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H won't go- stepped up the manipulation another level

(151 Posts)
PPaka Sat 04-Jan-14 11:01:59

Beginning of Nov I told him to leave, he said he won't go, said we can fix things
He's a liar, cheat. Whores, strippers, fwb.
I cannot forgive or forget what he's done.
He was supposed to have found somewhere by now, I've been at my parents
He has threatened suicide
On Wed, he text me to tell me he thought he was having a heart attack, I was 5 hours away
The hospital is 10 minutes
He went to work yesterday, wouldn't go to hospital last night
Supposedly taking himself now
But all huffy and big sighs, presumably because I'm showing no emotion, didnt even go up the stairs

He's a liar, the things he's lied about before are shocking.
I have to keep telling myself it's just another controlling manipulative method
But it's so hard

Can you help me through this

Joules68 Sat 04-Jan-14 11:12:40

Who owns the house?

Dc involved? Might be better for you to go instead. I had to when my ex threatened suicide. He also upped it. Started making half hearted attempts. I had to leave and change my number.

colditz Sat 04-Jan-14 11:15:34

If he says he's having a heart attack, call an ambulance to wherever he is. If he threatens to commit suicide, wait until he actually attempts it and then call an ambulance ot wherever he is.

Get the idea into his head that these are serious illnesses and that you are in no way able to fix them. He needs a medical professional.

Allergictoironing Sat 04-Jan-14 11:28:51

Please read THIS thread. Should give you a fair idea of a) how common this is, part of The Script, and b) coping mechanisms others have employed for this type of emotional blackmail.

The supposed heart attack & any similar suggestions of life threatening illnesses are part and parcel of the same thing, ways to tug at your heartstrings & let him back in.

The simple fact that he didn't get himself to hospital right away but left it a whole day including going to work, should be enough proof that it's just another of his lies.

PPaka Sat 04-Jan-14 11:29:17

We own house jointly
I don't have any funds to leave or anywhere to go
Family is hours away

He's at the hospital now

somedizzywhore1804 Sat 04-Jan-14 11:35:59

My manipulative ex used to pull the "I'm having a heart attack" routine whenever I said something that he didn't like. Wanker. As a previous poster said, part of the script.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Sat 04-Jan-14 12:56:53

Not nice I know but when my extremely violent ex tried both if these I asked him to wait while I made popcorn and sat down to watch.

I do not recommend this approach though as obviously it can turn very nasty. Mine just called me an unfeeling bitch and walked out in a strop. To be fair after ten years of beating me he probably realised that beating me up for taking the piss wouldn't have any effect.

A lot of them do it. It's as if they don't know what will happen when you find out about the lying and cheating and tell them to leave.

On a side note I called the police to the one time the threatened suicide and they got him sectioned.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-Jan-14 12:59:10

Is the divorce process underway? Do you have a good solicitor? Hope he recovers from what ails him but don't let it divert you from your objective.

PPaka Sat 04-Jan-14 12:59:39

So they are doing tests

Possible blood clot
He flew long haul last week, that's the first thing they'd check

Now what do I do?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-Jan-14 13:01:26

It doesn't make any difference to the split whether he's sick or well does it?

doasyouwouldbedoneby Sat 04-Jan-14 13:02:21

Nothing-absolutely nothing.

As far as you are concerned you are seperated but living in the same house.
Heartless but perhaps you non action will get the message across

FreakinAllAboutSugar Sat 04-Jan-14 13:06:31

How do you know this, OP? Are you at the hospital with him?

Just having visions of him texting from the hospital cafe, trying to make you sweat.

Even if it's true, you did not give him a blood clot an it has no bearing on your split.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-Jan-14 13:09:10

You could always tell him to ask one of his hookers/FWBs/stippers to visit with the grapes... smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-Jan-14 13:11:01

Does he have an up to date will? Life insurance? <clouds and silver linings etc>

Mellowandfruitful Sat 04-Jan-14 13:11:49

If he has a blood clot he will be kept in for treatments for a few days with anticoagulants. Nothing you can do that is appropriate for a lying cheating partner.

RandomMess Sat 04-Jan-14 13:16:37

Suggest that he moves into a houseshare so he's not alone should something medical happen winkgrin

gamerchick Sat 04-Jan-14 13:20:03

Ignore him OP. Even if there is something wrong with him. It'll send him a clear message I should think.

PPaka Sat 04-Jan-14 13:22:34

He's expecting me to go to the hospital, so he probably is there
I think there's also a possibility that he's doing this for time off work
I hate saying that out loud.

An ex wife would show some sympathy surely?

I have seen solicitor but not started anything yet. Was hoping he'd go quietly and quickly

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-Jan-14 13:24:44

Only the sympathy you'd show for any sick person. He showed you no sympathy when he was with his whores, strippers and FWBs did he? No hospital visits. This is a power game now and rushing to his side will make him feel he has power over you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 04-Jan-14 13:25:21

Get the solicitor to draw up the papers. It won't make him worse.

YouStayClassySanDiego Sat 04-Jan-14 13:26:10

Ignore him.

Not your problem any more.

doasyouwouldbedoneby Sat 04-Jan-14 13:26:34

An ex wife would show some sympathy surely? ummmm NO

where was his sympathy and understanding of you when he was with his fbw whores and strippers.

Treat him just as he has treated you. Please do not get sucked in to this drama.


PPaka Sat 04-Jan-14 13:27:41

Yeah, I think I'll just go back to solicitor and start the process

gamerchick Sat 04-Jan-14 13:29:51

Yes don't get sacked in to hospital things. He's just good hands.

Show sympathy all you want.. just keep it polite and via other none in the flesh means.

gamerchick Sat 04-Jan-14 13:30:05


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