Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Mini snub by old school friend- just leave it?

(12 Posts)
Julia56 Mon 20-Jan-14 09:03:57

I've exchanged Xmas cards for years with an old school friend- knew her from being 3! We were best friends up to secondary school, then she married young (19) and I moved 300 miles away.

We didn't really keep in touch partly because I rarely went back to my home town and if I did it was only briefly. I've met her about 3 times over 20 years, during which time she's divorced and got a new partner.

Anyway, last Xmas gone we exchanged cards and she added a note saying she hoped my parents were okay - they used to be good friends with her parents- because she doesn't hear anything about them now ( due to her remaining parent dying a couple of years back.)

I decided to try to resurrect the friendship- wrote a card to her last week and said thanks for asking about them, gave a few details and also gave her my email address saying maybe she could let me have hers and I'd let her know when I was visiting next and maybe we'd meet for a coffee.

Not heard a thing. My email address was a bit scruffily written and I wonder if it wasn't quite legible, but because of my work she could easily google and find me and my contact details online.

Just leave it?

thenicknameiwantedisgone Mon 20-Jan-14 09:06:17

Last week is very recent, I would give it a few weeks before I took any offence to be honest. At this time of year everyone is busy and she may be looking for that half hour spare when she can write a proper reply and just not found the time yet.

Joysmum Mon 20-Jan-14 11:55:27

Did she receive it?

lottieandmia Mon 20-Jan-14 11:57:57

Are you sure she hasn't moved and maybe didn't get it?

Also bear in mind that there are lots of reasons why people become distant. My mum was sad when a friend of hers became distant and then a few months ago she found out the friend had had cancer and had not wanted anyone to know about it. She died without telling many people that she was ill sad

Julia56 Mon 20-Jan-14 13:00:48

Pretty sure she would have received it because same address as sent Xmas cards for years.

I thought long and hard about making the move to contact her because for years I've put a few scribbled lines in the Xmas cards, and once a letter, but never had anything written back on cards from her- until this year. So I thought it was a sign she might be wanting to renew it all a bit.

NigellasDealer Mon 20-Jan-14 13:02:39

is that a 'snub'? maybe she is not well, maybe she is on holiday, maybe she is really busy and keeps meaning to reply but doesn't?

Julia56 Mon 20-Jan-14 13:06:21

I don't know if it's a snub yet- I tend to reply to letters and emails quickly, so as I'd made an effort I suppose I expected a reply by email quite quickly.

She won't be on hols because she works school terms.

I know it's soon so will leave it for a while and if I hear nothing within a few months may send one more note.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 20-Jan-14 13:22:22

I'm not sure it's a snub. If she wants to respond she might think she'll sit down and make time to write more fully. Perhaps she had stuff on this weekend and just didn't find time?

Alternatively it's been your idea to get to know her again, maybe she's mulling it over or simply hasn't leaped to reply because she's in no hurry.

Julia56 Mon 20-Jan-14 13:31:27

I agree.

Our lives have not exactly dovetailed- I have DCs and visits to my parents were always short and busy with DCs. She has no DCs and works full time in a demanding job. She might wonder why I've suddenly made an effort now, but the reason I did was because she wrote some lines on the Xmas card. But maybe she simply doesn't want to meet or anything. It's her choice of course.

Cabrinha Mon 20-Jan-14 13:51:24

Last WEEK?

Way too soon to be talking about snubbing.

Ragwort Mon 20-Jan-14 13:58:08

It's only a week !

I have put some Christmas cards on one side as I want to write a proper reply and get back in touch, but I am doing one a week so just haven't got round to all of them yet, I am sure she will be in touch if she initiated the comments.

OTOH I did meet up with an old school friend four years ago when we moved nearer to her after not seeing her for over 10 years - I thought we had a lovely time (lunch out, took me back to show me her house etc etc) we promised to meet up again, I have sent a change of address and Christmas cards for the last three years - but nothing back sad. I have accepted that she probably just doesn't want to keep in touch.

Julia56 Mon 20-Jan-14 14:44:02

Ok- sorry- I live and work by email and part of my job is to reply quickly! I wasn't expecting a long reply- I just suggested exchanging email addresses and anticipated she'd ping hers over to me then I could let her know when I was going to be in the area.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now