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Today I was told that I'm a freak

(56 Posts)
SoAmIWeirdOrAmINot Sat 04-Jan-14 23:30:58

Name Change! (no idea why I feel like to mention it, but it just kinda makes me feel more legit facepalm

Anyway, this morning I was out and about and met a group of women that I used to talk to in my playgroup frequenting days (there's 3 of them). Whilst our dc's were busy playing and generally trying to kill themselves at the playground, we were chatting about different things, and the chat kinda steered to relationships/ husbands/ other half annoyances and so on. I was asked a question about how long I've been with my partner with and I just said, without much thinking that I've never been in a relationship so there's no partner. And it's true, I have been single my whole life- all 28 years of it. I have had 3 one night stands in my early 20's but that's about it. I have never felt like I need to be with someone, share my day-to-day life with them, etc. Even at school never once did I feel like I should be with someone.

The way that the women reacted and things that they said made me feel like an alien of some kind. One actually called me a freak. So, my question is- am I? Surely it's perfectly normal to be single and happy and not want to be with someone? Or are they right?

willybreeder Sun 05-Jan-14 23:41:05

Aw no, horrible! That kind of incident has happened to me too when Ive been single

hookedonchoc Sun 05-Jan-14 23:38:41

Blu: The dreary paucity of mind of those who find something less usual or not a carbon copy of their own lives to be 'freakish'.

Very well said, Blu. Don't worry OP it is just the herd mentality. I'm surprised they didn't link hands and chant "Join us, join us".

Lizzabadger Sun 05-Jan-14 23:22:18

Yuck - how horrible for you. Did you tell your friend?

SoAmIWeirdOrAmINot Sun 05-Jan-14 22:07:28

I am so glad to hear that there are so many of my Forever Alone club members! Not because it makes me feel validated or anything, but just to know that there are other people like me, who love their life as it is and do not feel the need to conform. We should do some high tea some day!

Someone up thread mentioned some women feeling threatened that I will steal their husbands and it reminded me of this friend I used to have. We are the same age and she is married to someone who's 28 years her senior. A few years ago they had their first DC and I used to stay with them for about a week a few times a year to help out with the child, especially in the first few months. Once her husband found out that I had never been in a relationship he became almost obsessed with getting me into his bed. At first it was just some banter, "accidental" brushes of my bum/ legs/ an occasional naughty text sent to me "by accident". I brushed it off at first, then started saying loudly whenever he touched me "Oh, sorry, didn't mean to be in your way" etc., until there was one night, about 1 year into my visits to them, when were watching a film, all of us in the lounge. My friend and the baby were on one sofa breastfeeding/ nodding off, me and her husband on the other one (a massive 4-seater, me at one end him on the other). At one point I realised that he was sitting more or less right next to me- ok, fine, it's easier to see the TV from there- but then he started stroking me, my back, back of my neck, mi thigh and foot, whispering that he really wants me (ugh, I still get the creeps today just thinking about it). I have to admit that I just froze and did nothing. I was terrified as to WTAF was going on and was this for real? I went to bed that night really scared that he might creep into my room in the night. That was my last night there. Me and my friend had met up for a couple of lunches since, but eventually, unfortunately, that friendship came to an end.

Preciousbane Sun 05-Jan-14 15:47:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spindlyspindler Sun 05-Jan-14 15:43:14

I was very single and very happy when I met my current OH. I had been for most of my adult life (I was 32 when we met). I have always felt that being single is a positive alternative and very much my preferred option to a relationship that didn't live up to what I wanted. I had been thinking of adopting as a sole parent when I met him. If it ends with him for whatever reason I will be very happy to keep being single (preferably with pockets full of string, pony nuts, dog biscuits and a trail of reasonably well adjusted adoptees behind me) unless someone I really can't say no to comes along.

I hate that being single is always portrayed as a crap default mode rather than a positive choice and I stick two fingers up at those horrible crabby mums. "Freak" indeed.

maparole Sun 05-Jan-14 15:17:44

I say big respect to you for being so self-aware.

I have come to realise (at 49) that I really don't like sharing my space with A.N.Other and I never should have gone along with any of the three serious relationships I have had in my life. I've always been perfectly happy single, but I let myself pretend that hitched would be better. I wish I had had your strength of character when younger.

I wonder if these women are actually happy in their marriages?

I've had to deal with these types before.
ignore them be proud of who you are
they are just stuck up and obviously haven't been taught how to understand and connect with people with different backgrounds. xx

Lizzabadger Sun 05-Jan-14 14:54:04

They are rude and it's their issue. Let it wash over you. I am 45 and have no desire to be in a long-term relationship and I know plenty of people who are the same.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 05-Jan-14 14:41:36

Well I'm going to turn 50 this year and I have never been married or lived with a partner. My DS' father and I are on very good terms (we had dated years ago and were very occasionally FWB which is how DS happened, unexpectedly). I've had relationships, but not for at least 10 years and never found them very satisfactory - again, what used to put me off was the idea of being someone's property and/or always taking second place.

Mind you, I live in a big city, always have done, and have always had lots of mostly 'unconventional' friends. Some people are still freaked out by me but I regard it as their problem and not mine.

brusslesprout Sun 05-Jan-14 10:34:17

I don't think you're strange at all. Most of my friends are in their late 20's and single, I would say it's pretty normal. Also live in London btw!

HedgehogsRevenge Sun 05-Jan-14 09:40:19

Another 'freak' here! Honestly i think people who make comments like this to women who are single by choice are just threatened. They simply can't understand why we don't share their 'need' for validation from a man. Quite frankly that's their problem, not yours.

MasterP0 Sun 05-Jan-14 09:38:33

OP, oh the joys of freeing yourself from the shackles of needing/wanting a man/relationship, etc etc etc, In a weird twisted way I actually envy you! If it works for YOU, stuff them All!

lekkerslaap Sun 05-Jan-14 08:56:26

You're quite unusual but you're not a freak and those women were very rude to say so.

Just give them a wide berth. Much nicer to have friends who accept and support you.

Lweji Sun 05-Jan-14 08:51:34

Oh, and now the same as wally.
42, did relationship after ex, finished it off, and can't seem to picture being in a relationship ATM. No desire for more children. I think it would have to be a very special person.

saintmerryweather Sun 05-Jan-14 08:47:47

I was in a relationship for 14 montgs and broke up with him a couple of years ago. Since then ive not really been motivated to go and find someone new I cant be bothered with the hassle so I know how you feel!

Blu Sun 05-Jan-14 08:47:30

The dreary paucity of mind of those who find something less usual or not a carbon copy of their own lives to be 'freakish'.

Lweji Sun 05-Jan-14 08:46:30

28 is still young, though. I had never been in a relationship until now exH at 25.
Apart from DS, it would probably have been best to have remained single. Oh well.

Some people are quite happy by themselves and feel no need for a relationship. As some don't want children. Others don't like pets. All perfectly fine.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 05-Jan-14 08:38:35

By 'our toddler groups' I mean the ones I visit with dd...not talking for whole of London!! smile

mammadiggingdeep Sun 05-Jan-14 08:37:52

Not a freak at all.

Do you live in a city?? Just asking because I live in London and I really don't think you'd have got that reaction. In our toddler groups there's a wide spectrum of mums (and dads) and a range of relationship backgrounds. I think being a bit different from the norm is usually more accepted in cities...of maybe that's just London?

Meerka Sun 05-Jan-14 08:32:06

I was voluntarily single for many years and my god, many people really have a problem with it. Some women act like you're out to get their husbands (oh pleeeeease, ffs, I wasn't that desperate. I wasn't desperate at all; I didn't want a man at -that- point) and god, the men were like ... well the first phrase that came to mind was like flies over shit, but maybe another simile would be nicer! like .... oh I don't know, like children over mincepies. It was beyond annoying. Had to develop a new way of relating to men, a kind of standoffishness, to stop it happening.

Some people - a lot of people - really can't cope if you don't fit neatly into their box.

niceupthedance Sun 05-Jan-14 08:15:41

Just wanted to add that if you have a non-traditional way of life sometimes it can make you hyper sensitive to others' reactions. I have a child who wasn't conceived in a relationship and depending on my state of mind, the comments either roll off my back or stick in my craw. As long as you are happy with your situation, fuck everyone else's opinions.

Thank you for this thread btw,it makes me feel much better!

I'm about to turn 32 and I never feel compelled to date or be in a relationship.I was with my sons dad for many years,on and off,and had a couple of other short ones but they were ones that just happened.

I would never look!

So,I don't think you're weird at all.although,I know people may make you feel it as some people just cannot believe that I have no desire to go looking for someone and it's just not on my to do list!

There is a guy who I am besotted with but,hey ho!There's also a guy I met years ago and who is a friend of a friend that has started talking to me (I do like him to be fair) and has asked me to the cinema etc but I am not entirely sure - I like him but I have no desire for dating,but I know I also wouldn't mind some.... lol

BrianTheMole Sun 05-Jan-14 02:05:35

Of course you're not a freak. The person calling you that is a freaking twat though!

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