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Still miss the bastard

6 replies

Colinbutterfly · 17/01/2014 22:35

Backstory in a nutshell is a breakup 8 months ago when I discovered him with an OW in a bar. he wasn't a catch - he was abusive and cocklodging, manipulative and so on. I was devastated when it ended though - had a breakdown, was signed off work for a bit, was on ADs. Then a few months followed with counselling, read every book recommended and had to confront just how abusive he was. Felt better initially but then 6 months after, felt so low, the most depressed id been, but have turned a corner.

I've come off my meds - I need to feel sharp like I used to and I definitely think that is right for me. I'm so much happier in so many ways - no one bullying me, might get to payday with a penny instead of having kept him, can see my mates without getting abusive messages. I haven't had an argument in all these months. Life is nice. I'm back to my old self.

But I do miss him, the good times, his body, the sex (when he could be bothered to be selfless). Im sad it's over for good. That I'll never be with him again. See him again or anything. We had been on and off over the five years I knew him, not speaking for months at a time and he always came back. But he really isn't.

My head knows it is great that he isn't coming back, but my heart doesn't feel it, as great as I feel now. My heart misses him. I don't understand.

No need to reply, there's nothing anyone can say, I just needed to vent and live with this.

OP posts:

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MakeMeJumpIntoTheAir · 17/01/2014 22:37

I hear you Colin. It is hard, but it is what it is.

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underthebluemoon · 17/01/2014 22:38

You've made great progress realising how bad he was for you. Well done - feel positive about how you got out of this relationship.
There is someone better out there for you - believe it!

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Leverette · 17/01/2014 22:39

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Finola1step · 17/01/2014 22:46

Right. You are at the danger stage. I have known so many women to go back to a shit relationship 6-9 months after the break up. Then the cycle continues.

Why is it a danger stage? Well, the initial adrenaline has worn off. So has the anger. You find yourself taking stock and missing the good times (no matter how few). But here's the thing... You just need to hold tight.

This phase will pass. You will find renewed strength. Look forward to the beginnings of Spring and all that it brings. Keep looking forward, not back. It's ok to remember the good times but for goodness sake, don't let them crowd out your memories of the bad times because these were in fact the truth.

Look after yourself. Treat yourself a little bit each day to whatever you like (chocs, warm bath, glass of wine, walk in the park - doesn't matter what it is as long as it makes you feel good).

You have come too far to go back. Stay strong. This too will pass.

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foolonthehill · 17/01/2014 23:04

look at you flying butterfly.....there were times when you could hardly type straight...you miss the what could have been, what should have been but now you are rebuilding yourself and the rest of your life is out there waiting for you....you are doing so well.

keep flying
here are some for when you are feeling a bit jaded

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Colinbutterfly · 18/01/2014 17:28

Thank you for the pats on the back, it hasn't been easy but I have dealt with a lot.

I am really looking after myself, indulging myself as much as I can. Going out, seeing my friends, loads of exercise, reading. Anything I want.

I know what you are saying about the danger stage, I'm ok though on that front - he's far away and I won't contact him or anything, and I know he won't contact me again.