Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

can you love more than one child?

(30 Posts)
nobodysawmedoit Thu 26-Dec-13 22:12:47

Ok, I know it sounds weird, but I'm afraid that if there's a DC2 I won't have enough time / love / emotional energy to split between them both (plus DH), and either DC2 won't get enough love and be neglected, or I'll feel like I've damaged my relationship with DS1. I know most people have more than one child and they all manage, but is it really REALLY possible to love them both and not feel like something has had to suffer as a result? I am truly mentallly in love with my DS1 and I can't imagine being able to feel that about more than one little person!!!
The background to all this is but this is I got pregnant with DS very quickly after DH and I got married. We were a very close couple, very in love, and excited about baby. But when DS1 was born I had terrible - T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E - PND and it was mostly because I felt he had "ruined" our relationship as a couple. I couldn't cope with the lack of time for us as a couple, the stress, the constant demands from this new person, etc. Basically, I just couldn't cope with two lovely people in my life!
Once I got over the PND things got much better and I adore DS with absolute insanity. RElationship with DH is very good but nothing like when we were first married because there just isn't enough time to devote to keeping our relationship strong (sex? evening out? relaxation? What's that?). I'm terrified of doing anything that would "ruin" my relationship with DS1, I could never forgive myself.
Sorry this is a bit long, it's hard to explain in a rational way.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Fri 27-Dec-13 01:46:49

Yes! Absolutely yes! I have 3 DC, and worried this immensely whilst pregnant with DC2 fgrin.

I thought I couldn't possibly love another human being in the way I love DS1, but I was wrong. It's not so much a case of 'sharing' DC1's love, more a case of extra love growing grin.

AlaskaNebraska Fri 27-Dec-13 01:47:59

No. Only one
rolls eyes

Weegiemum Fri 27-Dec-13 02:45:33

I have 3 - and I love them all. It was very hard work when they were small (when dd2 was born, ds was just under 22 months, and dd1 was 3y10m - so I had 3 under 4!). The love just expands and grows (even through PND that had me seeing a psychiatrist).

Have to say though, OP, I'm quite amazed that both you and dh have older siblings diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder! As I have it myself, I know just what a struggle it is to be taken seriously and get an official diagnosis, because it's a very specialised field. Just saying!

TheGreatHunt Fri 27-Dec-13 07:13:47

Yes there will be times when one cries and the other one has to wait. However I'm not sure that's a bad thing - helps you to learn patience etc. If anything, the youngest might get more attention as the "baby".

I have several siblings but grew up with my brother who was 18 months younger. It was awesome having someone to play with and grow up with. Also as an adult, I love having someone who shared my childhood with. My DH who has 3 siblings is similar. Hence us having more than one. However if you didn't have a positive experience with siblings, then I can see why people stick with one.

pregnantpause Fri 27-Dec-13 08:14:43

I should name change for this, but, don't know how.

I have 2, and while when she was born I loved dd2 instantly, I find it very hard. Sometimes I'm not sure I love her as much as dd1 and my parenting has suffered. I'm a worse parent to two than I was onesad But, the thing that makes me happiest in the world is how much dd1 and dd 2 love each other. From the day she was born dd1 has adored dd2- they are now best friends, together, comfort each other, are do delightful and lovely to witness, that it's unquestionably worth it. Atm I feel like having dd2 was the best gift I could ever have given dd1- a friend. Despite my struggles I wouldn't change for anything.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now