We rely on advertising to keep the lights on.

Please consider adding us to your whitelist.



Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Too much of an age gap?

(133 Posts)
fluffyduckie Thu 16-Jan-14 19:04:17

So it isn't really an issue as it is just a crush but do you think a 20ish year age gap is too much?

purplebaubles Thu 30-Jan-14 14:12:29

DH is 14 yrs younger than me. We have two children. Blissfully happy.

TBH, in my situation, I would find it odd being married to someone 20 yrs older, as that's my parent's age! (so would feel creepy to me)

But I fully accept that some 40yrs olds would find my situation creepy!

Each to their own I say. We were both at the same life stage when we got got together (and I had no 'baggage' which helped enormously, we're doing things together for the first time)

I think it does help though that DH looks old for his age (early 30's), I look young (early 30's) so we do not look odd together iykwim. Most ppl are totally unaware that there is such an age gap. Although I do have a number of friends who are married to much older men, and then yes, the age gap is noticeable! (e g friend's husband is 60, his son is older than my husband!!!)

Takingbackmonday Thu 30-Jan-14 14:01:31

Shite - The formula says I'm too young! Should I leave grin ?

Tydna Wed 22-Jan-14 11:54:11

My mums best friend married a man 20 years older than herself. My mum said it was all wonderfully glamorous when he wooed her in the 1970s.
He had a flash sports car and a luxuriant moustache. Apparently she was the envy of all her friends. My mum doesn't think they would be quite so envious these days as she is more his carer than his wife.
It's one of my mums repertoire of "warning stories" that she tells to my teenage dds.

fluffyduckie Wed 22-Jan-14 07:07:07

Will update!

Hope I bump into him today while I am feeling brave! grin

Although I hope that 1) he can tell I am flirting and 2) that I can tell if he is interested.

YankeeMum8 Tue 21-Jan-14 23:14:20

Not necessarily. I have family members where female spouse is in her 80's and male spouse is in his 60's. He takes very good care of her...only downfall is sex. He needs it, she doesn't or can't (medical issues). But when he was 30 and she was 50 it was no problem whatsoever. They have been married 35 years. I must say though one does end playing nursemaid, though that can happen at any age. If they really love each other it can be worked through.

MaeveWest Tue 21-Jan-14 22:07:49

yeh I'm not sure I understand what a shrug followed by a forward roll is. confused A demonstration would have been nice.

My eyes will be out on sticks tomorrow.

JoyceDivision Tue 21-Jan-14 22:04:34

ooh, please comeback and let us know if your friend speaks to him and tell us how it goes!

Dh is 14 year older than me, he looked young for his age when we met, after marrying me he has aged rapidly grin

He is calm, intelligent, considerate, humourous... I would like to say all I havegoing for me is my trophy wife good looks but since I look like a scruff I don't even have that... there were differences wghen we met and there are now, but a lot of friends have said despite those we've aleays seemed well matched..

neiljames77 Tue 21-Jan-14 22:04:22

That man you describe Maeve sounds like he's break dancing. What does it mean if he does a moonwalk?

MaeveWest Tue 21-Jan-14 21:55:59

Just reading some articles on line!

if a man does a shoulder shrug and then rolls his shoulders forward and puts his head to one side while he smiles at you, chances are he likes you.

hmm, I don't think the man in my office is interested, but I think the man in the sandwich shop might like me confused

If 99 men knocked me back I'd be so depressed... I'd need therapy, not romance!

neiljames77 Tue 21-Jan-14 21:39:22

Some blokes are scared of rejection. One of my mates doesn't care at all. I asked him if he made a move on 100 women and 99 turned him down but number 100 said yes, would he consider it a good night? He said he would. I said after the 2nd knockback, I'd go home a broken man.

nickymanchester Tue 21-Jan-14 21:10:35


are there any women out there who just put it on the line like that, spell it out, I like you do you like me

I know that it sounds just like being in school but, as I said several pages back, get a friend to say it for you.

nickymanchester Tue 21-Jan-14 21:08:22

I would really rather not be the one who asks ......

But getting your friend to let him know that you're definitely interested isn't actually asking.

You're just letting him know that if he were to ask then you would say definitely yes.

I think you'll find that a lot of men are just as nervous of rejection as we are.

MaeveWest Tue 21-Jan-14 21:05:15

just read the bit about biting the nail on my little finger, omg, I'd be talk of the office if I did that, not in a good way, I'd have to ring in sick, with a case of shame, and psychiatric evaluation.

Fluffy, are there any women out there who just put it on the line like that, spell it out, I like you do you like me smile and then afterwards, shrug off the humiliation?! who are these people?

nickymanchester Tue 21-Jan-14 21:04:25

I think men can tell if you like them or not. Can't they? confused

Generally not. At least from my experience and that of my friends.

A lot of men, I've found, unless you are really blatantly obvious are generally not that switched on to any sort of signals.

Of course there are also plenty of men that also miss any obvious ''I'm not interested'' signals and try to chat you up even when you think that you're making it clear that you're not interested.

MaeveWest Tue 21-Jan-14 20:57:36

ha ha, they might send me on a manual handling course!

neiljames77 Tue 21-Jan-14 20:10:54

You'll never know unless you at least make an effort Duckie

Maeve, I know it's against everything health and safety tell us but when you pick the stapler up, don't bend your knees. It'd also help if you looked back over your shoulder and gave him a cheeky grin. You could even bite the nail on your little finger at the same time if you really want to go for it.

fluffyduckie Tue 21-Jan-14 19:24:13

grin Yep! If I actually dared to ask him out and he looked horrified and said no ..... well I think I would have to consider becoming a nun. or at least changing my shopping habits

Maybe him not chasing is just a sign that he isn't interested in me. I mean if he was attracted to me wouldn't he say something or at least hint at it .... it isn't as though I am scary!

MaeveWest Tue 21-Jan-14 19:18:57

Yeh two people who dont chase equals no pasa nada .
Im going to have to be a bit more proactive myaelf in the future. The thing is some people can shrug off being blown off. Id have to emigrate.

fluffyduckie Tue 21-Jan-14 19:12:26

I am going to mention it to my friend when she is back from holiday. She isn't really approving though as she thinks he is kind of boring!

Oh I would really prefer not to do the chasing at all! But I think that with him being older and quiet nothing would happen. I would really rather not be the one who asks ......

MaeveWest Tue 21-Jan-14 18:57:34

Im going to knock a stapler off my desk tomorrow

MaeveWest Tue 21-Jan-14 18:56:30

He's just not that in to you. That's the book. A lit of it made sense but it was all a bit passive from a woman sitting around waiting for something to happen's perspective

MaeveWest Tue 21-Jan-14 18:55:10

Thats why that book by greg somebody (american) is a load of manure. He reckons in his infinite wisdom that women can never do the chasing. And not even chasing so much as just...... making it clear that they like the man. He seems to expect women to wait to b chosen pretty much. Well that has not worked for me 0_o
I have noticed somebody at work too. I almost go out of my way not to flirt if i like somebody tho. I wish there was a way to test somebody, like ask them a favour..... not foolproof though as some people cant sau no and like to b liked

neiljames77 Tue 21-Jan-14 17:15:54

Can't your friend just say to him, "what do you think of fluffyduckie?"
If the feedback is good, then she can say, "she'd really like to go out for a drink with you".(then next time he comes in the shop, drop a pencil on the floor smile )

fluffyduckie Tue 21-Jan-14 16:55:05

We don't work together - he is my friend's boss. I don't think I have any cheek!

I don't know how he hasn't guessed as I blush and get so nervous when I talk to him. Always seem to say something daft and make a fool of myself! Surprised he hasn't picked up on it unless he has and just isn't interested.

neiljames77 Tue 21-Jan-14 15:43:05

MaeveWest - you'd be surprised at how many men have no idea and have to have it spelt out. I'm the worst offender. Totally clueless.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now