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Can marriage survive if MM is still contacting OW?

(31 Posts)
talksomesense Sun 08-Dec-13 13:49:46

I'm the OW. He is still sending friendly messages despite choosing his wife and deciding to go NC. Just 'How are you/what are you up to' type thing. I have blocked all modes of contact but these are coming from somewhere else. What is he playing at and why is he still trying to contact me? I have been to hell and back with this but I have started to reply, initially thinking what could be the harm but now starting to think AGAIN that it's me he wants if he's willing to risk it all by making contact again - please don't flame, I'm know I'm stupid and selfish.

Whatnext074 Sun 08-Dec-13 19:09:00

Some MNers who have been the OW have come on here asking for advice as they are hurt when it all goes pear shaped and that is what they get, good advice and support even from DWs who are suffering the effect of deceit. Most of us don't judge.

I have supported those threads as they are remorseful, in pain themselves and don't go out to further hurt the DWs.

If you have been the OW / OM, then knowingly question whether to tell the DW, respond to communication from MM then I would question motives. The OP isn't getting a kicking.

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 08-Dec-13 19:41:16

I have been the DW in this situation and when I found he was doing this I kicked him into touch.
He has then taken up with OW, however, as she is aware of what duplicitous bastard he is she has to keep him on an incredibly short leash.
What you have to ask yourself is do you really want a man who can sink to such deception. Will you ever be able to trust anything he says or does?

ormirian Sun 08-Dec-13 20:29:12

He wants to eat cake. Unless you want to be cake, tell him to sod off. Can the marriage survive? Maybe but whether its will be a good marriage is another matter.

pottytowork Sun 08-Dec-13 20:34:04


Lweji Sun 08-Dec-13 22:10:29

Sorry, he doesn't want you or he'd have left his wife.

He just wants the proverbial cake. Don't kid yourself.

Stay away from him, tell him to stay away and report him if he pesters you.

The somewhere else is probably a phone/email account he has hidden from his wife.

Hatpin Sun 08-Dec-13 22:59:12

OP, this is the way he thinks when you go NC:

"Oh, they've taken chocolate cake off the menu, that's a pity. Maybe if I ask they'll put it back on especially for me".

"What? Oh ok, chocolate cake is definitely off. Never mind, I''ll have lemon sponge instead, and hey, I almost forgot, I've got some coffee and walnut in the tin at home!"

"Gosh, I really do love cake".

It really is as simple as that.

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