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DH has announced he is bored and lonely... again...

(548 Posts)
MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 23-Dec-13 10:28:24

Hi all,

Ive posted before about my relationship under the name s0fedup. Not sure how to namechane when doing a thread...

Anyway, I dont want to drip feed but tjis time last year I was newly pregnant (unplanned) dh didnt want baby, wanted to leave...

fast forward to baby being 5 weeks old. All ok I tjought, then we had a huge row when he pushed me whilst i was holding the baby.

He has form for making huge swweping statements where he says he doesnt love me blah blah blah

Anyway, baby got the D&V bug on friday night. Dc2 got it yesterday, i got it last night.

I was a wreck and he just got so wound up with the baby not settling. Its because he has never put the baby to bed or done any actual childcare. I have done every night since they were born (6months ago) in fact me and bubs sleep in the nursery together...

Anyway, I ended up settling baby after vomiting but she would only sleep on me. Not a kind work from DH.

Other dc stayed downstairs with dh until je came to bed.

I had to look after baby all night even though I was ill, a d even went into dc when he was sick at 4.

By 7am I had all 3 in thr nursery, i had to go into him at 7:45 to ask him to take 2 of them so me and poorly dc could rest.

He then and hour later cant settle baby, comes up gives her to me and says he needs a shower and is going out.
All grumpy, I ask whats wrong and he anmounces in a pained voice how bored and lonely he is!

Have i not noticed?? errr no,

Bit dramatic sighs, he leaves


He has done this so many times i am really angry, we have family coming today then my Dm for xmas!!!!!

Sorry for marathon rant, not sure how to feel?...

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 23-Dec-13 10:51:23

its all so sad isnt it.

I know he didnt want baby but what the hell can we do???

MissMilliment Mon 23-Dec-13 10:52:56

So he says the worst things he can think of to you just 'for effect'? But the effect he's going for is to knock you sideways and make you feel like shit. Who cares if he 'means it' or not? He's still saying stuff to deliberately upset you. The worst things he can think of.

This is not a good person to be with.

Fairenuff Mon 23-Dec-13 11:00:00

He has changed, for the better, after we have one of these. So who knows...

Wait. This is him better? You mean he used to be even worse than this.

And you are grateful and hopeful?

No, no, no OP. He is horrible and abusive. Do you want your children to grow up thinking this is the way that relationships work?

If you won't leave for yourself, do it for your poor children sad

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 23-Dec-13 11:02:18

just read another thread about a DP who doesnt like pitching in...
what do they think the other option is?


mammadiggingdeep Mon 23-Dec-13 11:05:52

It doesn't matter if he underestimated how long it takes to do things with 2 kids....he called you lazy!! Unacceptable.

He is a twat. Would anyone else in your life call you lazy? Watch you nurse children and yourself all night without looking after you?! No. I'm betting your friends and family would be tripping over themselves to help you.

So ok, he didn't want another baby. You both had sex- it wasn't just your doing. The baby's here now- is he going to carry on being a selfish twat for ever?? How about he counts his blessings, stops being selfish and starts looking after his family properly.

If he's bored a d lonely (which he must believe he is- otherwise where did that come from), you should tell him to go get himself a better life. He is a let down.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 23-Dec-13 11:07:28

I think this is more than not pitching in op. he is trying to hurt you. Lazy? Bored and lonely...he is trying to grind you down.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 23-Dec-13 11:11:48

I feel very calm.
As the years have passed I have dealt with these episodrs better.

I used to scream and cry, now I am just calm.

I think Im going to pretend the conversation didnt happen and formulate a plan to talk after xmas.

I mean what on earth is he going to achieve doing this today???

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 23-Dec-13 11:12:24

I wont be ground down this time

mammadiggingdeep Mon 23-Dec-13 11:15:09

You're calm because you're all cried out. You're numb to it.

Been there. Everyone remarked how calm I was when the end finally came. In a way they make it easy for you. It's a relief in the end.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 23-Dec-13 11:20:51


No more tears wasted

MistressDeeCee Mon 23-Dec-13 11:23:23

Well he should stop being so boring and rude then perhaps he wouldnt be lonely. Whats he doing about being bored anyway aside from being whingy & unhelpful to you, OP? We all get bored at times..thats life, its not a storybook. Boredom isnt relieved by doing sweet f.a. about it except moaning to your partner. How about him getting a hobby? Aside from whinging? As for the lonely..he's just bloody rude, selfish and entitled. Good for you, for being calm. See what he does with his lonely and bored self. If he leaves then he's lazy and weak, and no use to your and DCs anyway.

neiljames77 Mon 23-Dec-13 11:23:49

How can he be bored and lonely? It sounds like you have a house full.
Or does he want you to ignore the kids he fathered and give him all your attention?

Fairenuff Mon 23-Dec-13 11:26:13

Did you see my post about your children OP? Can you bear to even consider the impact this will have on them if you stay in this abusive relationship?

mumtosome61 Mon 23-Dec-13 11:29:45

Actually, it shouldn't be "nice" all the time. Relatioships/marriage/parenthood all experiences times where things aren't as nice, just as we do with life. The difference between dealing with a bad time depends on the person who is dealing with it - ie, your husband is an immature buttache - I'm sorry.

You don't need this; illness, new baby, Christmas. I strongly suggest telling him to find somewhere else to stay this Christmas, if his life is so boring and lonely. I know some will say get through Xmas first, but I think the only real way to ram home to him what a selfish child he is, is to say - seeya. He can sit and have a deliriously "unlonely" Christmas and after that, see where things stand.

My Dad was an epic flouncer - knew when to turn on the charm and how to ignore the shit. He left my Mum holding baby, and then left altogether when he found a bit of skirt with some money. I'd suggest unless he decides to support you and the children at ALL times, not just when things are good, then turf him out and appreciate yourself x

Tinkertaylor1 Mon 23-Dec-13 11:30:20

I don't think it's you being calm op I think you have been conditioned to accept it.

This isn't your problem it's his. The last few posts are quiet minimising.

How do you think your dc will feel growing up in a house were their df tells their Dm that he dosnt love her and she is lazy . It's not healthy and they will think a unhealthy relationship is the norm. It's not.

He sound like a total dick.

SandyDilbert Mon 23-Dec-13 11:31:30

my ex used to do the same - tick along nicely then in a rage say the most abhorrent awful things. Used to knock me sideways. Had he really thought that of me all along. Then afterwards massive apologies, didn't really mean it, was angry, tired, frustrated ect - poor lamb. It is abuse, pure and simple. I hope you find the strength to get rid and stop making excuses for him.

MerryFuckingChristmas Mon 23-Dec-13 11:36:07

You are not "calm" you are beaten down.


This is a terrible example for your children to see, I am sorry to say. You are being verbally, physically and emotionally abused and now you have moved onto the stage of STFU for an easy life. Except you are still getting the abuse, so your subconscious plan has failed.

he will ramp up the physical stuff next

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Mon 23-Dec-13 11:53:15

hes just come in and announced that he needs 'man time'
he works in a female dominated job and is very stressfull and long hours.

He said "Ive come to a decision and its non negotiable" " I will be joining a football team again on sat or sun, and we need to spend more time together"

On saturdays he has an activity with my eldest, so I said you wont be doing that anymore then? no

I am speechless

Fairenuff Mon 23-Dec-13 11:57:51

You need to start protecting your children from him. Stop worrying about what he says and start thinking about their needs. You are neglecting their emotional wellbeing, are you aware of that?

MerryFuckingChristmas Mon 23-Dec-13 11:59:25

No plan of his is "non negotiable"

You can decide whether you accept it or not. You can decide whether you want you and your kids to live like this or not.

Tinkertaylor1 Mon 23-Dec-13 12:02:08

What a bully! angry

Op you need to dig deep and tell him to fuck off and stop being his 'little woman '

mammadiggingdeep Mon 23-Dec-13 12:03:46

It bloody is negotiable.

Tell him to jog on. Get rid.

What a fucker.

MerryFuckingChristmas Mon 23-Dec-13 12:04:57

TinPot Fucking Little Hitler.

I bet he's got a tiny cock.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 23-Dec-13 12:15:57

Merryfucking is right.

Bet he feels like a real big man not helping you all night, walking out, walking back in and informing you of his 'non negotiable' plans.

Fuck that. He is a joker.

doasyouwouldbedoneby Mon 23-Dec-13 12:16:21

No more tears wasted ???
Please no more life wasted on this selfish knob

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