bit of dress up, sex toys (just recently started to use those 2) - is that ok so early on?

Any ideas?

Tonandfeather Thu 30-Jan-14 16:15:08

It bemuses me that posters who appear to regard men as natural procrastinators and slatterns - and women as "nags" - often take issue with posters who have a far healthier respect for men and women as individuals.

Also that posters who raise concern about a woman completely trusting someone she's known for only 3 months, who fears she's turned into a sexual plaything to a man who is disproportionately into "wham bam" sex, has never been to his house or met anyone who knows him...are broken victims of problematical men.


HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 15:47:51


I am literally prepared to be in shock re state of the house - will there rodents (not pets) running around etc?!

He's said for example he doesn't cook for himself as he doesn't see point but buys food for his son at weekends which is fine. he does do the odd stir fry but has big lunch or takeaway.

His garden he says is a state - weeds etc. No central heating but he has money saved and wants to install it soon. no shower only bath.

but then he was in a much lower paid job for many years with not much spare cash (his words) for doing up his house.

living - yes I was quite shocked at that too. I think if I asked him once or twice and he said he wasn't cheating that should be enough.

He sees friends, posts pics of what he does with them (which old man pub, war games playing etc) keeps me updated on weekend away (for his friend's 40th), hardly cheater stuff. And he literally tells me what he does and really makes an effort to see me despite living miles away.

I will keep you updated. smile

livingzuid Thu 30-Jan-14 15:32:14

Well naff I don't really get your point but if it makes you happy to nitpick over what is essentially the same thing, whatever. Nor will I understand how a poor guy who says he has an untidy house - which is a perfectly legitimate excuse as my now DH refused to let me set foot over his threshold until he deep cleaned - suddenly turn into a serial philanderer. That's an amazing stretch for the op who came on to discuss something completely different and I don't see how it is helpful given all she has said.

OP antimatter is right. But enjoy yourself that's the main thing smile sex is very important but if you have good communication it all comes together and I certainly didn't read anything odd in your posts. It's natural to feel a little insecure at the start of a relationship too.

Kind of want an update to see how you get on in the next few weeks!

antimatter Thu 30-Jan-14 15:19:27

Don't nag him about the tidying though - tell him you want to see him not his house. just tell him to make sure he has clean sheets and does the washing up before you come.

all depends on the state of his house....
there may be interesting finds there
when my ex was not wanting me to see his house it mean it needed months of tidying, as it wasn't properly cleaned for years

so be prepared grin

HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 15:17:10

Hey thanks LEM and joysmum - my main reason (and there isn't really a Sex board here, should there be?!) is that my relationships in the past I have either:-

a) never talked about sex


b) talked about sex

but in recent years it's been "ignore the sex and everything else and everything else will pan out normally" - and that hasn't happened.

I've also always been told by my mother and her mother (my nana) that sex was very important especially being compatible in that area.

so I go a bit on that. maybe I shouldn't do.

THANKS though.

LEMmingaround Thu 30-Jan-14 15:08:49

So, like the OP said - lets talk about sex..........

OP - just enjoy it! you have been together 12 weeks, you have many more weeks of jumping each others bones at every opportunity before the novelty wears off, make the most of it.

My DP lived with his mum in london, i lived on the kent coast so he only ever came to mine. It took 4 years before i met his mum hmm But he wasn't seeing anyone else and he was fully commited to me, he told me he loved me first (of course).

Joysmum Thu 30-Jan-14 15:07:15

Helloboys try not to let the doubters get to you. This groom is fabulous for emotional and practical support for those going through breakups serious problems because it is full of people who have been through problems themselves and not come through and that colours the types and intensity of the responses you'll get. There are many in comparison who have been through problems and things have worked out so our voices aren't so insistent or common.

You crack on with communicating what you want and why. Enjoy it, it's fun. Don't let your will to please him cloud your judgement and make you think that you have to agree in everything and disagree on nothing.

20 years on for me and there are things I like that my DH doesn't and visa versa but the rest of it is do good it honestly doesn't matter. You can be the same too if you both can be honest from the start.

HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 15:05:48

Naff - ok you and the other naysayers here know his house etc.

I have a friend whom I've never seen inside her flat either, she may have something to hide, be a hoarder IDK.

we wonder about her but we don't think of it as bad.

HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 15:04:34

Naff - I meant he was the first to say it eg not ME in our relationship.

NO it is not the first time a man has said he loves me.

HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 15:03:02

Naff - I will just say to you naff orf yourself.

Of course I'm 42 you idiot.

NaffOrf Thu 30-Jan-14 15:00:58

he was first one to say he loved me

Are you sure you're 42?

NaffOrf Thu 30-Jan-14 15:00:02

Untidy house talk does not automatically equal cheater or player

No one said it did. It's the feeble excuse, not the nonexistent untidiness hmm

LEMmingaround Thu 30-Jan-14 14:57:52

ok ok smile Theres no need to be defensive, i am trying to help.

LEMmingaround Thu 30-Jan-14 14:57:15

Don't nag him about the tidying though - tell him you want to see him not his house. just tell him to make sure he has clean sheets and does the washing up before you come.

HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 14:56:12

I've been seeing him 3 months now. he was first one to say he loved me

LEMmingaround Thu 30-Jan-14 14:56:02

I honestly just think you should see how things develop. If you want to take control in the bedroom - do it, get on top of him, give him a bj etc. I prefer not being in charge myself then i get stuff done to me grin But there is nothing wrong with a bit of assertion in the bedroom.

HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 14:50:29

LEM - the only reason I asked was cos my mum and close friend suggested it. I am not insecure and he hasn't given me reason to doubt him.

I do trust him.

LEMmingaround Thu 30-Jan-14 14:49:29

i mean the thread, not the relationship. how long have you been seeing him?

LEMmingaround Thu 30-Jan-14 14:49:10

Sorry, i didn't mean to upset you - just trying to get a picture of what is going on.

If its just about sex - it all sounds pretty good to me

livingzuid Thu 30-Jan-14 14:48:51

OP if you trust him then that is all that matters. Men can be the biggest procrastinators on earth when it comes to stuff they don't want to do. Took my dh two years to put the doorbell up (I do not do diy).

Untidy house talk does not automatically equal cheater or player confused

Have you visited for the day?

I stand by my original advice. Take the lead more and be more assertive. And don't over think it too much 3 months is still early days smile

LEMmingaround Thu 30-Jan-14 14:48:03

Why have you asked him if he is seeing someone else, i have never asked my DP that in 22 years. Are you insecure or is he giving you reason to doubt him?

HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 14:47:40

he wants me down but he has a 13 year old son and an ex partner.

no it is not just sex.

this will be the end of the convo now

LEMmingaround Thu 30-Jan-14 14:46:45

But the kent coast is lovely, you would think he would want to have you down to go for walks etc? or is it just sex? just sex is fine you know

HelloBoys Thu 30-Jan-14 14:42:40

ok then he's a player from what you say.

All I asked in this thread was how to improve sex life if it was normal etc.

I've now got people telling me he is cheating and is a player.

NaffOrf Thu 30-Jan-14 14:40:10

I get a truth vibe from him

I'm sorry OP, but you must allow me a MWAH-HA-HA at this point.

He sounds like a player.

I'm still not entirely sure what you want from this thread, tbh.

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