Mine has cost me about £12k so far (also divorcing a nightmare ex) and I've had to finance it by getting a divorce loan against an investment flat I've got. We've got a way to go yet, it's grim! So hoping we can reach a settlement...
handfulofcottonbuds - be aware re. costs that the adultery might mean you have a very slight sway in terms of getting costs awarded by a Judge, but since costs often run into the thousands it is rare to be awarded costs in family matters. The other party needs to demonstrate that they have behaved badly in litigation terms, thereby running up your own costs unnecessarily - eg. by not disclosing properly, by not engaging with the process, etc. It's a bit confusing because on the petition there is a section which asks whether you will be applying for the other person to pay costs and this (I think) refers to the cost of lodging the application. In most cases the other party's solicitor will advise them to say that they accept the petition but do not accept costs - knowing it will be fought over at a later point. As an example, I have just run up in excess of £1000 costs because my ex refuses to do his full financial disclosure. It is now so serious that he has received a penal notice and will possibly go to prison if he does not complete it by a set date. In this instance I have been told it is highly likely we will be awarded costs because his behaviour is so clearly costing me money unnecessarily.
Oh to divorce a normal man!!! We tried mediation, but it was a joke. You HAVE to have two reasonable people sat at the table.