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Er.. Him "Going South"

(247 Posts)
Angstriddenmum Sun 05-Jan-14 01:21:51

Slightly embarrassing but I really feel like I need to find what other people think. My DH is really into - how can I put it - heading to the tropics. Our drives have always been a bit mismatched (guess which way smile) but he wants to do this to me all the time. I love him dearly but it's getting a bit tiresome (the asking, I mean). We seem to have reached a sort of compromise - perhaps every 2 or 3 days - but it never seems to be enough for him, which annoys me. There's lots that I want to get off my chest, TBH. When he does the deed, he keeps telling me how beautiful I am and how lovely I taste (I just think ewwww - keep it to yourself). He is also not asking for any, er, reciprocation (which I am usually quite happy to provide). He just says that he loves making me feel good. I say that I am not in the mood and always thinking about other things (a few family and work probs at the moment). He says that he loves making me stop thinking about things, even for a few seconds. I say that it's just a few seconds of pleasure but then it's back to normal. He says that you could say that about chocolate!

Reading this back I can see that I have really needed to formulate these ideas into a post and this has helped. I still have more to say so I'll follow up.


BitOfFunWithSanta Sun 05-Jan-14 01:24:09

How do you think mumsnet can help? Welcome to the site.

MirandaWest Sun 05-Jan-14 01:26:07

You could try using slightly less twee language in what you're saying.

Angstriddenmum Sun 05-Jan-14 01:26:46

TBH I don't know. It's really helped just being forced to think about it in creating the post. Also, I would like to know if others have the same (not necessarily exactly the same!) tensions in their relationships. Is it inappropriate to post?

Angstriddenmum Sun 05-Jan-14 01:28:31

Sorry, Miranda. Quite new to this. I'm a bit old-fashioned and would never speak to friends about this - I don't find it easy to be explicit when it comes to sex.

McFox Sun 05-Jan-14 01:30:40

There's no problem with you posting it at all. My DH is exactly the same and I count myself very, very lucky! I just don't really understand what the issue is - do you just not enjoy it?

BitOfFunWithSanta Sun 05-Jan-14 01:31:07

I don't understand what you are asking, tbh.

Kleptronic Sun 05-Jan-14 01:31:55

No it's not inappropriate to post. You say it how you like, it's just that people are used to more direct terminology round here.

I have issues with this kind of thing, but that's a whole bag of spanners for another thread, so I'll just say I probably get you, but I'm not much help. Sorry.

Someone better will be along in the morning if you bump the thread, I expect.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 05-Jan-14 01:33:14

I think I have finally spotted a stealth boast thread !

< punches air >

Angstriddenmum Sun 05-Jan-14 01:36:50

Thanks, McFox. No, I do enjoy it and DH seems to be very good at it since I always finish quickly (I know this is hard to believe but he usually gives me a book to read so that my mind is elsewhere to make it last longer - I find this very odd and can't believe that anyone else does this). I just don't feel like I want it. I've never had a particularly high sex drive. Afterwards, I don't feel especially better or more relaxed or closer to DH or anything. In contrast, he is all over me and keeps cuddling and stroking me; he is always very gentle and giving afterwards too - it's a good time to ask for something! He says he loves the intimacy and says it makes him feel incredibly close to me. I say that I feel incredibly close to him all the time. Is this making any sense?

BitOfFunWithSanta Sun 05-Jan-14 01:38:33


There's your medal.

NorthernLurker Sun 05-Jan-14 01:40:48

It's not inappropriate to post about your relationship worries. I think it is inappropriate to ask others to share details of their sex lives as your first post on a site - which is what you seemed to be doing. Not keen on that at all thanks.

ArtexMonkey Sun 05-Jan-14 01:45:43

Going south?

Sometimes my dh has to go to Reading for work.

Is this the sort of anecdote you want? Shall I say what I'm wearing?

BitOfFunWithSanta Sun 05-Jan-14 01:49:00


McFox Sun 05-Jan-14 01:49:11

NorthernLurker, the OP asked for the opinions of others, not details. If you don't like it, don't feel compelled to hang around on the thread ffs!

OP, the book thing is very odd IMO but other than it being clear that you need to discuss your incompatible sex drives, I'm not sure what to say, sorry.

NorthernLurker Sun 05-Jan-14 01:49:23

Mine has to go to Maidenhead frequently Artex. Arf, arf.

MirandaWest Sun 05-Jan-14 01:49:30

So you do enjoy it - I had presumed you didn't. I also don't quite understand what you're asking, other than for other people to talk about their sex life.

Angstriddenmum Sun 05-Jan-14 01:49:40

NorthernLurker. Thanks - I'm really not asking people to share in that way - sorry if that's how it came across. Look. DH & I are clearly very different in many ways (quite similar in many other, less sensitive areas). I am sure that this is quite common. What I guess I am really after is more of an understanding (and, as I said, the simple process of creating the post has really helped) of where he is coming from. I am sure that similar tensions exist in most relationships but I can't get this from friends because I simply do not talk to them about sex - perhaps that's unhealthy but that's the way I am. So what do I want? I guess:

1 General getting it off my chest. Already helped somewhat.

2 Some insight into understanding it more from DH's point of view. Already helped somewhat.

3 Some reassurance that this type of issue (ie not explicit; differences in desire and expectation need not be specific) is not unusual.

4 Some advice on how to deal with it, especially given that I am not particularly comfortable talking to DH explicitly about it.

BitOfFunWithSanta Sun 05-Jan-14 01:51:16

I've been invited to Brighton, but I'm not going there.

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 05-Jan-14 01:52:32

The other day I was reading about a bloke who ripped his foreskin zipping it into his trousers. Can you imagine? Ouch.

I mean, just think about it for a moment. sad

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 05-Jan-14 01:52:38

Darn, wrong thread.

ArtexMonkey Sun 05-Jan-14 01:52:53

He doesn't go every 2 or 3 days though. A couple of times a year I guess. Although he can be down there literally all week. But he gets to finish early on the Friday.

Angstriddenmum Sun 05-Jan-14 01:53:57

Gosh. Some really aggressive replies. And some really quite confusing ones as well. Have I done the wrong thing asking for help/advice?

BTW - not my first thread.

Sounds like heaven to me!!!! You could always rent him out reaches for purse blush

NorthernLurker Sun 05-Jan-14 01:54:09

There is only one way to fix sex in a relationship. That is to talk to the person you're having sex with. Involving others won't help - in any sense. In some cases this means you end up talking to yourself. So be it.

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