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Don't quite know how to move forward with this... wwyd?

(14 Posts)
Tuhlulah Sun 26-Jan-14 21:42:00

I was thinking much along the same lines as Cabrinha. When they got really friendly with your children she was pregnant and probably thinking about the future relationship all of your children would have together. And now she is no longer pregnant, and most likely never will be again, and your children -and maybe you- are all part of that lost lovely past, in which they were expecting a longed for child. It may just have been too painful for them.

Cabrinha Thu 23-Jan-14 22:19:00

You say you don't know why they blanked you...
But their daughter died.
And they will presumably not expect to get pregnant again.
Just because they were able to cope through your daughter's party 9 months later and were "fine" doesn't mean that they were fine.
It's not right to blank you, they should tell you if it's too painful to be around you/your kids.
But I wouldn't rule out that that is part or all of the issue.
Frankly, no way do I think they were fine only 9 months after their daughter's death.

The separation muddies the waters. Has your husband not just asked his brother what's going on?

Quitelikely Thu 23-Jan-14 20:35:21

I think you're right to be peeved. All you can do is get him to one side and ask nicely if there was something you did that upset him or his gf, say you would have liked the chance to at least put things right between yous. If you feel he won't own up to you then whst about approaching the gf and saying the same thing to her?

RRRJ83 Thu 23-Jan-14 20:19:13

When it comes to families people tend to forgive and forget. You're all family now so you should maybe just take the high road and let it go?

They may have had many reasons that they thought it would be ok to behave like that, but whatever the reason for cutting you off its good they are building bridges now. Maybe give them the benefit of the doubt for your own sanity and put it down to their struggle with hard times and loyalty to his brother. But if this, or anything else ever happens again then maybe confront them.

Solo Thu 23-Jan-14 19:58:07

But personally, I'd have to corner and ask him.

Perhaps BIL blames you for the lack of relationship he had with his brother. He may think (wrongly) that you were the instigator of that and that makes you the bad person. I don't know. Families are very difficult at times aren't they?

ProfessorSkullyMental Thu 23-Jan-14 19:53:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProfessorSkullyMental Thu 23-Jan-14 19:52:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Solo Thu 23-Jan-14 19:51:22

If it was me? I'd confront BIL and ask him why it happened. If you don't, you'll find it'll eat away at you.

Sparkletshirt Thu 23-Jan-14 19:42:45

Well I'm so glad I took time out my day to try and help you.

You're welcome.

And how nice that everyone in your world tells the honest truth, all the time.

<Goes and hides thread>

givemeaclue Thu 23-Jan-14 19:41:40

Be friendly and civil but obviously you're never going to be best buddies. Why they blanked you, you may never know. Clearly they went through a horrendous time, perhaps it was to do with that. Don't think asking they why they have behaved as they have will help. Move on but keep a polite distance

ProfessorSkullyMental Thu 23-Jan-14 19:36:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk Thu 23-Jan-14 19:35:45

I would let the past be the past & pretend the snubbing never happened. Being blanked is pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things -- families can do so much worse to each other. Let the past go if he can.

Sparkletshirt Thu 23-Jan-14 19:25:48

Hi Skully, I didn't want to read and run. Unfortunately bil is dh'sfamily and is going to side with him in your relationship. It may be that dh leant on bil for support during your separation and feels angry you hurt his brother. His loyalties are to his family.

ProfessorSkullyMental Thu 23-Jan-14 18:42:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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