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New man, body issues

(46 Posts)
BradleyCoopersCurlyPerm Fri 03-Jan-14 20:48:25

So I've been seeing someone for a little while. He's a single parent, so tends to be nights around his watching a film, some food, wine etc one his daughter has gone to sleep, unless she is with her mother and then we go out.

Sorry in advance if it's too much info, but we''ve had sex twice and a session before that which involved lots of kissing, touching etc but not penetrative sex. Each time has been wonderful, the sex is amazing and has been a session with lots of attention paid etc lasting a few hours.

Now I don't think he has any issue with this at all, but I'm overweight. Not grossly, but am a size 16-18. The first couple of times I kept some element of clothing on (perhaps as a comfort / safety thing??) However, last time we both ended up stripped completely, and whilst I loved the full skin contact, I was a bit self conscious at first.

I know the obvious thing to do is lose some weight, and I plan / want to anyway, but how can I feel less self conscious about it in the meantime?? He really does make me feel amazing, showers me and my.body with attention, several orgasms etc. I know it's not exactly a life stopping problem, but he's the first new person I've been with in quite some time.

SirSugar Fri 03-Jan-14 20:54:37

Tell him that you are built for comfort; not speed

bewilderedotcom Fri 03-Jan-14 20:58:29

If you are having sex with him do you think you could just ask him? Talking is just another kind of intimacy after all.

Maybe 'I am a bit self conscious about my size, is it a problem for you?' I am sure he enjoys you the way you are and it won't be an issue for him, after all he was attracted to you as you are and clothes really aren't much of a disguise for a fuller figure! I'm sure he will do everything he can to reassure you. Most men don't go for size 8 women, no matter what the magazines say!

If he says he wants you to lose weight I would be a bit worried as it might indicate a controlling man, but if he asks if you want to for health reasons and offers to help you or keep you company in the gym then I would be overjoyed smile

IrishBloodEnglishHeart Fri 03-Jan-14 20:58:31

From what you have described it sounds like he is entirely delighted with you as you are. If the sex is great and he compliments your body just relax and try not to overthink it. Take it a day at a time and enjoy what the two of you have. It sound bloody great smile

manaboutthemaison Fri 03-Jan-14 21:08:11

who'd want sex with a stick insect ??? it'd be like shagging a fold up deck chair. He obviously finds you awesome.... go for it

LyndaCartersBigPants Fri 03-Jan-14 21:11:33

I make sure to leave a very dim light on and if I'm likely to be exposed in any way, keep a vest (a lacy sexy one, like a negligee, not just a plain old cotton one!) to keep my tummy covered.

DP loves me just as I am and always tells me not to be shy and that I'm sexy. I'll never parade around naked, but I'm getting better at not hiding quite so much!

I'm sure your new man loves every inch of you and as you get more comfortable with him I'm sure you'll relax. Enjoy!

BradleyCoopersCurlyPerm Fri 03-Jan-14 21:38:08

I really don't get the impression from him at all that it is in any way a problem. I'm generally quite ok with being naked, I know I'm a larger lady but tend to mostly carry my weight alright. I'll never be skinny as I''ve always been quite voluptuous so I don't look right if I'm too thin. I think just a size 12-14 would be my ideal.

My concern is more when we're in the throws of passion and my stomach juggles. Can't be a pretty sight for him when he's at eye level!!! But as I said it's definitely my issue and not his. And I doubt that he sees me as big as I see myself.

Rummikub Fri 03-Jan-14 21:40:32

It sounds like he's into you! Enjoy and be confident.

RoxyDoxy Fri 03-Jan-14 21:43:45

You're the size you were when you started the relationship

He clearly fancies you like mad. (A few hours - lucky girl!)

Perhaps you could have another glass of wine and think of all the people who would love to be in your position (metaphorically and literally)

Guiltypleasures001 Fri 03-Jan-14 21:45:00

This will be the second time I've posted this on this forum

If the man is standing there with a hard on it doesn't matter if your wearing a black bin liner or a sack cloth and ashes, he wants to be with you and in you, take it as the compliment it is.

Chin up shoulders back tits out lovey some of it is chemistry , some of it is throwing caution to the wind, the rest is smoke and mirrors.

EirikurNoromaour Fri 03-Jan-14 22:04:09

If he's fucking you then he's clearly happy with the way you look and feel. That's all you need to know! If he's enthusiastic about touching your body, makes all the right noises etc then don't worry! Weirdly enough, some men like a soft woman with a generous arse!

Laurel1979 Fri 03-Jan-14 22:06:52

I know exactly what you mean OP - I am a similar dress size and it definitely affects my self esteem when it comes to dating. Not helped by the fact that the last guy I slept with didn't want to see me again after we had sex (on the first date - a while other looooong thread!). But in your case, it sounds like he is really keen, so I wouldn't mention it!

Laurel1979 Fri 03-Jan-14 22:07:45

Sorry whole not while

Joysmum Fri 03-Jan-14 22:14:32

This isn't about your size, it's about your self confidence.

I've been all sizes from size 22 to an 8 and I could be just as confident at times as a size 22 as u was at an 8. Equally, my confidence takes a nose dive and at size 8 I felt worse than at size 22.

I'll be blunt here, my husband finds me most attractive when I'm most confident and that's got bugger all to do with my time. He likes to feel I enjoy sex without feeling self conscious, more than that but when he feels I am full of lust and gagging for a fab fun session!

My self confidence is not related to my size, it's related to how much I like myself.

BradleyCoopersCurlyPerm Fri 03-Jan-14 22:14:46

I just hope it passes soon. It's crap having one eye on my jelly belly when I'm enjoying myself! I know he fancies me, we had a conversation where he was saying he doesn't know how some people can sleep with people they aren't attracted to etc.

I think I just expected him to recoil in horror at my jelly belly. But we've been in touch since then and he's definitely looking forward to meeting up again. And I know he's as satisfied as I am so all good really. I'm just fretting over nothing I think.

BradleyCoopersCurlyPerm Fri 03-Jan-14 22:19:46

I'm actually a pretty confident person, and had no issue with getting naked and being stood naked in front of him with the lights on etc. And I know what I like and what feels good for me, which I think he appreciates. It is literally just my stomach jiggling when he's going down on me and I get into it.

Joysmum Fri 03-Jan-14 22:28:00

If it's your belly that bothers you then embark on some tummy toning and see how you go. Really pleased you've found somebody that's worth making the effort for

Best of luck and enjoy. Sex is a great form of exercise grin

Rummikub Fri 03-Jan-14 22:32:04

Erm, I doubt v much he's noticing that while he is going down on you grin

Allofaflumble Fri 03-Jan-14 22:37:02

I am full of envy!

I remember many years ago, a lover telling me he loved my squidgy belly.

And he was a very fit younger man.

I don't think there is any harm in just saying casually you feel a bit self conscious about your belly.


BradleyCoopersCurlyPerm Fri 03-Jan-14 23:05:40

I know, it's ridiculous isn't it. I know he probably couldn't care less at all. He likes that we're comfortable and relaxed with each other and he says he likes making me feel good, but the swing side of it is that whilst he wants to spend forever down there I can climax a few times which means plenty of belly wobble.

Bizzarely even despite my size I do mostly feel quite sexy, and there are men who find me attractive so I'm fairly confident in myself.

I just need to chill out over it I think, and concentrate on losing some weight as I wanted anyway.

LyndaCartersBigPants Fri 03-Jan-14 23:08:48

Probably makes a difference what his body is like too. I'd find it harder to be relaxed with a really slim or toned man, but a big hunk of a man who has his own hang ups is much easier to deal with!

Trills Fri 03-Jan-14 23:20:02

It really doesn't sound like he dislikes your body...

BradleyCoopersCurlyPerm Fri 03-Jan-14 23:24:10

He's just got a normal (but perfect!) body. Medium build, not super toned, not overweight. Squishy where it matters and strong where it matters. He's put on half a stone though which he's a bit self conscious about. Even though his body is beautiful.

LyndaCartersBigPants Fri 03-Jan-14 23:47:31

Sounds perfect! I know my DP isn't as confident about his body as he has been, but because I love it he has no qualms about being naked with me. We're just comfortable with each other, which it sounds as if you are too. Fab!

BasicFish Sat 04-Jan-14 00:33:06

OP, you sound lovely and your new man sounds very very into you! It all sounds really positive, now get leaping into bed with him! grin


"who'd want sex with a stick insect ??? it'd be like shagging a fold up deck chair."

Don't you sound charming. First of all, women are not stick insects. Stick insects are, well, insects, so the whole penetration thing would be a bit trickly. Unless the man in question has a tiny, tiny penis? Possibly spent too much time shagging deck chairs to remember what a real naked lady looks like? And is it better to shag a fold up deck chair than a fixed one? I'm worried about the amount of research that has been carried out here..

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