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DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

(548 Posts)
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 23-Dec-13 10:28:24

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves


He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

MaeveORave Mon 30-Dec-13 21:18:24

Malcom, glad to read that your mil is not totally delusional about her son like mine was about hers. it's a similar story, my x's father was aggressive, domineering, sexist,lazy, he called all the shots. When i met my x,my mil had been separated from him for a few years and yet she still needed to talk about things sometimes. I was supportive to her! (although obviously it was a fine line for me to tread! i knew she was still traumatised over things taht had gone on, it wasn't like she was just trahsing him for the sake of it.). Anyway, sadly, because she waited til the youngest was 18 to leave him, my x grew up with that. And when we had children, and when I challenged him, and when things got 'boring' and 'messy' he came over all entitled and selfish and reverted to type.

Be glad your son (if you have one, I think you said you do) will not be around to see it. I am glad my son isn't growing up with a bossy, selfish, entitled father who uses aggression and moods and verbal abuse to get his own way.

antimatter Mon 30-Dec-13 14:23:35

I had great support from ex's siblingd. They were all disgusted by his behaviour and supported me. Def important to tell his family.
It looks like they are on your side anyway and this is going to make big difference to you in coming months.

themidwife Mon 30-Dec-13 13:03:07

No you should absolutely tell everyone - his shit not yours! But I would avoid (as AF says) any loss of dignity by public slanging matches at his work etc. Word will get out round there I'm sure!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 30-Dec-13 12:59:42

How you doing today ? Has he stayed away, like he promised to do anything you asked ?

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 30-Dec-13 09:36:16

thank you. Most sols shut until next week :-(

NettleTea Mon 30-Dec-13 09:29:18

No I think you should tell whoever you like, especially if NOT telling them would make things awkward for you. Why hide his dirty little secret. Good luck today

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 30-Dec-13 08:48:26

oh shit, should I not say anything do you think?

themidwife Mon 30-Dec-13 08:35:18

Poor baby, he's going to feel a bit ganged up on soon!

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Sun 29-Dec-13 19:07:19

thank you I will get the book.

Yes he is obviously using the 'not been righy for ages' bullshit.

All his sisters and out dns were supposed to be coming tomorrow. I called one and told her. She was shocked at his behaviour and wants to come see me still. She said she loves me and im still her sister

Shitballs Sun 29-Dec-13 18:50:18

There is a brilliant book called when dad hurts mom by Lundy Bancroft. It details out very clearly the effects of abuse on families, women and children.

If ever you have doubts about doing the right thing for them, this book will help you. I was shocked when I read it. I could relate to so much. It also talks about separation and moving forwards with contact and difficulties that may arise. It provides info on how to emotionally support to your children when your partner won't.

It will arm you with knowledge and confirmation you are doing the best by them. Stay strong.

themidwife Sun 29-Dec-13 18:31:54

Glad you're telling your family & his the truth so he can't tell everyone "you just stopped loving each other"

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Sun 29-Dec-13 17:52:12

yes, I have a load of numbers im going to call at 9

SandyDilbert Sun 29-Dec-13 17:37:45

oh I see - well I guess it depends on what your lawyer can do. Are you going to try and see one tomorrow?

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Sun 29-Dec-13 17:36:15

i meant sense about moving out. Not stealing all the money and letting his family stay in the family house

SandyDilbert Sun 29-Dec-13 17:19:50

but even if he does have some sense knocked into him how could you ever trust him again. What is done is done, no amount of anyone talking to him is going to take that away.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Sun 29-Dec-13 17:15:45

i hope she talks to him.
He is not talking to anyone so just going over it all in his head.

he needs some sense knocking into him

SandyDilbert Sun 29-Dec-13 17:06:40

It must have been difficult to talk to her - so well done. I hope she continues to be a support and may you draw strength from her too.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Sun 29-Dec-13 16:55:19

i spoke wil mil earlier. She didnt know the whole truth as he is not talking. He did not tell her about the messaging to ow or the arranhing to meet up. She was shocked as he must have said it was just a drunken kiss.

She was very supportive and said I must be firm and tell him what I want. He cannot move back it will be drvastating for me and dcs.

She also thinks I should give up work as she cannot see how I will cope. I dont want to give up completly but I am considering dropping a day so I work 2.

Mil also was very insistant I should stay in the house and He will have to pay until dc3 is 18.

I told her about the things he has said to me and the violence and I just dont think I can try any more as it will only happen again.

She was sad but agreed. Dh dad pushed her down the stairs, she left soon after.

Its nice to know she can see both sides.

GlaikitInAPearTree Sun 29-Dec-13 15:35:41

I would consider suspending your FB page at the moment, just until everything has settled. You are giving him a reason to manipulate you, showing himself as the dotting dad.

You apcan easily reactivate it anytime you want.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 29-Dec-13 14:37:10

All for effect innit

he wasn't interested before, now he is Dad Of the Year. Very transparent and obviously he is doing damage limitation like I described as above

if all his FB pals think he is a doting dad then of course he must be

except, he isn't

SandyDilbert Sun 29-Dec-13 13:53:49

you can change settings so your pictures are only visible to close friends and not acquaintances, then you can make him an acquaintance only by clicking on his page, then hovering over the friends button and drop down menu mark him as an acquaintance.

You can also limit all past posts, make your friends list invisible, likes not visible. Privacy is the way forward I find.

Donkeylovesmarzipanandmincepie Sun 29-Dec-13 13:44:27

Shows what a phoney he is.

ScrambledSmegs Sun 29-Dec-13 13:30:30

I think you can block him from seeing stuff on your timeline. Somewhere in privacy settings. It would give you some psychological space, if you want it.

Sorry you're going through this. What an idiot he is.

RollerCola Sun 29-Dec-13 13:26:07

Ah yes, facebook is a great way for him to show his friends what a great dad he is.

My ex never posted pics of the kids on fb. Suddenly there's lots of them doing things at his house. All happy and smiley. And all his pals are liking them. Makes me sick too as he never wanted much to do with the kids when he was at home hmm

Just ignore him.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Sun 29-Dec-13 13:16:59

he makes me sick.

I have only recently been using facebook to pit pics on. Im only friends with family and close friends. Ive put loads on of dc over the last month and when i would say did u see that pic of ...
No i dont go on fb.
No interest.

Just put one on, and he likes it almost immeadiatly.

So he is on facebook when the ow is involved and hes interested in cute pics of the kids when he is not with tem

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