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Passive aggressive?

(58 Posts)
lovemenot Thu 09-Jan-14 18:14:03

Marriage is over.

Last time I tried to have this conversation with him, I was told I was a selfish bitch for ruining dd's life just to get what I want. (I get called a fucking bitch every argument, it's never his fault, only mine etc etc).

I tried again today:

Me to him...

Me: We need to talk soon, let me know when it suits you.
Him: Talk at me, you mean.
Me: WE need to talk, to sort out how to deal with all this.
Him: Well you have your plan so go ahead. (slightly threatening tone)
Me: Fine. I'll email you. Whether you engage or not is up to you.

End of conversation. Grrrrrrrr!

lovemenot Sat 25-Jan-14 21:50:32

Yep, both his companies are limited companies. So it's bullshit. But then, you must remember that he thinks I'm stupid!

I remember last year watching the results of the US elections, a process which is quite complicated for everyone, not just me the stupid person. I've a reasonably good grasp on the process but I did ask a question on one aspect of it.....his reply "oh if "insert name" was here I'd be able to get into a deep discussion about it, but seeing as he is not and you are........"insert some version of a patronizing explanation"!!

Allergictoironing Sat 25-Jan-14 23:07:44

If he genuinely thinks you are thick, that could actually be to your advantage now as he will underestimate you wink.

Make sure you keep all those emails he sends you, any texts, and keep a diary of all the bullshit he tries to give you. All just more proof that he is financially abusive as well as emotionally abusive.

lovemenot Tue 18-Mar-14 22:32:57

Just thought I'd update this thread.

A few weeks after I last posted I moved back into the main bedroom and told him I would not be sharing the ensuite. So now, he lives downstairs and just sleeps in the box room, and I spend most of my time in my bedroom when I'm at home.

I sent a letter from my solicitor outlining various proposals to end this marriage....options to sell house, or he moves out till dd is finished her education etc.

His reply arrived at my solicitors today and he has rejected all my proposals, says he has no money, and "proposes that the parties reconstitute a courteous working relationship and continue to share the home" and he is "quite happy to enter into discussions with a view to achieving this objective in an amicable manner".


Handywoman Tue 18-Mar-14 22:40:51


What does your solicitor say?

DustBunnyFarmer Wed 19-Mar-14 12:54:40

Hmmm. Any chance he's planning on stalling til DD turns 18 so you have less chance of staying in the house?

lovemenot Wed 19-Mar-14 13:18:27

Yep, I reckon he is stalling alright. Will talk to my solicitor this afternoon.

I know money is tight, but the house is not in negative equity. He is refusing to consider selling the house. Instead, he wants me to continue to live my life here for the next 3+ years despite the fact that he has not spoken one word to me for months. Maybe he thinks he is being magnanimous in "allowing" me to live here. He is not offering to fight for our marriage, or for me. In fact, he will subject dd to this highly dysfunctional relationship (while still saying that her needs are paramount), just so's he doesn't have to sell the house.

Oh god, my head hurts. I cannot relate to how he thinks, I cannot accept this offer of a "courteous working relationship"'s bullshit, isn't it? Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable to reject this "offer".

hellsbellsmelons Wed 19-Mar-14 13:30:20

Of course you're not.
Have a chat with your solicitor and see what your next move could be.
It must be hell living like that.
I really hope you can something out soon.

newlifeforme Wed 19-Mar-14 14:01:43

Oh I really feel for you.I'm in a similar position, married to a PA who is a 'victim' and blames me.You don't have to accept his offer, you want the marriage to end and his behaviour is highlighting how unreasonable he is.

You solicitor will be able to help you so stay strong and trust you will get free.

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