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Invited to niece's school play - sister made us pay to attend - how to deal?

(55 Posts)
livelaughlearn Sat 30-Nov-13 19:15:08

My sister ( married - 1 kid in private school - she and husband don't really work - live off some investments n live frugally) invited my mum down ( 6 hour trip) for the weekend to watch my niece ( her only granddaughter) at a school event.

My mum - 70's reasonably well off but my dad's in a nursing home n she is selling things off and downsizing as a result.

Me - partner but no kids sadly, both work full time in reasonably well paid jobs. We're not high life but do spend on clothes, holidays, meals out with friends etc.

Both my Mum n I give niece/ granddaughter nice birthday n Xmas gifts. Sister tends to ask for a specific and substantial item ( fine).

At event, sis pipes us she has taken a tenner off my mum for 'our' 2 tickets n that I owe my mum a fiver. I am shocked but try to repay my mum who refuses. I pay for some drinks to contribute.

Next morning I tell my sister it is wrong, ridiculous n mean spirited to invite us n most particularly our mum to event n not cover cost of the tickets when they are so cheap (n point out cost of my dad's nursing home fees). She doesn't apologise or repay mum.

BTW It is my sisters birthday next week n my mum will be giving her a generous cheque (she always does).

My mum knows my view n that i I spoke to my sister re tickets. Do I speak to sister further or leave her be as a lost cause.

FriskyMare Sat 30-Nov-13 19:23:44

Sorry, got distracted by the "n"s all the way through your post.

But, no YANBU I would never dream of asking GP's to pay for tickets to see my children perform.

IrisWildthyme Sat 30-Nov-13 19:29:44

given that none of you are on the breadline, I agree it is ridiculous and mean spirited for any of the lot of you to care where the fiver comes from - so yes your sis was being unreasonable but you are being just as bad writing such a long post ranting about it. it's a fiver. until a fiver means the difference between heating or eating to you (which is a factor for many people but clearly not to anyone in your family) the just get over it would you.

SanityClause Sat 30-Nov-13 19:32:21

YANBU for thinking its a bit off.

YABU for getting worked up about it.

Lweji Sat 30-Nov-13 19:32:55

I never say this, but of all the first world problems, this is very near the top.

A whole fiver?

nooka Sat 30-Nov-13 19:33:35

I really can't see any big issue here. You are all relatively wealthy and you all chose to go to an event with a door price. Fairly normal to pay your own way, but if not five pounds really isn't here or there in the grand scheme of things. Going on about it seems very petty.

CaroBeaner Sat 30-Nov-13 19:36:38

Your sister is ungenerous and unreasonable, it would have been njce, and the right thing to do, to buy your tickets for you.

But she didn't, you had your say, she doesn't seem to agree.

Your Mum can speak for herself, don't start a row with your DSis on your Mum's behalf, that just isn't fair on your Mum.

Just bear in mind for future invitations.

friday16 Sat 30-Nov-13 19:38:10

Presumably the OP had to sell the a and d (or, perhaps a n d) keys on her computer to fund the tickets.

TickleMyTardisTillFriday Sat 30-Nov-13 19:41:37

Everyone pays for their own tickets here, there are so many people it would cost me a fortune to pay for everyones.

I don't expect people to come btw, no skin off my nose at all, I am not precious. I know it's not as interesting when it's not your kid!

TippiShagpile Sat 30-Nov-13 19:43:06

Just be careful. You sound so bitter about the whole set up.

Peace man.

Lweji Sat 30-Nov-13 19:44:28

I'd think the point of school plays is that we get family to contribute towards the school. And involve the children.
I'd expect to pay my tickets, but not sure I'd want to go. smile

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs Sat 30-Nov-13 19:47:30

YABU. My sister has invited me to my niece's school concert next week. It would never occur to me that she would pay for my ticket, even if it is only a few pounds. Why should she? If she invited you to the cinema, for example, would you expect her to pay for you also?

LittleBairn Sat 30-Nov-13 19:48:24

YANBU if she wanted for you to pay for ticket she should have been upfront.

livelaughlearn Sat 30-Nov-13 19:49:28

Guess I have come across as an ivory cage slightly dysfunctional grammar deficient idiot with this post. Fair enough people to point it out.

It was on my mum's behalf that I was upset really.

There are posters on here with very difficult things they have to deal with - divorce, abuse etc ( this is not one of them). Over and out. Thanks for the reality check.

Jollyb Sat 30-Nov-13 19:49:42

I would offer to pay in similar circumstances

neontetra Sat 30-Nov-13 19:50:42

I completely see your point, though I wouldn't bother falling out about it. Fair play to you to be miffed, though.
Am vaguely mistified by the posters complaining about you using 'n' for 'and'. I understood you easily. Sucks to be them, I guess!

CaptainSweatPants Sat 30-Nov-13 19:52:20

I agree with you op
Your mum drove 6 hours & your sister should have bought her a ticket sad

antimatter Sat 30-Nov-13 19:53:50

I can see there are issues between you 2 sisters - that is likely to be an issue.

I would never wasted a minute thinking about who pays - I usually pay for whenever I am asked to attend performances of kids I know. Fiver or a tenner - I would not be able to tell you who paid what - there are 6 kids between 3 families where we attended various performances for years.

SeagullsAreLikeThat Sat 30-Nov-13 19:54:47

I think that is the humblest "ok I'm being unreasonable" I've ever read from an OP. If only they were all so simplesmile

gorionine Sat 30-Nov-13 19:56:25

If there is a cost to the play, I would expect to have to pay for it. IMHO in school play instances, the "invitation" is more of a way to let you know 'your niece is in it, come and watch it!' than an actual offer to pay for you.

JeanSeberg Sat 30-Nov-13 20:03:36

I feel sad for your mum, she has lots to deal with and her daughter couldn't even be thoughtful enough to pay for her ticket. sad

Jengnr Sat 30-Nov-13 20:56:18

Why would anyone assume anything other than they were paying for their own ticket?

brettgirl2 Sat 30-Nov-13 21:29:01

ya both bu.

I wouldn't ask you for the fiver, but equally wouldn't begrudge paying it if someone did. Some people are just tighter than others, it's the way it is.

SauvignonBlanche Sat 30-Nov-13 21:33:47

I wouldn't fall out over a bloody fiver!

Upcycled Sat 30-Nov-13 21:36:55

Your sister and her husband don't work, live frugally and pay for private school. Any chance she is struggling somehow?

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