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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

Right what's the latest with online dating

80 replies

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 20:54

Ok had a break from it. Considering dipping toes back in. What sites are to be avoided? POF right? Is Match any better? The main question is: Do any decent men honestly do online dating??

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:02

I am taking it that the answer is: online dating is for creeps and losers?

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:03

That's what I thought! :-) Seriously though- are there any decent sites or is match any better than pof?

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joblot · 28/12/2013 21:13

Depends what you're after. Pof and okc are free and ok. I've not paid so cant comment on others but I get the impression there's dross everywhere. Why don't you have a look at them all and see what suits you? Each attracts different types of people to some degree

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HairyGrotter · 28/12/2013 21:16

I met my fiancé on OK Cupid but I'd done online dating for 18 months before meeting him, each site has it's bellends and bitches. Tune up the radar and dip that toe in.

My DF is very normal, and I'm a lucky bint having 'landed' him, as it were!

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SweetSeraphim · 28/12/2013 21:18

Try this thread Snoopy

here

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Augustwedding · 28/12/2013 21:28

Met my DF on eharmony 3 years ago, getting married in August.

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MunchkinJess · 28/12/2013 21:31

I mety fiance on plenty of fish three yeara ago. a friend at work has met her partner of one year on plenty of fish and my old house mate has met a few decent guys on It.too

I think its a case of getting to know.people.and if their are warning signs they are not right then go with your guy instinct.

I.would never have met my fiance.if it wasn't for.plenty of fish

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:36

Thanks for the link Seraphim but I can't keep up with the dating thread! And not really many specifics about sites etc used. I'm not looking for players. Ah when I was on it before, (POF only), there were so many that seemed ok online but turned out to be very weird. Only went for coffees. No second 'dates!' I'm looking for actual normal guys.

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:37

So eharmony & okcupid. What are they like compared to POF?

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:40

HairyGrotter my radar doesn't work with online dating. That's the problem! Or at least that was the problem previously. I don't think my gut instinct works online! It's disconcerting to say the least. How do you spot the weirdos?!

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JaceyBee · 28/12/2013 21:40

I only use tinder. I prefer the anonymity. But I only use it for casual, not really looking for a proper relationship.

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:42

Yeah I'm not looking for casual sex. Friendship more so. That can turn into more than friendship. I need to get to know someone before I sleep with them :-)

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tawse57 · 28/12/2013 21:42

Things have moved on now past internet dating - the social networking websites and the social networking apps are increasingly replacing them.

You can't beat joining a club doing something you enjoy and meeting people via such a social activity.

Godo friends of mine - both male and female - have met horrors time after time on internet dating sites. Such places do seem to be the home of fantasists, liars, marrieds looking to cheat, nut-jobs and, amongst all that dross, some wonderful, decent people. But finding the latter seems very difficult indeed IMPO.

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:43

Is there any hope for this kind of thing online? Or should I just try to meet someone in real life?

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:45

Oh you mean like MeetUp tawse?

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Augustwedding · 28/12/2013 21:46

I had a few dates off eharmony but met my future husband on the 3rd go. I found eharmony easy to use and matched me well. As you have to pay your less likely to get offers for threesomes etc that I got on POF!

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MunchkinJess · 28/12/2013 21:47

How long before you decide to.meet someone ?

not sure if this makes a difference but I spoke to my fiance every day for two.months before. meeting him.in person.

1).I wanted to be comfortable as you can.be to.meet up with him and 2) the slightest sign of something strange said, any sexual hints etc etc I would have run a mile. in the other direction.

I think for.me what made us click was that we talked nearl every day about every day stuff

dont get me.wrong a few wierdos did try to connect with me but their intentions and weirdness soon came.out when I refused to meet up with them without getting to know them a bit more.

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:53

Ah right so you pay for eharmony & match. Do you pay for okcupid?

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:56

Yeah Munchkin I was quite impatient before. I was curious I suppose to see the guys that were on there in person. So I didn't chat too much before agreeing to meet up. To be honest, I don't have much patience for online chatting as it can be a time waster too!

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NewBeginningsSnoopy · 28/12/2013 21:59

Like what I don't get is how did you & your fiancé develop a normal daily thing without ever meeting and without either of you saying anything bizarre? I mean, it's so easy to be misunderstood. I mean, you can't even be sarcastic. Everything can be taken up wrongly!

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CosyTeaBags · 28/12/2013 22:04

I met my DP on Match.

I found POF to be rather full of desperate wankers, which I put down to it being free.

It pisses me off when people say "Oh you shouldn't do online dating. My friend's friend met someone on there and he turned out to be a right weirdo". Right, so what do you say to those who meet people in a bar who also turn out to be arseholes - never go out with anyone you meet in RL?

As tawse says, there are likely to be plenty of knobbers on there, but they're pretty easy to spot. Just make sure you do plenty of email chatting with lots of people before honing in on someone.

How do you spot the weirdos? - just chat to them, lots. Think of how you would react if he said that to you in RL - i.e. if a guy you've only just met starts to get letchy, how would that come across in RL? Same online. Ask him lots of questions, chat about what he's been up to that day. One of the things that attracted me to my DP was that he posted that he'd been busy building a wall all day - normal mundane stuff which proved he was, well just normal

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MunchkinJess · 28/12/2013 22:06

to be honest I think what I liked about him was that he was so straightforward and never made one comment about sex. which considering how many bring that up it was refreshing to talk to someone normally and not have to tell them to f*^k off

we just talked everyday about every day stuff and got to know each other. he wanted to meet up much sooner than me but waited till.i was ready too.

I understand that chatting online can be a waste of time but I would rather find out someone is a wierdo or not right for me via chat than going through. the hoops.of meeting someone which would have an even bigger. waste of time

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MunchkinJess · 28/12/2013 22:09

lik Cosy said the weird ones soon show themselves if you chat to them.for a while.

I describe online dating like as if you are going to a packed noisy bar.. their will be loads of people, some.idiots, some nice but you wont find out till you start chatting to .people.

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HairyGrotter · 28/12/2013 22:12

As cosy said, treat the messages as you would meeting and chatting to someone in real life. If it makes you uncomfortable, it's not right etc.

Don't spend too long chatting online, don't invest too much, just meet up, keep an open mind and enjoy. DF is SOOOOOO not my type, but we kept it relaxed, and enjoyed it, then fell madly in love. La de da. I never wanted marriage or more children (I have one DD, I'm a lone parent) but WHAM, it hit me, but it was so relaxed and easy.

Keep your head on your shoulders and be true to yourself and your levels of comfort!

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CosyTeaBags · 28/12/2013 22:13

to be honest I think what I liked about him was that he was so straightforward and never made one comment about sex YY to this. Again, to use the RL analogy... if you were chatting to someone you just met in a bar and he made a suggestive comment, what would you do? Tell him to fuck right off, right? Online, it's easier than that - you can just ignore and cross him off your list.

Go for it OP - and if you want to run any potentials through our weirdo filter (mine's pretty good) then feel free!