I can't seem to nc, so I'm having to cut down some personal info, sorry. Where to start?
My father is in his 80's, lives alone, in failing health. He has always been generous to a fault. When he finally sold the family home, (unable to maintain or afford it) he was left with a reasonable sum of money, which along with his pension was to see him through the rest of his life. My mother and father had divorced some years earlier - and there had been a financial settlement, so the proceeds where his alone. He has never been terribly good at budgeting, indeed, as a child I was very aware of the rollacoaster that was my parent's finances - times of plenty followed by red bills and threats - but otherwise we led a very normal middle class life.
Forward to 10 years ago. When Dad came into that money, both my mum and sister felt it was an appropriate place to get a loan for their various projects. My mum was setting up her own business and asked for a £35,000+ loan. I am not completely sure of exact figures - but I am close. My Dad gave it to her (he didn't want to divorce - still loves my mum, but my mum had valid reasons to leave and had given him enough chances). The business failed - landing my mum and stepdad in massive debt which they are still paying off...so my Dad gets nothing.
My sister wanted to buy her own house - all good so far - but couldn't come up with any form of deposit. (She is even more financially irresponsible than my parents). So she asked Dad for a loan - and it was a loan not a gift - which she would repay once she sold the house. He gave her £30,000. She bought the house and all was good, met her husband and then had a son. She was then made redundant from her job, but never mind, because her job and her house was approx 80 miles from where her husband lived! She moved in with him and left the house - yes, that is right, just left the house empty. After a lot of effort from my mum and me, the house was finally got into a state where it could be let (my sister has a pathological distrust of housekeeping...however, she is s.l.o.w.l.y getting better, so I am told 
) and she got in tenants. But the house, 5 years later, still has tenants in and hasn't been sold...so Dad get nothing.
Last year, all the financial chickens from my Dad's past came home to roost. He was over £30,000 in debt and could no longer keep up with the minimum repayments (and why the banks kept loaning money out to a pensioner is a WHOLE other thread). Thankfully he came clean to me, and I helped him via a charitable debt association, to contact all his creditors and get them to agree a much reduced repayment. There is more - but I am unwilling to say much, but anyone who has been in this position will know what other measures have to be taken. At the time, he told me that he hadn't received a utility bill yet, but since he had only been in his new build rental for a few months, I was not really concerned, since the LL seemed to be sorting it out. A budget was agreed, including money for utilities. The pressure was off and my Dad could once again sleep at night.
I catch up every once in the while about his finances - and all has been OK, until last night. He has finally been contacted (although wrong name on bill, correct address and meter number) by the energy supplier...2.5 years later...his bill is for £3000. WTAF. He didn't chase the supplier as I had expected, but instead sat back and waited for them to come to him. (I wonder if he thought he would be dead before they caught up with him?) I've told him to get on to it on Monday morning...find out the meter readings when he moved in and get them to work out what he owes them - with the correct back dated tariff. I've done the research, and he does seem liable, (although they have fucked up massively as well, and the LL too) so he will have to pay. He got into this debt over 2.5 years, so they cannot force him to pay it back at once, but will have to agree to let him pay it back over the same period, but that will double his fuel bills with one stroke. Pre-paid meter - he is completely reliant on my Dsis to get anywhere - basically house bound, and I don't trust anyone in my family to ensure that he has enough money on the meter. (I live 3 hours away, so there is nothing I can physically do).
AAAHHHHGGGG....I had a difficult phone call to my mum last night...it went like this....
Why the actual fuck is it my responsibility to sort out this whole family's finances? (Oh...there is more...I just can't write it all down here - it would be a book!)
You and Dsis took his money off him, when he was in his 70's, and you knew this was all he had to live on FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE you fuckers...and now, because you are all CHILDREN and have failed to show any form of financial planning, you are now broke, unwilling / unable to sell the house YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY LIVING IN....and the only person, once again, who is able to / cares enough to help is THE ONE PERSON who has NEVER TAKEN ANYTHING FROM HER FAMILY...
...I can afford to pay the bill...either at once or in instalments. BUT I have my own family, DC, husband, household, bills and future.....AAAHHHGGG
But I love my bloody useless family and I cannot sit by and watch my father worry / freeze / starve himself to death because he just can't afford to pay.
WWYD?
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Help...vulnerable father, procrastinating sister and a £3000 utility bill
onlyfortonight · 30/11/2013 11:20
I would speak to SS. He sounds like a vulnerable adults who has been financially abused by his family
it sounds like a right mess
Poor man it must be very stressful.
No, my DF didn't stop anyone checking the meter, and he has responded to all enquires about the meter number. Some of the responsibility must lie with the energy company and the LL who built the house. I've read the CAB website, but if the energy company doesn't listen, do I go to Ofgen next? If it were me I'd fight them 'til I died, but my DF is an ostrich...which is why I had to set up the debt plan for him.
I'm meant to be painting the bathroom today...but this is all I can think of.
We had a similar situation with our water bill, our water meter was faulty and we were massively under charged then eventually served a £££ bill.
We were able to negotiate with our utilities company and they agreed to knock a large amount off the overall bill, the rest we paid in instalments of £30 per month. I would definitely speak to them, or get an advocate to speak on your fathers behalf, to explain that he is vulnerable and that he wasn't aware of this bill. It sounds like his utilities provider have not done much to chase this up, so it's worth a try negotiating with them on that basis.
I've also been involved in a situation where family members are financially abusing an older, more vulnerable family member, it's a shitty thing to happen to anyone and also for you to be dealing with OP. My family's situation is ongoing, it's a mess even with SS involvement
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