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Why is my fiance so unkind?

(77 Posts)
Crunchypeanut Fri 27-Dec-13 01:10:37

Really pissed of with fiance for being so consistently selfish. Been with him for 4 yrs , we live separately ( whole lotta issues there on his part ) and I have always had a lot of grief from his ex wife. For me being in a relationship is about sharing, being kind, supportive , loving and loyal to each other. For him it's about sex and what I can do for him financially or otherwise .We had a big discussion several months ago regarding him putting me ahead of his demanding ex after a particularly abusive situation from her and keeping me in the loop. So why is it that I have to find out even the most basic of things second hand and her needs always take priority. Been waiting all week for him to tell me that he's paid his Csa early at his ex wifes request but he's never said a word. I don't think ordinarily I would have minded but what's really got to me is that he owes me a large sum of money and not once out of common decency or manners did he run it past me or check that financially I was ok over Christmas. He always, always takes it for granted that I am ok. Never occurred to him that it was what two people in an adult relationship do. When I told him how upset I was and disappointed he told me I was over reacting and his ex wife had a lot of expense over Christmas and basically tough! Like the rest of don't have to budget all year round. Completely fed up with being treated as an afterthought , his constant need to pacify his ex and his sense of entitlement . I really don't feel that we are equal partners and his selfishness, immaturity and excuses for progressing our relationship forward all involve his ex wife. He thinks I am hung up on her but he makes it impossible when he encourages her ' might' in our relationship. If I am honest I love him to bits but feel i am suffocating under her weight. I don't expect him to move on from his lovely children but I am so bored of his inability to move on from his ex wife and his lack of ambition for us.

mayihaveaboxofchoculaits Fri 27-Dec-13 17:47:47

Finantially, how much does he owe you?

Write it down,that is his debt to you.

What do you get out of this relationship?

Are you staying in it, because you fear he wont "repay",in cash or kind. Do you think if you complain you wont get the cash returned?

Did you have any docs to show there has been a loan. Consider cutting him adrift and going to small claims court.

WitchOfEndor Fri 27-Dec-13 17:50:50

OP, get your money back and leave him. You and your kids deserve better than that.

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