Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

'If you leave me I'll kill myself'....

(248 Posts)
CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 12:43:50

Indulge me MN-ers. How many of you had that threatened at some point when you were leaving an abusive bully and how many of the abusive bullies are still with us today?

Fairylea Thu 02-Jan-14 12:45:02

My ex said this. He also said he'd kidnap dd and take her to Thailand and I'd never see her again.

He is still here.

And she is with me and he barely makes any effort to see her.

TurnipCake Thu 02-Jan-14 12:45:58

Two ex-boyfriends (one was abusive) threatened to kill themselves. One actually gave me the month he was going to do it in (when I was due to go travelling and ya know, get my life back without him)

They're both still alive. Thank goodness for that.

ThePost Thu 02-Jan-14 12:46:17

"Good, it's much less paperwork than a divorce." That'll sort it.

StarlightMcKingsThree Thu 02-Jan-14 12:47:12

I've had this. It is horrible but another person's actions are their choice alone and telling them that should be the last thing you tell them as you close the door with them the other side.

I haven't personally had this. But. There was a young traveller man who hanged himself in my Mum's area, when she was a local councillor (how she knew about it all) after threatening to kill himself if his wife left him - she did, he did. But the travelling community have a different set of honour values, don't they (and this is NOT A GOADY COMMENT) so it's probably not representative, nor do I have any idea whether or not he was abusive.

Annonynon Thu 02-Jan-14 12:49:11

My ex did this. I took him seriously the first time he said it (I was very young) the next time I just looked at him with this exact expression hmm and yes he's still alive and kicking

I've already discussed with my teens why threats like this are abusive and how to react to them (ignore or if concerned contact authorities)

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 12:49:39

OK that's one out of seven so far

Flibbertyjibbet Thu 02-Jan-14 12:50:23

Mine did this.

I'd said I wanted to leave, he said he might as well top himself. I remember looking at him thinking 'ok then that would save me a lot of hassle'.

He is still here.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Thu 02-Jan-14 12:56:19

My ex threatened to kill himself if I left him.

I left him anyway.

He didn't kill himself.

handfulofcottonbuds Thu 02-Jan-14 13:01:03

My DS's Dad threatened this when I left him years ago, even turned up on my doorstep with slashes to his wrists a few times, not very deep though. He was abusive to me for years.

My H who left me in September for OW has threatened this a couple of times too. Even told me he was going to do it one night then hung up on me and I couldn't get hold of him again. I realise now this is just part of their game. Although if your H leaves you, why would they threaten suicide?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 13:01:16

It's so heart-warming how many came back from the brink. What a testament to the human spirit... smile

AdoraBell Thu 02-Jan-14 13:01:38

I had this after Two dates with a bloke. Two dates.

I said I didn't want To continúe, nice meeting you etc and he said 'you might be reading something about me in the papers Tomorrow'

I told him I didn't read newspapers so it wasn't likely.

Not sure if my father ever used that táctic but he was absolutely stunned when my mother did leave. I mean really flabergasted, like 'that wasn't supposed To happen'

Now that I'm writing this I think an ex might have said it but by that stage I was no longer listening so I don't fully recall.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 13:03:10

Two dates. Wow.

sanityawol Thu 02-Jan-14 13:05:21

Yep - had this from exH a couple of weeks after DD and I had moved into our own place. Although he told several of my friends that he'd kill himself if I didn't take him back, knowing that they would relay it to me hmm

I think that my response was along the lines of "I'll believe it when it happens" and I was generally considered to be a heartless cow wink

A week or so later he was trying to borrow £50 from me for petrol to come and see DD (he had moved 5, yes 5, miles away from us). The week after that he was wanting to introduce DD to his new girlfriend... I suspect that the £50 that he got in a strop about me not giving him (I'd never have seen it again) was more likely to benefit gf than DD.

10 years on and he's still alive but has now moved several hundred miles away. Hasn't been to see DD in years... and I dropped several friends a long time ago too.

OLittleTownOfBarflehem Thu 02-Jan-14 13:08:13

My stepdad used to say this. He'd tell me that he was going to commit suicide (my earliest memory of this was from when I was 5) and that it would be my fault. He'd say it to my mum (she never did leave the wanker)

We had a huge row a few years back, he shouted in my face (as I was holding DS) "You fucking bitch, I'm taking a rope into the woods to hang myself" my response was "Are you sure you know how to tie the knot?"

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 13:08:55

10 year survival... these brave people have such a tenacious grasp of life, don't they? <wipes involuntary tear>

myroomisatip Thu 02-Jan-14 13:11:31

grin OLittleTown

My ex did too. He is still around and we get on much better now we are divorced.

mmmmtoffee Thu 02-Jan-14 13:12:26

my exP did and still is using it. (his Dad aparently killed himself after his mum left, but ive hears so many different stories about why his dad killed himself, I dont know what to believe) I juat referred him to Samaritans then got fed up and forwarsed his texts/emails to my Solicitor.

its only been 4 weeks.

CinnabarRed Thu 02-Jan-14 13:13:07

My Dad killed himself when his marriage to my Mum broke down. (Part of a full breakdown that also saw him start an affair and lose his job.)

But he didn't threaten it. He just did it - first attempt failed, second attempt a week later was successful.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 13:14:07

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Thu 02-Jan-14 13:14:37

Yes. Just by a bf that didn't like being dumped. He's still alive.

It's just blackmail of the worst type. I might have gone back but that killed all respect I had for him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jan-14 13:15:12

Sorry about your Dad CinnabarRed.... but significant that you say he didn't threaten and just went ahead. That's been my experience as well, unfortunately. The serious ones don't advertise their intentions.

OLittleTown - I'd have loved to have seen his face after that response! I'd also have offered to hold the other end for him, I think. Your mum, though - how awful that she put up with that EA of you when you were so little.

CinnabarRed Thu 02-Jan-14 13:15:55

Cogito, that last post was a wee bit off. Suicide (actual, as opposed to blackmail) isn't a light matter, at least not for me.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now