I feel like I've wasted 23 years of my life.
Thats how long we've been together. 3 dc aged 2-10.
Husband has m.e/CFS and has become bitter, angry and depressed.
He doesn't do anything with the kids ever. I work fulltime, drop the kids to school and childminders, and pick them up again on the way home. I do everything at home, everything with the kids, just everything.
Dh sleeps all day hence the childminder. Wakes late afternoon to take medication. Stays up all night to admin a website he part owns.
He tells me he loves me and wants a physical relationship but I end up pushing him away as I'm exhausted and pretty much seething with resentment.
I have no social life, we go nowhere together due to his illness and I can't go out on my own becasuse I would never hear the end of it. He is very insecure, very jealous, will sulk and make sarky comments if I'm away from my desk and he can't reach me by phone.
I'm so sad. I don't know what to do. I'm getting more and more angry. Yesterday he couldn't reach me on my mobile on my way home so left me a shitty voicemail ( which he always says isn't shitty and I'm being paranoid ) so when I got home he was in the bath, which meant me doing dinner again. I lost my temper and started kicking the bathroom door. I'm so ashamed.
The kids are so good. They have no expectations from him anymore, they even excuse his shouting outbursts, saying they understand he's ill.
I don't want them to grow up with that though.
He sleeps on the sofa every night till I get up, then transfers to bed once we've all hone to work and school. My 2 year old thinks that's his bed !! I've asked him not to as we can't use the lounge but he blames it on me saying I get too angry if he crawls into bed at 5am.
I have got annoyed in the past as I just wanted him to share the same sleep cycle as the rest of the family but I've given up now. I don't believe thats the reason anyway as he sleeps in the bed if we have sex, it feels like its only worth sleeping next to me if he's getting some.
Were pretty skint as we live on my salary and my tax credits alone and I know not having his own money masked him feel
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Relationships
im so sad..
crikeybill · 22/01/2014 17:08
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