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Am I as unwanted as I feel?

(36 Posts)
Thatisall Mon 20-Jan-14 22:33:11

I had an argument with my 'best friend' of 25 years, just over 12 months ago. I say best friend but we'd drifted, we still saw each other just as much but for around 3 years I got the impression that she liked understood me less and less. There are so many details I could give to explain why, but you'd get bored smile

Anyway this person, I'll call her Lou, has a terrible temper. She knows it, worries about it etc. We were like family, but not always in a good way, like in the sense that one way or another, family will always look to forgive and take you back, whatever you do. She spoke to me like shit whenever she was tired, angry, lonely. People, me included would just say "oh but you know Lou, she has a temper" and let her get away with it. She wasn't very loyal either, leaving my wedding early to get laid (despite the fact that she was meant to take my dd home with her after the party and instead I spent the last hour of my reception trying to arrange childcare). But there were good times and I loved her like a sister.

The argument. I'd found out my gran had cancer that day and she snapped at me for calling her when she was having a conversation and interrupting her hmm . I was already emotional and it was the straw that broke the camel's back and I flipped. I told her not to speak to me until she was prepared to speak to me like a human being. That was November. The week before Christmas was spent with me receiving abusive texts from her and her sister and then a call from her mum all saying how UR I was. Actually I was called a cruel manipulative bitch for 'breaking her heart'. The sis hoped that my dd might be taken away so that she didn't turn out like me. Merry Christmas eh? It only ended when I puled out the big guns and said I'd call the police if it continued.

A year has gone by and basically our mutual friends, a very tight knit group are gone from my life and Lou has pretty much become bosom buddies with anyone who has ever fallen out with me...ever. I've just been politely (and it really was, I felt sorry for her) uninvited to a baby shower because Lou says she wont attend if I do. I said I wouldn't go because I'd be leaving earlier than most and I'm sick of being the bad guy.

Nobody seems to care enough about me as a friend or want my company as an individual to risk her wrath and see me.
While I know it says more about them than me, I can't help feeling like if everyone thinks I'm a dick then I must be? DD misses all these adults who have been in her life since she was a baby (now 11) and asks why she doesn't hear from Lou (her godmother) even on birthdays and Christmas.

I feel horrid, like mould.

I don't know what advice anyone can give, I know that I would advise someone in my position, that time will heal the pain and that she should find new, better people and I have. I have some wonderful newer friends who are positive, like minded people, but its not the same. Theres no history with these new friends. I miss the history more than the person/people I think.

I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar? Does this 'happen often' or am I really just a completely bitch that nobody wants anymore?

BillyBanter Tue 21-Jan-14 00:13:43

massive xpost. I read then had a bath and forgot to refresh! grin

Thatisall Tue 21-Jan-14 00:19:54

oldbag. It is! Life is so much more positive. But it's time like today, being uninvited in her account that leave me hurting afresh and any healing that's happened is undone. The mad thing is that I'm told they comfort themselves with the fact that things are calmer without me. Apparently when I started to call her on her temper it caused 'drama' where it didn't need to be. Of course we could've all just gone on being treated like shit? That's an option I suppose, but eventually it just wasn't an option for me.

OldBagWantsNewBag Tue 21-Jan-14 00:41:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thatisall Tue 21-Jan-14 00:51:00

You are all right. Some of the friends I have now are people I knew back then but didn't know well. I would never have got to know them like this if things hadn't changed.

It just still hurts and makes me question myself and my own self worth and I worry about dd. I worry about her hurt feelings and about her opinion of me as she realises that they don't see her because they don't like me sad

I have so much and manage to be positive most of the time, I just have these blips sometimes.

Thatisall Tue 21-Jan-14 00:51:39

Thank you so much for all your words of support thanks

OldBagWantsNewBag Tue 21-Jan-14 01:12:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CouthyMow Tue 21-Jan-14 01:22:56

Been there. It's just so bewildering, isn't it.

Don't want to go into too much detail this late (I'd be here forever!) but the group of friends I had been friends with for over 9 years. I had supported two if them through their extrication from abusive relationships, fleeing to refuges, Childcare for the Court cases, a shoulder to cry on, our DC's had grown up together...

I moved around 4 months after it happened, a long awaited Social Housing move - to the other side of town. I'm now starting to cautiously build up new relationships, trying to trust again (difficult because of the circumstances of the falling out).

Actually much happier without the drama-llamas in my life!

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Tue 21-Jan-14 01:42:10

Lol at having to buy someone a present because they'd had sex grin

In that friends shoes if Lou had stated she wouldn't come if you were, I'd have said 'oh that's a shame, well, we'll miss you' turned and walked away.

Manipulating childish bratty cow.
More fool them for falling for it.

Don't forget to cackle evilly and update us when they all fall out smile

Thatisall Tue 21-Jan-14 10:50:00

Part of me wondered whether she (baby shower friend) was after a bit of gossip about what went on bit it was clear she would rather Lou came. Comments about how crap transport was at that time etc (I don't drive due to ticker problem). I suppose if she hadn't reacted like that then she might've been on the receiving end next.

rylansteeth Tue 21-Jan-14 12:07:54

They all sound as childish and petty as each other, and it sounds as though you are better off without any of them, OP.

Thatisall Tue 21-Jan-14 14:43:28

I don't think less of pregnant friend. It's a horrid situation for 'Lou' to put her in. I'm not going to make it worse by pointing out that she kind of should have stood her ground. My only worry is that this friend will now ask 'Lou' what happened and will get her twisted version of events. I'm left wondering if I should find an opportunity to tell my side. I didn't do that with others and look what happened. But if I do, I'll look like some kind of psycho witch for dredging up grievances from 12 months ago. confused I hate this.

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