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am I too reclusive?

(58 Posts)
MrsMiniver Sat 30-Nov-13 13:41:47

I'm in my mid 50s and after a life of drama relationships-wise, I'm very happy on my own with a teenage daughter, a close relationship with my family, a couple of good friends and a dog. Plus a part-time job that gives me plenty of contact with colleagues and a lovely home which is all my own. I dislike socialising, not because I have social anxiety or am shy, but because my preference is to either spend time alone (reading, pottering, walking) or to have at most a weekly drink or coffee with a friend that doesn't last more than a couple of hours. I prefer deep conversation about a particular subject rather than chit-chat which bores me senseless. I never phone people for a chat (apart from my mum who I speak to everyday) and keep visitors to an absolute minimum. Having said that I really enjoy talking to strangers, maybe because I don't feel trapped

I feel though as if I have to constantly justify my behaviour, both to myself and others, because being extraverted and sociable and having loads of friends seems to be considered essential in today's society. Can anyone relate to this?

ItsaMissTerri Mon 02-Dec-13 01:33:57

Can completely relate to your post OP and having read the thread am thinking Hallelujah it's not just me that feels like this!! You don't have to justify yourself to

Lazysuzanne Mon 02-Dec-13 01:44:13

Beagle, I used to live with my partner, I coped by renting an office to work from and spending most of my time there and also going to bed late and getting up late when he did the opposite.

I used to feel very anxious and trapped at the thought of living together when we were older and retired and I had no bolt hole to escape to.

When the children left home I didnt feel the need to keep the family home thing going & I said I wanted to live separately.
We sold up, split the proceeds and bought separate places.
I would have ended the relationship if he hadnt agreed.

That was about 3 years ago I feel so very much calmer and happier, I probably spend about 4 hours a week with him now and we get on alot better.

I sound appalling I know, I'd just had enough of being a wife, life is so much easier, way less housework, he probably wishes he'd done a bit more cooking and cleaning.
Too late to shut the stable door now, your horse has boltedgrin

(He is pretty solitary too, but not quite as bad as me)

AnandaTimeIn Mon 02-Dec-13 03:02:51

This is a great thread.

I am also happy as larry staying home alone (SP, DS now 22 and at uni) pottering about, doing exactly what I feel like doing now.

Saw a great video on a Ted talk about introverts

MrsMiniver Mon 02-Dec-13 07:59:36

Thanks for the link Anada will watch later. Lazy your situation sounds great, I would never live with anyone again either and separate homes would be a must. Off to my part-time job, have got it down to three days a week and that's more than enough. Luckily I share my office with a sympathetic colleague. We have a quick chat then it's heads down for the rest of the day.

Lazy I agree, a true recluse would be single with no friends at all and I'm not quite at not being able to tolerate overnight guests, totally with you on that one.

Lazysuzanne Mon 02-Dec-13 10:43:16

My feeling is that absolute reclusiveness might be a bad thing, if I allowed myself to slide into it there might be some point of no return past which I'd be unable to reconnect with people should it become necessary.

For those reasons I suspect I'd benefit from a job where I had to interact with people face to face.

It's the prolonged intimacy of cohabiting that really gets to me.

bluebirdwsm Mon 02-Dec-13 11:55:39

something The pup is a female, looks like a miniature golden lab but with longer fur coming through. The mum was a blonde soppy Pug x Pomeranian and the dad was a copper Chihuahua x Pomeranian so she is a mongrel! Cobby body and shortish legs. I like small dogs but she isn't going to be stupidly small.

The night was good, just some 'mewing' to start with, a loo break at 4am. and she slept till 9.15am! Not a mess in the house so far! Amazing.

Sorry to go oneveryone....but getting a pup doesn't happen everyday....

MrsMiniver Mon 02-Dec-13 12:38:57

bluebird she sounds adorable, what a lovely mix! I too have a small dog that doesn't look ridiculous (Jack Russell cross). Sounds like the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Lazy I too am wary of becoming a total recluse and don't think it's in my nature. I need some connection with close family if nothing else.

bluebirdwsm Mon 02-Dec-13 13:56:22

Mrs Miniver I used to have a jack Russell x dachshund [ginger] and she was the loveliest dog ever, not a bad bone in her body.

So looks like you got lucky first time. This one is another good one, I took a long time waiting until I identified the 'right' one when I saw her.

I see my family of 2 sons, 2 daughters in law, and 3 grandsons regularly, I adore all of them. Without them I would be completely bereft [and not as happy as I am now for certain]. Friends have remarried, moved abroad or died, and one with her mind going I'm afraid......

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