my hubbys mate making lude commnets grrr

[tiamariaxxx]

Just wondering if i ignore it, laugh it off or tell my OH that hes bothering me. Cant work out if hes just having a laugh

He has known this friend since middle school and have always been very on/off. Both have slept with each other gfs in the past (which they now make fun of) before my time so i cant really make an issue of it. Im not saying i dont like him we have a laugh when were all together but like today hes popped round with a card and some choccies for kids and me and hubby a bottle of something for christmas. OH wasnt home from work and his sister was also actually round, and he made a comment about the bottle of alchhol about maybe me and him should share it instead of hubby bet i would have more fun with him than hubby and gave me a wink. SIL was actually discusted she doesnt like him anyway and its her reallly thats got me thinking that its not really on the way he talks to me.

Hes always starring at my chest aswell which ive noticed a few times (not sure if OH has), hes made commnts to OH about the size of them and on a couple of occaions hes told him hes gone too far. Hes always making a joke aswell about swapping partners for old times sake.

I know men will be men especially ones that still think their 16 but tonight hes really annoyed me, not sure if SIL influence has made me analyse the situation more, i do usually just ignore it. But i also realised i dont lik been alone with him glad SIL was there

[bellasuewow]

From what you have said he sounds really childish and probably jealous of you dh because he fancies you anyway perhaps he is a bit of a twat and he has from the sound of it overstepped the mark and is being disrespectful I would make your feelings clear by being rather frosty with him from now on and leave him to your dh to deal with he is his friend after all...

[sapfu]

He isn't a man, he's a 12 year old. Real men don't speak to women like that.

Tell your partner of every incident and how uncomfortable it makes you.

I'm with your SIL.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

This is absolutely not OK. Tell your partner what this guy says and how it makes you feel, and don't be on your own with him. At best he's sleazy, at worst he's building up to doing something horrible :(

[tiamariaxxx]

yes your right i already know he is very immature, ive been with my hubby nearly 8 years since we were 20 in that time ive seen how "grown up" in the head my OH has become since becoming a father especially but his mates still the same, he even still looks about 14 lol

I think my SIL was so annoyed by hm anyway so i think she may say something so i think i will have a chat.

Its never crossed my mind he might fancy me,

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

I find men like this flock together

you say your OH makes similar "jokes" and laughs along with this dickhead but didn't happen to be present this particular time

I think you should look at all the company you keep, tbh

[tiamariaxxx]

No my OH doesnt laugh along with him as such he will say something and its lik it will go over his head, like i said a couple times hes told him hes gone too far

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

Both have slept with each other gfs in the past (which they now make fun of)

Not coming across as a respecter of women, your OH

[tiamariaxxx]

End of the day this happened as teenagers before i knew him, i do find it a bit pathetic that it always gets brought up its his mate and others who bring it up more than OH to be fair.

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

he laughs along with it though, and gives it back ?

that's what you said

like I said, blokes like this flock together

get your lovely OH to tell his mate to take a running jump for good, see what happens. I hope he reacts in the way you want him to

[tiamariaxxx]

Yer he does on occasions usually round others not saying thats right of him but i guess, if their friendships overcome this then they cant hide whats happened.

Anyway im looking for advice how to deal with his mate, i will tell my OH what he said and have a word he is very protective if he knows im a bit annoyed/weery over what was said im sure he will have a stern wrd with him. Just dont want him falling out with his mates other something that i could just be over reacting over, he is a very jokey jokey person maybe just doesnt realise

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

he realises all right, and so does your OH or his mate wouldn't feel comfortable "joking" like that around you

you are allowed to spell out what is unacceptable to you, and you are not over reacting

in fact, you are under reacting

[tiamariaxxx]

Im very laid back and easy going usually take things with a pinch of salt

[MerryFuckingChristmas]

if it bothers you, perhaps you should ditch the salt and state your case

[CogitoMerrilyOnHigh]

Definitely stand up for yourself and tell this sleazeball where to get off. Also tell your OH to back you up rather than snickering along. Ignoring, easy going and all this pinch of salt stuff.... that's way too passive. Self-respect means being assertive.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

'Take your chocolates and fuck off out of my house'

Would one way of dealing with it if it happens again.

[feelingvunerable]

He sounds like a dick.

The next time he stares at your chest pull him up on it. Would he find it acceptable to stare at his penis?
Tell your oh too and make it plain that you find him a creep.

[TheDoctrineOfSanta]

OP

If you were a different race to this friend, would you think it was ok for your DH to ditch him for making persistent racist comments?

Would you, in fact, hope that your DH would do this?

If so, what's the difference here?

[Anniegetyourgun]

Jokes are supposed to be funny. This immature twerp is just being rude. He's treating you like a piece of furniture his friend has bought that he would like to sit on because it's there. Not a human being at all. Definitely not flattering.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Er...vile. Why he is a friend of your OH? Obviously if the mate thinks its ok to be like this with you, he must talk about/to women in the same manner around your oh.

I think you should tell your oh- he basically propositioned you. Even in a jokey way, that's what it was.

[tiamariaxxx]

I do have self respect just because i dont kick up a fuss doesnt mean i dont trust me.. I think because im bit of a tom boy and have always gone round with lads had nights out and been the only female etc so i know exactly what men are like.

Up until yesterday it didnt bother me that much but i think it was the way he winked and the way SIL was about it that got me thinking. I will tell OH later when hes home from work i didnt really see much of him yesterday as was at work late and then more or less went to bed :(

I know OH will back me up thats not a problem just dont want him loosing anymore mates ive already stopped him hanging round various people (not that im a control freak or out)

His mates also got a gf who is lovely hes good as gold round her only met her twice but i guess if it happens again i could threaten to tell her

[FunInTheSunD]

im not sure why you feel the need to involve your DH... Tell this manboy to fuck off... and mean it... until you start to be assertive and in control of the situation it will carry on
at the moment he probably thinks you enjoy the banter...

[Pawprint]

Not acceptable. He needs to be told.

I had a friend who had a very lecherous husband. He seemed to think he was being funny, but he was just a creep. He would make comments about my breasts etc. In the end, I told him I wouldn't tolerate it anymore and he did eventually stop.

[XmasLogAndHollyOn]

Are you 14 op?

This is the kind of drama you get when you're teenagers, so either you're 14, or your OH and his mate haven't grown up.

Also, just so you know, girls who are "one of the lads" always leave themselves open to putting up with stuff from men that no sensible person should.

[Lazyjaney]

IMO the friend fancies you and/or envies your OH.

You do sound pretty together OP, I think a laid back approach will work best overall, just firmly bat back all the innuendos and passes. Probably mention to your OH that friend came over a bit strong this time but don't labour it, yet.

And IMO this is not a case of "flocking together", but old friends mature at different rates, and the difference is especially marked between those that have kids and those that dont yet.

[Offred]

I don't like your husband or his mates. Someone once told me the same thing on here and they were absolutely right although I was very defensive about it at the time.

You can reliably judge someone by the company they keep. I'd worry what they were like when you weren't around given everything else you've said about him. Basically still hanging around with perverts, cheaters and druggies... Not changed at all really, just grown up a bit and maybe got better at making himself seem acceptable.