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Can I send this to my alcoholic ex, or put it on facebook?

(27 Posts)
Uppatea Thu 26-Dec-13 17:42:35

This time on boxing day last year I found the empty 2 litre bottle of cider under your desk in the study. I had wondered why you kept going in there at regular intervals on Christmas day. You had given up drinking for the second time that year. I thought.

This time on boxing day last year daughter no 1 had chicken pox. At 3 pm you said you were just popping out for a quick walk. It was blowing a gale and pouring down. It got to bedtime you still weren't home. You didn't answer my texts or calls. I did bedtime for 3 year old and sick 5 year old by myself, after looking after them all day.

I finally got a chance to get out and look for you asking my mum to babysit. I went to our local first. I could see you through the window, pint in hand, holding court to a near empty pub. Standing under the clock on the wall.

I went in and asked you quietly - not drawing attention or shouting - to come home as our daughter was ill. Which you already knew of course. I drove up the hill and parked so we could talk. I pointed out that your behaviour was massively unfair on both me and the girls. I had not known where you were and you had been gone for hours leaving me to do everything. As usual.

I was so angry and upset that, for the first time in 7 years, I called you a selfish entitled twat. You claimed to have just lost track of time and you stormed self righteously off down the road straight back to the pub.

You came home at 4 am, falling into furniture, crashing into doors and reeking of booze. You woke me up and started shouting at me. You spat in my face as you yelled at me that I was crazy. You had scared me before but this time I was terrified. There was nothing human left in your eyes. Just reptilian instinct. I told you I was frightened of you and that I was going to phone the police. You grabbed my phone out of my hand, threw it across the room in the darkness and laughed at me. What was I going to say to them you jeered at me. That my husband was in his own house and had drunk a few beers? You shoved me back into the bed and my leg bashed against the chair.

I limped downstairs. My mother was staying in the spare room, our 2 girls were asleep - I hoped. I sat on the sofa for hours. Wondering what had just happened. Scared to go to sleep. In shock I suppose. You had been verbally and emotionally abusive before. This was the first time you had ever laid a hand in me in anger.

The next morning I was on facebook and you had been tagged in someone's photo. You didn't use facebook then. I looked at it. You were sitting in a room full of people, you were naked from the waist up. I couldn't see your face but I knew it was you. You were my husband after all. The photo had been taken in the early hours of that morning. I finally knew where you'd been all night. That felt pretty damn weird, finding out from facebook.

This time last year a line was crossed. I tolerated your appalling behaviour for years. I always had some reason to explain why it wasn't so bad. My father was physically violent towards my mother and us. I always vowed that it wouldn't be in my life again. This time last year it suddenly was.

I hope you're enjoying your first sober Christmas since I met you. We enjoyed ours without you this year. No waiting for daddy to peel himself off the bed at lunchtime before opening the presents. No watching you get steadily more pissed as the day wears on. No watching you enjoy your holiday with beer and bonhomie while I do all the actual work and childcare.

Merry Christmas soon to be ex husband.

AmberLeaf Fri 27-Dec-13 09:35:23

As hard as I imagine it has been, you have given your children the best ever Christmas gift by ensuring they didn't have to endure that kind of Christmas again. nor to grow up thinking that is normal.

Chin up and well done you. flowers

halfwildlingwoman Fri 27-Dec-13 09:27:26

You are great. Your girls are so lucky to have you. Well done.

HissymasJumper Fri 27-Dec-13 09:24:51

Well done! Keep this for you.

Your stbx will have to find his own 'post' you telling him won't hit where it needs to.

I hope - for his sake- that he does find his path. I know that you have found the start of yours. Here's to a better 2014, here's to your future, and that of your DC.

DziezkoDisco Thu 26-Dec-13 21:21:41

Well done . Don't post. The people that need to know know. The rest don't matter.

May your 2014 be filled with postiivity.

stickysausages Thu 26-Dec-13 21:09:14

Beautifully written, but I'd keep it just for you, or even for your girls when they're grown up.

Well done on getting out, so much of your post reminds me of my father, your girls deserve better.

I struggle with the addiction is a disease stuff, posts like yours should remind people of the human cost that an addicts behavior has on their family, and that sometimes the only choice is to walk away.

All the best for the new year, sounds like you are doing great for you & your girls xxx

heartisaspade Thu 26-Dec-13 21:08:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iceberg75 Thu 26-Dec-13 21:01:11

Uppatea well done, sounds like you have done the right thing leaving him! What a great role model for your girls. I do hope your Christmas this year was a good one fsmile

Thegrinchishere Thu 26-Dec-13 20:52:25

Well done to you flowers x

CocktailQueen Thu 26-Dec-13 20:47:41

Wow. Have tears in my eyes reading this. Well done you, for leaving that loser.

No, don't put it on facebook. Either just send to your ex, or bin it. Hope it's made you feel better, and hope you had a lovely, peaceful Christmas without him. Xxx

Coconutty Thu 26-Dec-13 18:50:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

What winky said. You are amazing.

ChineseFireball Thu 26-Dec-13 18:42:46

You are fantastic. What a brave and strong woman. I'm sorry last year's Boxing Day was so rubbish for you but onwards and upwards with your family. Best wishes for a positive 2014 smile

Nottalotta Thu 26-Dec-13 18:35:35

Best wishes uppatea. Its a very moving account of your time last year (and years before by the sound of it). Such a shame that his first sober Christmas came when it was too late. But sadly is usually the case. Wishing you a fabulous 2014.

PacificDingbat Thu 26-Dec-13 18:24:15

Oh wow, well done for freeing yourself and your children from your STBXH.

No, you should not put this on FB or send it to him IMO. But I hope you'll have found it therapeutic to put it all on here.

Wishing you a really happy and peaceful 2014 thanks

NorksAreMessy Thu 26-Dec-13 18:23:55

What a lot he has lost.

winkywinkola Thu 26-Dec-13 18:21:09

Wow. You really sorted yourself out, didn't you? You champ.

What a gutsy, strong woman you are.

Your girls have a great role model.

You don't put up with shit.

Be very proud of yourself.

flatbellyfella Thu 26-Dec-13 17:53:52

It would certainly give him a good Kick up the rear end, to read your post, Best wishes for your future & 2014,thanksthanks

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 26-Dec-13 17:50:11

I am so sorry, OP

I hope that getting all that down has given you a tiny bit of peace

Take care x

Pawprint Thu 26-Dec-13 17:50:05

Dear god, what an idiot he sounds. Addiction may be an illness, but that does not excuse his selfish and abusive behaviour.

I wouldn't put it on FB but I would send it directly to him.

Aussiebean Thu 26-Dec-13 17:50:04

It is a very moving account. You are right that you shouldn't put it on Facebook.

But I think writing it down is a wonderful thing for you.

Merry Christmas.

I don't want to read this and not comment. Last Boxing Day was absolutely horrible for you, and you have all my sympathy. Well done for getting out of that situation, and I am so glad this Christmas was better.

diddlediddledumpling Thu 26-Dec-13 17:47:48

Well done, on all counts. I hope you and your dd's had a lovely Christmas. Your strength shines through in your post and you are a great role model for them.

Lovecat Thu 26-Dec-13 17:47:42

(((Uppatea))) Please don't cry, just think of the lovely day you've had with your DCs and all the lovely Christmases you're going to have in the future.

YoniMatopoeia Thu 26-Dec-13 17:47:40

What Santa said.

Well done you.

SantasPelvicFloor Thu 26-Dec-13 17:46:40

Best wishes for 2014 Uppatea. Your life and that of your DC will be unmeasurably better because of your brave step to leave him

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