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Facebook cheating and God knows what else.

(33 Posts)
Everybodyhurts Sat 30-Nov-13 14:12:47

Nc'd for this so as not to out myself. I'm very upset and in need of advice please.
What would you do if you found sexually explicit private messages on your boyfriend's Facebook that he had sent to other women?

IslaValargeone Sat 30-Nov-13 14:13:44

Find a new boyfriend.

Everybodyhurts Sat 30-Nov-13 14:19:53

Yeah it may well be time for that.
Some of them are women he works with. I feel like forwarding these messages to their husbands ��
Why do they do it?
And if he wanted to write things like that in messages why not write them to me?

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Sat 30-Nov-13 14:19:56

What Isla said!!!

RollerCola Sat 30-Nov-13 14:23:02

I did. We're getting divorced.

IslaValargeone Sat 30-Nov-13 14:25:17

'May well be time for that' ??
This isn't going to get better you know.
Get rid.

Everybodyhurts Sat 30-Nov-13 14:27:01

I've been cheated on in the past too and he knows this.
I can't believe he's doing it to me. ��

BuzzardBird Sat 30-Nov-13 14:27:31

That is exactly what I thought Isla. Why 'may'?

How much dis-respect is enough for you to dump him?

Everybodyhurts Sat 30-Nov-13 14:29:38

Sorry, that came out wrong.
I'm so upset. I should have said it is time after this discovery.
I just don't know what to do or say to him now.

IslaValargeone Sat 30-Nov-13 14:31:12

You realise it's not you who needs to explain anything don't you?
Do you live together?

Diagonally Sat 30-Nov-13 14:32:29

Why do they do it? Who cares.

I'd dump straight away.

Everybodyhurts Sat 30-Nov-13 14:33:32

No we don't live together.

Vivacia Sat 30-Nov-13 14:34:40

Dump him with your Facebook status?

LucyGracey Sat 30-Nov-13 14:36:12

This seems to happen a lot over facebook, sadly. It looks like it's just a part of the age we're in- at least he can't deny it with the evidence there. Have you talked to him about it yet?

Everybodyhurts Sat 30-Nov-13 14:38:40

No I've not said anything yet.
I only saw the messages last night.
Been sitting here not knowing what to do since then.

Diagonally Sat 30-Nov-13 14:40:38

Just text him you've read his FB messages to x,y & z, and your relationship is over.

Keep it short and to the point.

IslaValargeone Sat 30-Nov-13 14:42:08

That's great then, no complications.
Take a deep breath and send send a text saying it's over. Don't contact me.
I don't suppose you want to divulge you have been looking/checking up on his face book page, but he presumably has form?
Just don't allow yourself to be drawn into any discussion.
Have a quick cry, but then realise you have had a lucky escape and celebrate the fact you deserve better.
You are in a very lucky position that there are no practical complications like living together.
I know you are hurting and I don't wish to gloss over that, but there is nothing but misery ahead for you if you continue to see him.
Grab a friend tonight, drink wine and eat chocolate.

hotblacktea Sat 30-Nov-13 14:44:21

sorry this has happened to you
no need to agonize over this, ask why etc
dump his sorry arse and don't look back

PerpendicularVince Sat 30-Nov-13 15:01:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZombieMojaveWonderer Sat 30-Nov-13 15:51:29

Just say 'welcome to dumpsville, population YOU!' And get on with your life because he's obviously a cunt and you can do so much better!

Everybodyhurts Sat 30-Nov-13 16:00:17

It's a horrible thing to be happening with Christmas round the corner.
I know I will have to finish with him.
I just don't know how.

IslaValargeone Sat 30-Nov-13 16:05:39

I'm sorry, I really don't wish to appear unsympathetic but I don't get what the problem is?
You tell him you don't want to continue seeing him. End of.
If you want to tell him you have seen his sexual messages to a woman who isn't you then fine.
You don't owe him an explanation.
Entering into some extended dialogue will only allow him to attempt to justify his actions and manipulate you.
The fact that you are dithering over this suggests to me you are somewhat lacking in self esteem, don't let him exploit that.

Everybodyhurts Sat 30-Nov-13 16:08:11

Yes you're right, I am lacking self esteem.
This has happened before and I can't believe I'm here again.

IslaValargeone Sat 30-Nov-13 16:10:55

Now is the time to start getting some then lovely.
Have a good look in the mirror, channel some Cheryl Cole and tell yourself you are worth it.
Then dump his sorry ass.

MonkeysInTheFog Sat 30-Nov-13 16:14:23

What do you mean you don't know how?

What is it you're struggling to understand?

It's really not difficult.

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