Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

social services are destroying my family

(336 Posts)
justalilmummy Tue 21-Jan-14 23:08:42

Social services have ruined my family and I just dont know what to do anymore, I want to run away from it all
My partner had a mental breakdown 15 months ago, leading up to this there were a few issues (arguments got out of hand abd police were called, 3 times last time 2.5 years ago)
After hes breakdown social services became involved and we were under a child in need plan
The plan said I was to protect my children by not allowing the children to be alone with their father - which I did
Partner after being released from the psychiatric hospital after 8 days was allocated a mental health nurse who he saw regularly
Everything was going great social workers visited as they still had a slight concern about dp state of mind
4 months ago he was discharged completly as they felt he was fine now and he did not have a mental disorder
Things took a bad turn after this as social worker did not agree with the decision
They first tried to convince dp to go to the doctors and get medication to help hes ' depression' even though he does not have it.
Dp did not do this so one day they turned up in the evening and said they are very concerned and he is not to come inside the family home, we were shocked by this but he went and stayed at hes mums, which we again did
6 weeks ago a child protection conference was held and they have put the children on child protection for the 'risk of emotional abuse' as father refuses to accept hes problem and I am downplaying hes mental health issues even though hes mental health worker says he doesnt have any mental disorder!
The conference was held as if he was still in the family home which he is not
Its now got even worse as they have told us that I need therapy to come to terms with the 'domestic abuse' I have suffered and my child needs therapy as well, also dp has to attend a parenting course.
They have made it very difficult for dp to attend any of these meetings as they hold them all in the afternoon even though we have repeatedly told them he can only do mornings coz of hes work
They threatened me this afternoon that as I am reluctant to go to therapy I'm giving het ammunition to take it to court for a care order
I must add there has been absolutely no issue since hes breakdown 15 months ago
This is having an awful effect on my 4 year old ds, he is waking nightly crying for hes daddy, hes begun wetting himself at school and s not eating properly
I just dont know what to do, they say this is coz he is at risk of emotional damage when it's them causing all the upset in this household :-(

asdfghjjkl Tue 25-Oct-16 17:19:28

once social get their teeth into they are like a dog with a bone , they don't seem to be capable of looking forwards without bringing up the past they keep harping on about history , we have involvement in our family i have sgo for my granddaughter and as much as my daughter tries to show she has changed they keep on about the past, and they twist everything you say and then accuse you of not cooperating with them because you don't trust them.
They are the most evil people on the planet if only people really knew what goes on... can i recommend a Facebook page to you justalilmummy...."social service and family court (help and guidance)uk '" their are some great people on there who will give you advice

blueskyinmarch Tue 25-Oct-16 15:56:09


FromTheTree Tue 25-Oct-16 15:51:10

I think its impossible from posts like yours OP to tell what is really going on.

Social services could be overstepping the mark, sometimes they do get involved in families where the kids are really loved and looked after but the parent or parents are temporarily struggling. I know this because I have experience of this, unfortunately. I would never trust a social worker as a result, as they came wading in and were of zero help. However, equally, social workers have to get involved where harm is either being done to children or there is real potential for harm. Just because a parent says their child is fine doesn't mean it is! Some parents are deluded, or even manipulative.

Stay strong and keep going with social services. You are not the only person who has ever had these kinds of issues. Continue to try and do the right thing. Thats all we can ever do.

sharon222 Tue 25-Oct-16 15:11:19

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 28-Feb-16 23:02:14

How old is your dd and why have SS placed her with your ex/her father, Mum2?

I suggest you copy your post (above) and use it to start a new thread on this board.

MummyToo2Kiddies Sun 28-Feb-16 22:47:51

My daughter is at the moment living with her dad but only through social services there is NO COURT ORDER in place. Social services have told my ex that he can stop my contact with my daughter when he likes but i think this isnt right as there has been no court order so surely i still have my 50% rights?
This is killing me because my daughter is my world and i am pregnant with her little brother/sister and i cant spend time with my daughter. Can anyone give me any information about this or if anyone else is going through this too please reply. It will help alot as my mum only has 3 hours every two weeks with my daughter and i only have 3 hours a week and its killing us sad

ThatIsNachoCheese Sun 29-Mar-15 16:39:56

Op, you should have been sent the minutes from the CP Conference which will have the CP Plan in them, have you had This? If not, call and ask for them to send it to you.
if they have a legal planning meeting and it's agreed threshold has been met for legal proceedings then the next step will be a Public Law Outline meeting, once you are invited to this you will be eligible for legal aid and can get legal advice.

MatildaTheCat Sun 29-Mar-15 12:58:31

The important thing to realise about Child Protection Plans is that they are designed to allow a situation to change and improve with very intensive levels of professional support and supervision. If after regular reviews nothing has changed then the CPP isn't working and SS will be under pressure to look at legal alternatives. I some cases this could be care proceedings but if this is fully truthful then it sounds way more likely that they are considering cutting contact with dad altogether. Why they don't seem able to communicate this with you is odd but perhaps protocol until they've consulted their lawyers.

Yor dc have been subject to a CPP for too long. That's why this is happening.

PoisonPension Sun 29-Mar-15 12:04:48

I think they are trying to push you into private family court proceedings. As there has been dv and S's would support you you could go to court to stop contact yourself. The problem is cafcass would have to take the childs wishes and feelings into account. Your child wants more contact.

ChaiseLounger Sun 29-Mar-15 11:59:08

If the child wants more contact why are SS not arranging supervised contact for the dad?

Lucked Sun 29-Mar-15 11:57:01

I think you should put in writing to your social worker and their line manager that you don't understand what is happening and that you think you need advocate to attend your meetings - or at least one!

Quitelikely Sun 29-Mar-15 11:36:50

And your legal planning meeting is your SW talking to the authority legal team to see if the concerns they have meet the legal threshold to start proceedings.

On the basis of what you have said, that your ex and you don't have contact etc they couldn't do it. This is why there must be something else.

Seek legal advice ASAP.

Quitelikely Sun 29-Mar-15 11:32:32

In cases like yours they ask that the father is removed from the home and kept away.

They rely on you to keep him away by having no contact with him and if he turns up at the house send him away or call the police if he refuses.

This is you demonstrating you can protect your children.

Has he been coming to your home?

PoisonPension Sun 29-Mar-15 11:19:22

The problem you have is that your child wants more contact. It's about wishes and feelings of the child along with the child's best interests. It sounds like they want to stop supervised contact and they are in a legal minefield.

tobysmum77 Sun 29-Mar-15 10:53:40

I have rtwt btw....

I think op you are so personally involved in this you are frightened constantly about a worst case scenario that isn't on the cards. You need to stand back, detach and look at the facts:
- Your social worker has consistently told you that you are a good mum.
- You have been told that it is about your exP, not you.
- You have been told that your dc won't be taken from you, the social worker isn't going to tell lies just to butter you up
- This has now been going on for 18 months, your dc are still with you, surely that in itself is reassuring that they want them to stay with you?

Like others have said you need someone else on your side. Personally I would choose a solicitor as I would trust them most to explain stuff, but if you can't afford one/ don't qualify for legal aid then a friend possibly someone older and on the ball will do.

And yes, you are right this won't necessarily resolve until the dc are older. Your ex is an awful father but he has the right to supervised access, that isn't going to change unless I'm misunderstanding what people have said - I'm not an expert! So unless something changes you are going to have to find a way to rub along with it for the next few years, there is no choice.

Joysmum Sun 29-Mar-15 09:59:22

I agree with the others.

I suggest that you have somebody else, maybe your mum, be with you when the SW comes and ask for a clear explaination of what is happening and why and what your responsibilities are.

You're unable to take in or give information at the moment so you need somebody else who is.

This is why my mum has me come with her for all her hospital appointments (she has cancer), so I can take in what is being said and ask the right questions then retell mum when she's in a better frame of mind to understand. flowers

I agree that they are looking to prevent contact if required,but that's only if the ops confusion is honest!

ChaiseLounger Sun 29-Mar-15 09:28:10

I agree.
Your Dh must attending all CPC and all 6 week Group review meetings.

Put everything in email.
Previous letter suggested by poster was fine, I am engaging, please confirm dates of parenting course = throw the ball back into their court, get her to do her job properly.

emotionsecho Sun 29-Mar-15 03:36:29

SS are telling you that if you stop contact then your children's father has the right to take it to court and fight for contact, he could use the fact that SS have not stopped his contact with the children in his favour. SS are telling you to let them do their job.

Speak to your SW on Monday and ask her to explain slowly and clearly what they mean/want and listen carefully to everything they say, ask them to repeat anything you don't understand.

SmillasSenseOfSnow Sun 29-Mar-15 03:20:53

Another one here (me) that reads it thus:

1) you complain to SS that you want to cease your DCs' contact with their father because he's not fit to see them

2) SS tell you you're not allowed to do that

3) SS tell you that they're looking to step things up and seek legal action

Unless there's a lot you're not telling us or failing to understand, I read that as them answering your dilemma about their father with a hint that they're looking to officially (legally) end his contact with the children. Less panicking, more listening to what it is they are actually saying. smile

Jess45761 Sun 29-Mar-15 03:14:03

i hope so, as i have been told time and time again that i cant stop contact.
its just so hard as its me who has been harassed by them ever week for 2 years not him
they say things without really explaining and that makes me go into blind panic, they say legal planning meeting all i hear is they want to take my kids

emotionsecho Sun 29-Mar-15 03:06:04

I read it as they are going to step it up with your children's father, not you. They are possibly advising you to get legal advice to sort out keeping the father away from you and/or the children.

Write a list of questions you need to ask the SW, ask them, note down the answers and if you don't understand what they require from you ask them to explain it again and put it in writing.

I fear you are only hearing certain words or phrases and fixating on them and not hearing what is actually being said.

I understand you want to end the contact between your children and their father but it would be better if you allowed SS to do this which is what I suspect they may be working towards.

So they don't want to remove them but you ask for help because they're wanting to remove them?!?!

I'm out. None of us can help you and you don't even understand the issue yourself. You need to talk to someone who does or can know everything.

Good luck

Jess45761 Sun 29-Mar-15 02:54:57

no they have said they don't want to remove them from me.
they are on child protection plan, and are going to legal planning meeting?
ive asked, they don't explain it to me. the new social worker came over yesterday and even she didn't get why i have been adviced to seek legal advice.

i am just very scared. i love my kids and would give my left arm to keep them from harm, im so stressed out from it all. their dad caused all of this.
the entire child protection plan revolves around what their dad has to do. he will not do it. so i feel stuck, i cant do anything, if he wont comply i feel i can do nothing.

what i am failing to understand is, if he wont help himself, is this going to drag on till he finally does? i would quite happiy cut him out as it is the last thing i can do to ensure he will not harm them

Sorry,but I don't believe it is all about dad,especially if you claim they want to take the children from you.

Did they actually say they want to remove them from you?

You clearly don't understand what is going on,or don't want to say,so talk to your social worker and see a solicitor.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now