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'If you leave me I'll kill myself'....

(248 Posts)
CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 12:43:50

Indulge me MN-ers. How many of you had that threatened at some point when you were leaving an abusive bully and how many of the abusive bullies are still with us today?

sanityawol Thu 02-Jan-14 13:16:13

I was amazed at his swift recovery from depression and suicidal feelings all those years ago so that he was able to move on to the next one...

And his survival is amazing really, when you consider that according to 'friends' I left him for someone else when exH had cancer... the only vaguely true part of that is that I kicked him out...

But he is some sort of medical miracle as he has had at least three testicles removed due to cancer since we split. hmm grin

Marmotte3 Thu 02-Jan-14 13:16:21

Yes, Ex stuffed some painkillers in his mouth, in front of me, he wasn't in the slightest bit serious about it.

But he was serious when he tried to strangle me, I got free of him after that, almost 18 years ago now.

Life is good and it's a lovely sunny day here. Birds are singing smile

colditz Thu 02-Jan-14 13:16:21

Me - still alive and happily mistreating his new girlfriend

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Thu 02-Jan-14 13:16:22

My exh did.. 16 years on he's still alive and kicking and in fact in custody for killing his subsequent wife. It makes me shudder.. I had a lucky escape :/

ItsTrueLefou Thu 02-Jan-14 13:16:35

Oh my exH frequently used to promise to kill himself. Sadly he was renowned for failing to keep promises. He's still knocking around somewhere I believe hmm

Minnieisthedevilmouse Thu 02-Jan-14 13:16:36

Like cinnebar I've known two suicides. Both just decided and did it. Only one had a failed pre attempt. Both around 25. Both men.

I think like most things, if it's something you mean you just do it. You don't sit moaning or mithering about it. They certainly told no one prior.

CinnabarRed Thu 02-Jan-14 13:16:44

Not the post to me, BTW, the one above it.

The one to me was nice.

colditz Thu 02-Jan-14 13:17:58

Pmsl oh sanity

coffeeslave Thu 02-Jan-14 13:18:17

An ex of mine told me he'd kill himself if I left him.

He left me about 6 months later. I was devastated :-(

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 13:18:31

Absolutely, actual suicide is a very painful business for those left behind. Threatened suicide very different. Hope I haven't offended you.

BarfaStewart Thu 02-Jan-14 13:18:47

Thumby, I no longer feel sorry for her, she facilitated his abuse of me and justified it because she blamed me for ruining her life (not the fact that she had unprotected sex with a feckless semi-stranger) I tell you what though, it felt bloody good to see the confusion in his eyes when he realised that I wasn't actually scared of him anymore.

Not me but my best friend was in a relationship with a complete cocklodger for 10 years. Turned out she had tried to leave several times and yup, he threatened suicide each time (his dad did actually take his own life when they were together).

She is now married to a lovely guy with two beautiful DDs (broke up with dickhead about 8 years ago) and sees him around once every couple of years.

Last thing she heard from mutual friends was that he was doing brilliantly in his profession - but that he'd fallen out with a good mate as he'd been coming to play indoor football for 5 years without paying and had been expecting the friend to stump up for him. When the friend called in the debt he went no contact.

But he'd been doing so well in work - aibu to suspect he couldn't afford the football? Wonder if he threatened to top himself over it to this friend too?

Wallison Thu 02-Jan-14 13:21:22

I had an ex threaten this. He wasn't abusive, just fucking boring, which is why I dumped him.

He sent me a fb friend request a couple of years ago, so presumably is still alive and kicking (and boring the knackers off everyone he encounters).

LittleMissDisorganized Thu 02-Jan-14 13:24:19

My husband's ex still texts including pictures of a rope (just a rope) and especially when we are away he gets texts or calls.

He has been persuaded that just referring her back to the professionals, or ringing an ambulance and letting them sort out whether its manipulative or not, works far better. Less threats since we've been doing that. I honestly hope she can sort herself out.

scallopsrgreat Thu 02-Jan-14 13:25:28

Not me but a friend of mine had her boyfriend threaten, then try (half-heartedly whilst on the phone to her). He's still alive as far as I am aware. He was an arse, strangely enough.

CinnabarRed Thu 02-Jan-14 13:28:15

No, not at all Cogito. Just a sensitive spot for me, that's all.

Ah sorry, Cinnabar - I think you must mean mine. I hadn't seen your post when I posted that, and I do apologise.

treaclesoda Thu 02-Jan-14 13:33:24

I had this threat made by a boyfriend when I was about 18. I let him emotionally blackmail me into staying with him. He tried to physically intimidate me once, but I was so shocked I just laughed and he never tried again. Eventually I broke it off. When I started seeing someone else, he shoved a handful of pills down his throat but was in no way serious about it. His friends got fed up with his drama and told him to stop being a dick. He did.

He is still here today, still selfish and self absorbed. To the best of my knowledge he never was physically abusive to a partner, but he is so selfish that he would be utterly unbearable to spend any time with. He married a woman who mistreated him horribly though, stealing his money, cheating on him and worse, so in all honesty he has been more the victim than the oppressor for most of his life, he is quite a tragic figure.

BillyBanter Thu 02-Jan-14 13:36:33

Also someone I'd only seen a few times. He turned up outside my work and told me he would kill himself. I said. Don't be silly I'm not worth killing yourself over, but if you did I wouldn't see it as my fault or responsibility. I could see him visibly deflate at this point.

tbf he kind of gave his game away by saying 'I'll kill myself then you'll be sorry' grin

And sorry again, Cinnabar - not me then, for which I am relieved.

Barfy - it must have shaken his world to realise he'd lost that element of control.

wontletmesignin Thu 02-Jan-14 13:38:37

My first proper bf said this on several occasions.
I kept believing him. He actuslly slit his wrist at one point.
In the end, i told him to get on with it. He is still here. With a new victim.

My ex also said this. Actually held a knife to hos throat telling me i dont realise how i make him feel.
He has said it many other times too.
He is also still here.


DiaryOfAWimpyMum Thu 02-Jan-14 13:39:33

My xh said this a lot. He's still alive.

overthemill Thu 02-Jan-14 13:50:46

My ex threatened it and did indeed drive himself into the central barrier of motorway. Police came to tell me (he told them where I'd be) but said they didn't think it was serious effort as he'd had seatbelt on. Wish he'd been successful tbh. He was a total bastard and had previously tried to kill me and later tried to burn my house down

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 13:53:26

@overthemill... I suppose 'if you leave me I'll prang the car and cause a jam on the M25' doesn't have quite the same ring to it. hmm

zeldapinwheel Thu 02-Jan-14 13:55:10

My ex tried this,woke me up in middle of the night, brandishing a large knife to tell me he knew I was cheating on him( I wasn't) and that he was gonna slit his wrists if I didn't confess.

This was the final straw for me and I told him to cut length ways down the vein not across as it would work better. Also suggested he do it in the bath otherwise his mum would have a lot of mess to clear up.

I then rolled over and went back to sleep. He didn't do it.

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