I just need to offload and ask if anyone can sympathise?
I've been to see my parents aged late 80s who are in relatively good health for their ages though not without some health issues. They live 300 miles away and because I still work p/t I only see them every 2-3 months and they are too old to travel to me.
I find the whole visit very stressful. My parents almost divorced 15 years ago because my mum was sick of my dad being chauvinistic and selfish, and above all, reclusive and anti social. He's got no better and although they live under the same small roof, they live separate lives. Mum has lots of friends , is often out with them and he spends the entire day in the garden or garden shed, then comes in to the house at 6pm and spends the rest of the evening in the kitchen where he reads, listens to the radio and makes his own dinner. They don't sleep together and haven't shared a bedroom or bed for over 20 years ( due to his snoring supposedly.)
When I stay, nothing changes. we don't have a family meal ever. Most days she has a snack and I have to cook for myself. We all end up eating at different times. He sits in one room and she sits in another watching TV or reading. I have to divide my time between each of them. If I sit with him , she paces up and down the hall trying to eavesdrop. If I don't sit with her she feels ignored. If I sit in the lounge he will never, ever come and join me. This is on the pretext of the TV always being on ( it isn't ) and him not 'doing TV' - he likes to make a big thing/ virtue out of never watching TV.
If they meet in the same room for chit-chat they start arguing within minutes- usually she is contradicting him over nothing important.
After 3 days I am left almost climbing the walls trying to flit between each of them in a tiny 1 storey house.
I'd love to spend longer with them but the strain of being under one roof when they are couple, not 'not a couple' IYSWIM is really testing.
I don't know why I'm posting other than to let off steam and wonder if there is anything I should do or say - but I suppose I feel it's their life and I'm just the visitor.
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Elderly parents- visiting them and arrrgh!
Varigatedivy · 01/12/2013 13:44
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