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he lasted longer than i thought

(121 Posts)
wontletmesignin Sun 19-Jan-14 11:10:26

I sent him packing in early november. He was very EA to me and my dc.

I have had NC at all since then. He has tried, but i ignored at all costs.
When i got the non-molestation order, he breached it and ended up being arrested.
Pleaded not guilty and so waiting for trial.

Anyway, since the arrest i havent heard a thing. Peaceful to say the least.

Only yesterday he subscribed to my youtube channel.
I dont really use it. It just popped up in my inbox saying he has subscribed.

Im quite shocked, considering we should be looking at going to trial sometime this month.

He is not allowed to contact me in any way, shape or form.
Which is quite annoying, as technically he hasnt contacted me.

Do you think this is worth mentioning, or should i just leave it. I guess i should expect some form of contact very soon as he couldnt resist the urge to click on 'subscribe' which is just pathetic in my eyes.

Maybe his way of saying "im still here"

So my question is: do i wait for the actual contact, or mention something now to stop it going further.
Which it may actually not. Fingers crossed he just leaves it at that

FlatFacedArmy Sun 19-Jan-14 11:18:03

I'd mention it anyway. It may be actionable or it may not, but it's worth keeping an eye on. It's really up to the judge to decide what constitutes contact under the order and what doesn't, so I wouldn't recommend trying to make that decision yourself.

tribpot Sun 19-Jan-14 11:18:48

Who would you plan to mention it to? Not him, I assume.

I think you should, though. 'Contact' is a complicated term in the internet age. But he's made a conscious decision to follow you online, the purpose of which is to remind you that he's watching you.

FluffyJumper Sun 19-Jan-14 11:22:20

He might not have realised you would be notified?

wontletmesignin Sun 19-Jan-14 11:22:22

It would be the police id have to mention it to.

I just feel like im wasting their time though. But i have been told by them that i must report any contact.

Just confusing as like i say, there is no actual contact here.

But tribpot you are right, it has been a conscious decision to follow me.
Which could possibly (i imagine), be a form of contact.

I didnt really think of it as a follow. With it being youtube.

But if i was on facebook or twitter and noticed he had followed me on that, id contact the police. So really youtube should be no different.

incogKNEEto Sun 19-Jan-14 11:22:56

I would report it as an attempt to contact you/intimidate you. He obviously has difficulty understanding the non-molestation order if he's still doing things like this. He seems to think he can do what he likes but he can't.

Well done on sticking to the NC despite his efforts. Reporting this breach of the non-molestation order will show him that you mean what you say. Maybe he didn't realise the account would email you to let you know, or maybe he did - who knows. However he did, and that was a bad decision on his part as it just provides further evidence of him thinking he is above the law!

wontletmesignin Sun 19-Jan-14 11:23:03

That is quite possible, fluffy

Twinklestein Sun 19-Jan-14 11:23:30

I think it's an indirect form of contact so you should mention it yes.

Dahlen Sun 19-Jan-14 11:26:05

I would take a screen shot of it and mention it to whoever is your point of contact regarding the non-molestation order. A reasonable person in his situation would not have done that and having this on file may help paint a broader picture if he does anything else. Don't expect it to go anywhere at this point, but definitely log it. It may result in a police officer having a quick word with him about where this could go if he doesn't let it go.

My guess is that he is trying to intimidate you right up to the letter of the law, being careful not to cross it (in his eyes), as a pre-emptive strike before court.

Good luck.

piratecat Sun 19-Jan-14 11:28:31

it's contact, mention it.

tribpot Sun 19-Jan-14 11:31:34

Worst case scenario the police are a bit offish with you for reporting something that they don't regard as contact. Whereas failing to report something they do regard as contact could be quite serious, I think. Err on the side of caution - you can be extremely apologetic about it whilst you tell them.

wontletmesignin Sun 19-Jan-14 11:37:00

Yes you are right.

Indimidating before the court case sounds like a possibility.
He could be testing me. Thinking maybe ive backed down now, and will just ignore it.

I know when he tried adding ds3 dad on facebook, the police werent happy about that. So, surely they will see where im coming from letting them know about this.

wontletmesignin Sun 19-Jan-14 11:44:45

Just phoned them. They said it is a public thing and nothing illegal about it. So to just watch what i post (if its something i dont want him to see). Other than that, there is nothing for them to do but theres no harm done by logging it also. So he has logged it.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly Sun 19-Jan-14 11:55:59

I would report it. To me, subscribing to your YouTube is the online equivalent of him standing in the street watching you.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly Sun 19-Jan-14 11:57:07

Why should you have to watch what you post because your ex is a twat? What a rubbish reply from the police.

wontletmesignin Sun 19-Jan-14 12:03:46

I know. But hey ho...

I felt a bit stupid when he said its not illegal.
But then i thought of how texts and phone calls arent also, but they will arrest him over that.

Im not too bothered tbh. I dont use it anyway.

At least this way, i am one step ahead without him being aware. I have logged it, but he will think i have done nothing.
Which may just give him the balls to contact me, thinking ive softened.

In a way, i hope he does.
Might be sly of me...or it might not.

Auriga Sun 19-Jan-14 12:07:56

The desk officer may not have seen the significance of it but the DV team/ people dealing with harassment charge will see it as a breach of the order.

Allergictoironing Sun 19-Jan-14 12:07:58

I'd make sure your solicitor knows about it too. No insult intended towards the police, but unless a specialist in NC orders they may not know exactly what does & doesn't constitute contact. It being a Sunday I've assumed you spoke to whoever was there, rather than a specialist?

wontletmesignin Sun 19-Jan-14 12:14:02

I will let my solicitor know tomorrow.
I spoke to the officer who has been dealing with this from the start, so im guessing he knows what is what with the non-mol.

I think it is down to the fact that he hasnt actually made contact with me

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Jan-14 16:17:46

He sounds really awful, OP. Do you feel in any physical danger?

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Jan-14 16:18:25

He sounds really awful, OP. Do you feel in any physical danger?

wontletmesignin Sun 19-Jan-14 16:25:49

No, imperial.
I think this has probably just been his way of reminding me he exists.

handfulofcottonbuds Sun 19-Jan-14 17:15:02

I wish you all the best for the court case this month. Hope it gives some kind of closure for you.

Cruze Sun 19-Jan-14 17:31:19

OP I would view it as a form of indirect contact. What does the non-mol order state exactly? Does he have bail conditions?

Are you going for a criminal trial? if you are, please continue to read, if you aren't you can ignore everything!!! Please get back in contact with your officer in the case. Even if he hasn't breached the order by following your account it is evidence that he still has an 'interest' in you. Insist on making an additional statement and ask the officer to take a copy of the email notification and exhibit it.

Like you said previously, since the arrest you haven't heard anything from him, it's been peaceful. Without getting the 'following' on YouTube documented he will be able to look good in court. He can put forward a good defence saying the initial breach was a one off incident, I realise I did wrong, getting arrested scared me etc I am totally over her and have no interest in ever contacting her again.

By making a quick 5 line statement and getting the notification of him following you printed off your officer can make it an exhibit for court as the date & details are on it. This can be used to disprove anything he says along the lines of making out that he is now 'reformed' as such!

You need to get it submitted into the case papers through the police, if the Prosecution at your court date decide it isn't important that's fine. I just believe when it comes to a trial it's better to be over prepared rather than wishing you had done something.

The officer could have been busy, he may not have a lot of trial experience, he may not be great at completing case papers. There are a million reasons, I won't slag off officers but in my experience some are more knowledgable when it comes to court preparation than others.

Good luck with it all anyway x

wontletmesignin Sun 19-Jan-14 17:42:13

Thank you everyone!

The non mol contact, not indirect contact.
He also has bail conditons stating the same.

I think the officer is sick of me tbh.

Yes i think it is a criminal trial. I have been introduced to witness protection, so i assume it is criminal?

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