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How can I help a good friend in a terrible relationship?

(60 Posts)
TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 19:31:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess Thu 16-Jan-14 19:33:18

Are they married or not?

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 19:35:15

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RandomMess Thu 16-Jan-14 19:39:20

She needs to do it step by step. Sorting out finances/house sales can wait, it doesn't matter whose name they are in because they are married.

She should up a new bank account in her sole name and get her salary paid into that.
Start divorce proceedings against him.
Or if she can save enough money move into rented accommodation -even if it's a studio flat with her dc. Or does she have friends she could stay with?

JeanSeberg Thu 16-Jan-14 19:44:53

First step - get her to make a free half-hour appointment with a divorce solicitor and offer to go with her. She may feel in a stronger position when she knows her rights.

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 19:47:52

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JeanSeberg Thu 16-Jan-14 19:49:34

Even more reason to get legal advice.

RandomMess Thu 16-Jan-14 19:51:35

If he can't pay bills that is his problem.

I would consider sorting out childcare and then going to womans aid tbh.

Shared care/residency is the starting point, there is no reason to think she wouldn't get 7 nights out of 14.

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 19:52:11

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TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 19:55:53

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TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 19:58:30

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JeanSeberg Thu 16-Jan-14 19:59:39

How much does your friend really want to leave?

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 20:06:48

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TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 20:09:28

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JeanSeberg Thu 16-Jan-14 20:14:58

Sadly until she makes the decision, all you can do is listen and support and keep suggesting things.

Can you have her and her child round for the evening at least once a week plus do something together one day at the weekend?

She is very lucky to have a friend like you.

tinyturtletim Thu 16-Jan-14 20:15:41

I don't think you can help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

it doesn't sound like she has reached rock bottom yet.

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 20:18:06

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JeanSeberg Thu 16-Jan-14 20:19:49

Do you have children too? Could you have the child over for a sleepover to give him/her a break?

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 20:21:44

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TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 16-Jan-14 20:25:20

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JeanSeberg Thu 16-Jan-14 20:25:22

The fact she chooses to stay is her choice, the DC has no say so I would keep up with the sleepovers. Bit worrying that she'd rather have the child in that atmosphere for her own benefit.

Any chance of a weekend away for the 3 of you? Get her on her own for a decent length of time?

JeanSeberg Thu 16-Jan-14 20:26:12

Could you show her some threads on here?

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Sun 26-Jan-14 21:07:27

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Cabrinha Sun 26-Jan-14 21:23:05

Poor woman sad
How the hell as she not got a key to her own bloody home?
I'm glad it sounds like she's closer to leaving him.
She needs to get to a solicitor to unravel this mess.
How old are her children? If they don't want to be with their father, they may be getting to an age where their wishes are taken into consideration?
He sounds like a lazy wanker who may on paper have the kids 7/14, but be happy enough to just have that in name only for his ego whilst letting them stay with her more.

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Sun 26-Jan-14 21:24:58

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